Underneath Heavenly Wings
by MyTwiDreams
Summary: Being in love with a girl wasn't uncommon for me, but falling for the woman who was supposed to adopt my baby was totally off limits. I needed to get my emotions under control; if only she wouldn't keep looking at me like that all the time.../Bellice, AH
1. Chapter 1

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] It's difficult to explain how my mind works like and I shouldn't be starting another story now. But the idea for this one popped up in my head and the only way to keep the tiny bit of sanity I have left was to write it down.

This is going to be very soap opera-like and I'm not going to apologize for my writing style. I have zero ambition in writing a realistic story, so if you don't like it that way, feel free to leave.

For the rest of you, I hope you enjoy.

****Chapter 1****

This is going to be the best solution for everyone involved; I tried to convince myself. It was the last of a dozen attempts. I still wasn't sure what I was going to do, but the little kick against my ribs reminded me painfully that it wasn't like I had unlimited time to make my decision.

Maybe if I had managed to do the right thing five months ago I wouldn't be in so much trouble now. It was so fucking unfair. Millions of girls have sex over and over again and the only bad thing that happens to them is a bladder infection or something like that. But me? Just one little, awkward attempt on heterosexual intercourse and voila I'm already knocked up. I mean, how much bad luck can one single person have?

Wasn't it worse enough that my own mother and my stepdad had kicked me out when I had confessed my orientation to them? In my eyes that was already enough to bear but of course I wasn't so lucky.

Jake, my best friend, or maybe I should better use the words former best friend had been overly supportive when I told him I was a lesbian. He even talked his father, Billy, into letting me stay in his sister Rachel's old room while she was away at College. Unfortunately it turned out that Jake was the type of guy who seemed to see it as a personal challenge to guide me back to the straight side of life. It was the old story of - you haven't had the right cock - yet. The amazing thing about this theory is that no matter which guy brings it up, his cock is always the right one. A part of the crap that had happened between me and him was my own fault. I knew that he was in love with me and I did nothing to stop it.

After Renee and Phil had kicked me out shortly after my eighteenth birthday, I was absolutely devastated. I cried a lot and lost almost ten pounds during the first two weeks. Jake was always at my side, desperately trying to cheer me up again and it felt incredibly good to get comforted. I really have to give him as much as that. No one on earth is so good at comforting people like Jake. I soaked him up like his kind words and gestures were warm rays of the sun. Somehow, for me, they were.

Jake was convinced that he would manage to make me happy and he could have succeeded in it, had he turned out to be what I needed him to be. I just can't help it but I don't like guys _that_ way, never did, never will, there's nothing I can do about that no matter how hard I try. Somehow I wished I would be able to change it though. My life could be so much easier if I weren't the way I am.

After the night we slept together I told Jake that there would never be more than friendship between me and him. He would always be my best friend, but for him that would never, ever be enough.

Jake wasn't quite happy about my confession and during the next weeks he transformed from a happy-go-lucky kid into some a-class chauvinistic asshole. He was pissed and told me I had played with his emotions, in his eyes I had used him in order to have a place to stay at.

It was so awful and when I finally managed to save up enough money from my part-time job at Newton's I moved out of Jake's house in a cloak and dagger operation.

The apartment I rented was nothing but a hole, where you got cold water if you turned on the hot water and got some brownish slush when you turned on the cold water. It was tiny and way too loud because the main station was just around the corner.

Still, I loved that place as if it were a palace just because it was mine, truly mine. I painted every wall in the apartment in purple and bright orange because those were my favorite colors. I didn't sleep one single minute during that first night and was so enthusiastic that I decided to go out in order to spend my last five bucks on alcohol in order to celebrate my new found freedom.

It was a week night and so there wasn't much going on when I entered Breaking Dawn. I waved my hand at Tyler and Mike who were performing some sort of dry humping in the middle of the empty dance floor. That probably meant they had made up again after their last fight. Tyler was constantly pissed at Mike because he doesn't want to come out. I understand Mike's point though. Most of the people in our school are a bunch of homophobic assholes, influenced by the small town mentality of their parents.

Slowly, I walked towards the bar, already regretting that I had put on those high heels tonight although they were an essential part of my – I look old enough to drink outfit. I sat down on a chair and cleared my throat nervously before I spoke up.

"Can, I have a beer please?"

"Nice try, sweetie, maybe in a few years, when your ID says you're old enough."

"Oh please, just one and no one has to know about it…,"

"Stop trying to bribe the poor guy," A light voice next to me mumbled towards me.

I turned around in order to tell her to go fuck herself and mind her own damn business but when I saw her, the words stuck in my throat.

She was gorgeous, a tiny pale-skinned beauty with raven-colored curls that fell over her bare shoulders. The pair of skinny jeans she was wearing hugged her curves perfectly and I instantly felt the urge to run my fingers over the roundness of her backside.

My heartbeat quickened and when I finally managed to bring my attention back to her face, I was sure that my cheeks had already turned into a traitorous crimson color.

"Are you angry at me?" she asked me worriedly, sucking her full lower lip between her teeth to nibble on it. I realized that her carefully manicured hands were trembling slightly.

"I really didn't mean to offend you or something…," she continued after a few awkward moments of silence.

"It's okay," I murmured, taking a few of the peanuts in the little bowl between us in my hand to eat them. They were too salty and so I ended up ordering a diet coke that I emptied down in one big gulp.

"Thirsty?" the dark-haired woman asked me, running her finger over the edge of her wine glass. At least she was old enough to drink what she wanted.

Her eyes looked fearfully around as if she was somehow afraid to meet someone she knew.

"That's your first time in a gay club, isn't it?" I asked her, twisting my hair into a messy bun at the back of my head. Was it too warm here tonight or was that just me?

"Yes, it is." She whispered nervously.

"You're acting like a doe that is waiting for a predator to attack it. Try to relax a bit. No one is going to bite you."

She forced her mouth into a half smile but I noticed that her hands were still trembling. Damn it, she really was nervous, wasn't she?

"The first time is always difficult for everyone," I told her while I tried to put a name to the color of her dark-framed eyes. It wasn't really Emerald or Jade but still a perfect, deep rich green without the slightest hint of brown or blue in it.

Maybe I had stared at her a moment too long because suddenly she leaned forward to hide her pretty face behind a curtain of her long curls.

"Your hair is really beautiful," I told her, hoping that it would help her to warm up a bit.

"Thanks," she whispered so low that it was barely audible through the loud background music.

"I don't know why I'm even here," she murmured towards the floor.

"Because you were curious," I assumed, pulling my chapstick out of my handbag to apply some of it on my dry lips.

"Kind of, probably; I don't think I'm gay. I mean I like guys…a lot but sometimes when I look at another woman…I just can't look away. Does this make any sense for you?"

I nodded my head and sighed deeply.

"And it's like I'm always wondering how it would feel like to kiss her, if it would be that much different from kissing a man, if a woman would be more tender. I tried to stop these thoughts but they keep coming back."

"Maybe they would stop if you gave in to them. I guess, that would lesson your bi-curiosity a bit."

She shook her head and put her hair behind her ears, exposing a pair of tiny white pearls.

"Are you afraid you could like it too much?"

A deep sigh escaped her lips before she took another sip from her wine. Hesitantly she spoke up again.

"Yes, I am, or no, I'm not. I'm not even sure about that."

Slowly I reached out my hand to twist one of her curls around my fingers to pull her closer to me.

"Don't be afraid of being who you are."

"And if I don't know who I am?" she whispered hoarsely, her breathe tickling the skin on my lower lip. Our mouths were so close now that it would have taken the tiniest movement from me or her until they would connect.

I wanted to kiss her badly. The last person I had kissed had been Jake and that had been nothing but awkward.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, pulling back from the almost kiss. "I'm not ready for…well, for anything, I guess."

"Kay," I whispered breathlessly. Then I pulled a pen out of my handbag to write my cell number on a little napkin on the table.

"Here, green-eye, call me when you think you're ready…for coffee or anything."

I left the club shortly after because my head was starting to hurt and I wasn't feeling too well. In the middle of the night I woke up because I was sick. The next three days I spend mainly in my bathroom praising the porcelain god. I blamed the disgusting peanuts and decided that I would never ever eat something like that in a public place again. God knows, what kind of germs and bacteria had been on them. My poor stomach heaved again at the thought although there was nothing inside it that could come up apart from bitter acid.

After a horrible week of constant throwing up, mostly in the morning I decided to see a doctor.

"Well, Miss Swan," she greeted me when she entered the examination room.

"How are you feeling today?"

"Apart from the vomiting I'm pretty fine, thank you, doctor. Will you have to give me some antibiotics to get me rid of my stomach flu?"

She sat down on a plastic chair next to me and forced her coral tinted lips into something that was probably supposed to look like a smile.

"I'm afraid it wouldn't have any influence on your sickness. Try to eat dry crackers and stuff like that. Plus I should probably warn you that taking any kind of medication would be fatal in your condition."

"My condition?" my voice raised two octaves.

The young doctor sighed deeply and flipped to another page in the flipchart on her lap.

"Let me see…It looks Iike you're about seven weeks now."

"I'm seven weeks what?"

"Pregnant," she stated calmly. "According to your age I assume that this wasn't exactly planned."

I gasped for air and my hands automatically moved down my flat abdomen. How in heaven's name could there be a baby inside there? My life was already fucked up enough without that.

I was worried that I wasn't even going to finish school but it was so hard to focus on studying with the two part-time jobs I had taken on in order to pay for the apartment and other running costs. There was no way I could afford a baby on top of that. I knew a shitty nothing about babies and what they needed but I was quite sure most of it would cost a bunch of money that I didn't have.

For a split second I hated the tiny thing inside of me, hated it for complicating my already complicated life. I burst out into tears and the doctor handed me a tissue to clean my running nose. Then she handed me a small leaflet full of phone numbers and articles discussing the different options.

I didn't want to make decisions for I knew I wasn't good at them. So the next month I refused to do anything. It was almost as if I was back into the zombie like state I had been in when Renee had kicked me out.

Finally I managed to set up an appointment for the abortion but when I was in front of the building I couldn't manage to get in. So, I ended up cancelling the whole thing.

I didn't want to keep the baby that would end up in something close to a disaster. I wasn't ready to be a mom. Hell, when I looked around in my messy apartment I realized that I wasn't even old enough to take care of myself.

The next day, I made up two other appointments to terminate the pregnancy and during the last one I actually managed to get inside the building only to run into a woman with a tiny red-haired infant on her arm. My hands started trembling so much that I dropped the entire content of my handbag all over the hospital floor. Quickly I kneeled down to pick everything up again.

"Miss Swan?"

I raised my head to look at the young nurse in her greenish uniform.

"Yes?" I croaked hoarsely.

"We are ready now, if you are."

I shook my head and before I could manage to compose myself enough the first tears started falling down my cheeks.

The nurse guided me into a small office at the other end of the corridor and handed me a tissue.

"You don't really want an abortion, do you?" she asked me full of concern.

"No, I don't. I want to turn back time in order to stop me from doing what lead to me ending up here pregnant. I don't want a baby. All I want to do is survive my Senior year in school without too much trouble."

She nodded her head and put a brochure out of a folder on the desk.

"Here, Miss Swan. You really should read through this. There isn't just one way to deal with an unwanted pregnancy. You should consider all the options you have."

**XXXX**

I heard steps in front of the room and quickly tried to flatten the fabric of my skirt with my hands. The door opened and Siobhan the boss of the adoption agency walked in followed by a tall man with unruly honey-blond hair.

"Good morning, Miss Swan." she greeted me cheerfully, sitting down on a leather couch across from me.

"How are you feeling today? Are you nervous?"

I nodded my head and swallowed hard.

"There is no need to be nervous," the man stated, running his fingers through his curly hair before held out his hand.

"Hello, Miss Swan. My name is Jasper Hale and my wife and I would love to adopt your baby."

"Hi, Mr. Hale." I stumbled out while the baby inside me kicked again. "It's nice to meet you."

"Shouldn't your wife be here too, Jasper?" Siobhan asked him, flipping through a folder on her lap.

He checked the silver watch on his wrist and sighed deeply.

"Punctuality isn't really her strong point. Alice was terribly nervous about this meeting today. She insisted that she needed to buy some flowers for Miss Swan in the shop around the corner. That's where she probably is right now."

"I'm here! I'm here!" a light voice behind the hugest Sunflower bouquet I had ever seen called out breathlessly. She placed the monstrous thing on the table and gasped for air before she turned to me.

Her mouth opened and closed several times but no words escaped her lips. I noticed that she had cut off her beautiful hair. Gone were the long, silky black curls. Now everything was cropped above her chin and was carefully arranged into messy spikes.

However, her eyes were still exactly the same shade of dark, rich green as I remembered them.


	2. Chapter 2

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Wow, I was absolutely thrilled by the amazing response I received for the first chapter. Thanks to all of you for the Alerts and Reviews. Your support means so much to me.

This chapter is dedicated to **TicklemeDoeFace01** & **InAthena's Cabin**. Hope you'll enjoy.

****Chapter 2****

_Alice_

I suppressed the almost unbearable urge to run out of the room as soon as possible and tried to convince myself that maybe she wouldn't remember me. After all, the light in the club had been pretty dimmed that night and my hair was different now too. It's different now because of her, I reminded myself. God, you were so pathetic to cut it off because a woman told you it's beautiful. For the last five months her face had haunted my dreams and now that I was meeting her again, in the most awkward situation possible I simply wished for the earth to open up and swallow me whole.

"Alice, are you alright, darlin'?" Jasper asked me worriedly when he noticed my nervousness.

I quickly nodded my head and forced my lips into a grimace before I sat down next to him, placing my hand on his to squeeze it gently.

Siobhan cleared her throat loudly before she spoke up.

"Fine, now that everyone involved is finally here we could get started. Jasper, Alice do you have any questions that you would like to ask Miss Swan?"

He waited for me to say something and I gave him a desperate look. Things, I wanted to ask her? Like, why I still couldn't stop thinking about her when I lay alone in my bed at home? Like, why a shiver went down my spine whenever I thought about how her mouth had been an inch away from mine?

"Alice?"

"I don't have any questions. But maybe there are some things that, Miss Swan," I almost choked at her name ", would like to know about us?"

"Ahm, well, I…I…,"she stumbled out and I noticed that her face had turned into a bright crimson color. Damn it, she knew who I was. Could this get any worse?

Jasper chuckled and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"It's so cute that you are both so nervous about this. Miss Swan, or may I call you Isabella…,"

"Just Bella, please," She corrected him immediately, trying to look just at him and not me while she spoke. She seemed to be as embarrassed about the situation as I was.

He smiled at her and nodded his head.

"Fine, so, it's Bella. You can really ask us anything you want. Don't be shy. You have a right to know to what kind of people you're giving your baby to."

I instantly held my breath because I was a hundred percent sure that she would now tell him that there was no way she was going to let us adopt the child. Who wants to give a baby to a woman who sneaks into a gay club behind her husband's back? But on the other hand, she was sitting here, pregnant and I wondered if maybe she was just…what had she called it bi-curious too? Maybe that was because she had been so understanding that night.

"How old are the two of you?" she asked Jasper after a few painfully long moments of silence.

"I'm thirty-two; my lovely wife here is twenty-four. And you are eighteen, aren't you? I think that's what Siobhan told us when she suggested this meeting."

She nodded her head and pulled a tiny tablet out of her handbag before she asked her next question. I wasn't sure if she was going to ignore me for the entire time but when she addressed her next question directly to me I almost jumped from my chair.

"Mrs. Hale, why don't you want to have a child of your own? You are so young and I always assumed that people who want to adopt are way older?"

I sighed deeply and played with the silver bracelets around my left wrist, letting the metal chains clink against each other. It was difficult to talk about our fertility problems, embarrassing even. The first year after we got married I had been on the pill because I was terribly afraid to get pregnant too soon. Then I stopped taking it and for the next two years we played then never-ending game of jumping each other's bones when the right temperature for my ovulation popped up on the thermometer. I developed such a dislike for sex during that time that I still haven't recovered of. Not that I ever had too much interest in the subject anyway. It's not Jasper's fault, just mine, I need too long to warm up.

However, the fact that we are here now in order to adopt the unwanted baby of a teenage girl is his fault. The doctors told us that he is practically sterile thanks to a mumps infection he had as a child. Jasper had been devastated after we had found out about it and although we never discussed it openly, I'm still sure that he was terrified I would leave him because of it. Like, I would ever do such a thing…

"We can't have a biological child, Bella." Jasper told her. "The reasons shouldn't be any of your concern. I assure you that we will love any adopted baby just as much as we would love one of our own."

"That's true," I whispered so low that my voice was barely audible.

"Why don't you want to keep the baby yourself?" I asked her curiously once I figured out that she wasn't going to run away from this situation. If she had wanted to tell Jasper that we had met before she would have done it by now.

"I don't think I would be a good mother," she mumbled towards the floor. "My mom isn't talking to me anymore because…well, because she's not too pleased about the choices I've made for my life. So, there isn't anyone who could help me. I'm working at two places right now but it's still not enough to cover up everything."

I instantly felt bad for her. She was so young and yet so alone with no one she could turn to. What in heaven's name was wrong with her mother? Shouldn't she be supportive of her child anyway, not matter what kind of mistakes she might have made?

XXXX

"The girl seemed to be nice, didn't she?" Jasper asked me when we parked the car in front of the two-storied house he had rented for the two of us about four months ago. It was a nice place, way too big for my own taste especially because I had to spend so much time alone in it but still cozy because I had decorated everything in warm orange colors as that was my favorite color.

"Alice, are you going to talk to me again today? You haven't said one single word since we left the adoption agency."

I cringed and closed the passenger's door of the car with too much force.

"There is no need to torture the poor Audi just because you are in a bad mood. If you are angry at me just spit it out."

"You invited her over for dinner. Why in heaven's name did you do that, Jasper?" I asked him, while I searched for the keys in my handbag.

"Don't you want to get to know the mother of our future child? Seriously, Alice, sometimes, I really would love to know what is going on in that little head of yours. Weren't you the one who suggested an open adoption?"

I sighed deeply and turned the key around in the lock to open the door, carefully making sure not to let the cat out accidentally. Oreo is so stupid that he would probably run into the next car that drives down the street.

There were noises coming from the living room and I wondered if I had forgotten to turn off the TV before we had left.

"Goal!"

"Crap, Emmett, what are you doing here?" Jasper snarled at him when we entered the room, stumbling over popcorn and empty soda cans on the floor.

"Hello to you too, you gave me a key yourself, remember?"

"For emergencies, yes, but why are you here now?"

He chuckled and pointed to the flat screen in front of him before he took another sip from the can of root beer in his hand.

"This is sort of an emergency situation. I really needed to see this game. It's the last before the finals."

"How about watching it at your own house?" I asked him, picking up a bit of the popcorn from the ground. I had never met anyone as messy as Emmett and I wondered how Rosie managed it to endure that twenty-four/seven. Maybe that's part of her Stepford-wife existence.

"At home? Is that supposed to be a joke? I have five women sitting in that house. The last time I had control over the remote was probably nine years ago. Yesterday Greta and Sophia forced me to watch this horror movie about that weird chick with the blond wig. It gave me nightmares."

"It is actually possible to watch TV without turning the entire room into a garbage dump. You are going to clean that up – like now."

"Sir, yes, Sir!"

"Just shove it, Emmett. I don't need any of that talk when I'm at home. Pick up your mess and leave. Alice and I have stuff to discuss."

"You guys can talk while I'm around. How did the adoption thing go anyway? Is she going to give the baby to you?"

I crossed my arms in front of my chest and tried to make my voice as hard as possible.

"When she comes here for dinner and sees all this mess, she definitely won't let us adopt her child."

"If I were you, I'd be more concerned about you non-existent cooking skills."

I threw a pillow at him but he ducked his head so that it landed on the other side of the sofa. It was so mean of him to bring up the fact that I could barely manage to boil an egg without burning down the house. I just didn't have the patience to spend time in the kitchen. That was so boring to me and I was glad that Jasper actually didn't mind to eat Pizza and Chinese Take Away most of the time.

Hopefully the baby would like that kind of stuff too, if we were still going to have a baby that was. I really wanted to become a mom and it hurt me to know that I probably ruined that for me and Jasper just because of my stupid, absolutely pointless interest in other women. I had to work harder on suppressing those feelings, they wouldn't lead to anything. They couldn't lead to anything and yet I couldn't stop to get all tingly from head to toe whenever I thought about kissing a certain brunette beauty, about holding her close, inhaling the scent of her skin as deeply as possible. I was so fucked up, it was a shame. Why in heaven's name couldn't I suppress those thoughts?

XXXX

I shrugged back from his touch when he hugged me from behind and planted a kiss underneath my earlobe.

"Stop distracting me, Jazz. I need to concentrate on cooking this chicken."

"I actually think you killed the poor creature a second time. At least it smells like that."

I sighed deeply and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. Several dry sobs escaped my throat before I burst out into tears. Damn it, I couldn't even cook some stupid dish like Chicken Alfredo and although it was still about half an hour before Bella would show up here I was already terribly nervous.

"Hey, it's not that bad." Jasper whispered, kneeling down next to me on the ground. Gently he cupped my face in his right hand to wipe away some tears from my cheek. The facts, that he was so kind and understanding all the time, made me feel even worse. I was betraying him, not physically but emotionally and maybe in a way that was even more tragic.

"I can pick up something from Bella Italia before she comes here. It's no big deal. I know that you can't cook and today you are so tensed and nervous. Maybe I should have suggested meeting in a Restaurant but I thought it would be better to do this here where we can talk in private."

"Hmm, probably," I whispered hoarsely, searching for a tissue in the pockets of my jeans.

"Here," he mumbled handing me one.

"God, Alice, I'm so incredibly sorry. All of this is my fault."

"No, it's not." I told him, when I reached for the glass of water on the table to empty it in two big gulps. My head was starting to hurt and I wondered if I was going to get a migraine attack now.

"Of course, it's my fault. If I wouldn't be shooting with blank cartridge we wouldn't have to deal with all of this adoption crap. You are so miserable and it almost killed me when I saw you staring at that pregnant girl today, like you wanted to be in her place so badly. I will never forgive myself for denying you to experience that."

I sobbed again and when he pulled me in his arms I couldn't manage to calm myself down for a way too long time. So, I stayed right where I was until I had no more tears left to cry.

"I love you, darlin'."

"Dito," I murmured, wiping my running nose on the back of my hand before I stood up from my chair again.

"I need to wash my face and do something with my makeup before she comes here."

"Kay,"

He planted a kiss on my lips and I instantly felt guilty again because somewhere, deep inside of me, I knew that it wasn't his touch I craved for with every single beat of my heart.

Slowly I walked up the stairs and removed my smeared mascara from my face as quickly as possible. Then I splashed some cold water on a washcloth and pressed it against my eyes in order to lessen the swelling. I didn't want her to notice that I had cried. Damn it, I didn't want her to notice me at all. God, how much I wished I had never gone to that fucking bar that night.

The doorbell rang and I went downstairs to open it. Jasper had the annoying habit to forget his keys all the time. When I opened the door, she was standing in the doorframe, shyly waving her hand at me.

"Hi,"

"Hello, I know I'm too early but it was so difficult to come here by bus."

I nodded my head and guided her into the kitchen where I poured her a glass of orange juice. Pregnant women needed lots of vitamin C didn't they?

"You remember me from this club…I think I have forgotten its name. Thanks for not letting my hubby know we've met before. That would have been fatal."

"The club is called Breaking Dawn and you should totally go there again. I totally would if I wouldn't be looking like a little whale now."

"You're not that big yet. Don't worry." I assured her, moving my eyes up and down her body. The pregnancy had made her figure more womanly and in an absolutely not acceptable way it made her even more appealing to me. My heartbeat quickened when I couldn't keep my eyes off of her full cleavage for a moment too long.

"Thanks," she mumbled, taking a small sip from her drink. "I feel so ugly right now. You should see me naked it's scary as hell."

Don't even dare to think about what she said right now…Fuck, it was already too late. I bet she looks sexy, curvy and soft. Oh god, I am so going to hell for thinking that kind of stuff.

"You're still not ready for admitting who you are, aren't you?" she stated before she took another sip from her drink.

"Thirsty?"

"Always…and hungry like a wolf, I might have to get a third job just to pay for all the extra food I'm stuffing down right now."

I handed her a granola bar and when our hands brushed against each other for a split second a current went through my entire body.

"Sorry," I mumbled nervously. "And you are right that I am not ready. I'll never be ready to explore that…side of me. It's impossible. There is Jasper and the things that I want for my life, for my future. I can't ruin that."

She nodded her head and sighed deeply.

"Understandable. If I were like you I would probably prefer being with a guy too. It's way easier. Girls are so bitchy all the time."

I raised one eyebrow in confusion. If she didn't like men how could she have ended up here, carrying a child under her heart? My eyes moved over her rounded middle again and when she noticed it, her cheeks blushed again.

"That was a mistake, a pretty big one."

"No, it's not. It's a human being and not a mistake. Going in that club that night was a mistake... But this…,"

I leaned forward and before I could think twice about what I was doing I pressed my hand on her swollen abdomen. The baby kicked against my palm and I felt like crying and laughing at the same time.

"This is a miracle."


	3. Chapter 3

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I've decided that I want to make this story a long one. Hope that makes you happy and you'll enjoy the new update.

If you are interested you can also follow me on Twitter – **MyTwiDreams** for spoilers and pretty pointless rambling about unimportant stuff.

This chapter here is dedicated to **Secrets87**. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. Your support means a lot to me.

****Chapter 3****

I dipped one of the ravioli into the creamy mushroom sauce before I carefully nibbled on it. It was delicious but that didn't surprise me concerning the fact that Jasper had brought the entire food from one of the most expensive restaurants in town. It made me feel all dizzy to think that this pasta would probably cost more than I usually spend on food during a whole week. Did that mean they were rich? Or was it just proof how crappy my own existence was?

"Don't you like it?" Alice asked me worriedly, taking a sip from the glass of water in her hands. I realized that her own plate was almost completely untouched, so it felt kind of weird that she was asking me that. She still seemed to be terribly nervous about my presence and in a way that was probably totally stupid and naïve it filled me with an unfamiliar inner joy. I licked a tiny rest of sauce from the edge of my button lip and the pupils in her beautiful green eyes widened for a moment.

"Don't worry, it's really good. I'm just a bit too nervous to eat right now."

She nodded her head and a smile flashed over her face while her hands grabbed the napkin in her hands so tightly that her dainty knuckles turned white.

Jasper cleared his throat and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, stroking up and down her bare forearms with his fingertips. It irritated me way too much to see him touch her like that and so I swallowed hard to suppress the instant wave of jealousy that spread through me.

"You are probably surprised because we brought the food from a restaurant but we kind of had a little…accident in the kitchen."

"That's a nice way of describing that I ruined the poor Chicken with my lack of cooking skills." she murmured through gritted teeth.

He chuckled and tried to kiss her mouth but she leaned forward to pretend to be searching for something on the floor. So, she didn't want him to kiss her while I was watching them…hmm, very interesting.

"Are you looking for something in particular?" he asked her, sounding a bit exasperated.

She shook her head and lifted a chubby black and white colored cat up on her lap.

"Here, you are my little baby. Come to your momma." her fingertips caressed the fluffy fur and a low purring noise escaped the cats throat.

Jasper sighed deeply and twisted his fingers though his curly hair.

"Alice, you know that I don't like it when you hold the cat while we're eating. It's insanitary. His hairs are going to end up everywhere."

"Just for the record, Oreo's hairs are everywhere in this house. I really hope the baby won't be allergic to it that would suck."

Alice stood up from her chair and carried the cat over to the couch where she placed it on a blanket. He was back at the table before her and rubbed himself against my shin, purring loudly until I reached down my hand to stroke over his head.

"Be careful, he's an evil little thing and could bite you." Jasper tried to warn me but it was already too late. The cat snapped and a sharp pain went through my palm before I could pull my hand away.

"Ouch," I hissed, taking a look at the bleeding wound, trying to breathe through my mouth in order to avoid the disgusting scent of rusty metal.

"Oh crap, I'm so sorry about that." Alice mumbled kneeling down next to me to examine my hand.

"It doesn't mean Oreo doesn't like you. He bites me all the time too."

When her fingertips brushed against my wrist a pleasant shiver went down my spine making me almost forget the throbbing pain in my hand.

"I think we should get you a band-aid for the cut. I think we have some of them in the bathroom upstairs."

I followed her up the stairs, taking a few completely inappropriate looks at her backside. She really had a lovely figure and I felt a tingly feeling deep down my stomach when I thought about how it would be like to gently circle my fingers down her spine until they would reach the roundness of her ass to squeeze it gently.

One of the side effects of my pregnancy was the fact that I had developed an almost unhealthy interest in sex. Maybe it had to do with always craving for what you couldn't have. Non one would want me the way I looked now, fat and disgusting.

Alice made me sit down on the edge of the bathtub and searched for the band-aid. She put something that smelled disgustingly of alcohol on a piece of cotton before she started cleaning the scratch on my hand.

I inhaled sharply between my teeth when the disinfection stuff burned on my skin.

"I'm so sorry." she whispered leaning forward to blow cool air over my hand. I realized that her pretty mouth was about an inch away from touching my skin and I instantly held my breath.

"It's not that bad," I stumbled out, feeling the warmth spread through my entire body.

"I should warn you. This is probably going to leave a scar. I'm sorry that my cat is so evil. Jasper says it's because I'm not strict enough with him and that's probably true. Oreo has me wrapped around his fingers but he can be so damn cute if he wants to. I think he's kind of a substitute for a baby for me."

I nodded my head and when she placed the band-aid over the cut I was almost sad because it meant she had to let go of my hand. God, how pathetic was I that I wanted her to hold my hand just for the sake of having any kind of physical contact with her.

My eyes caught the time on the clock at the other side of the wall and I cringed slightly.

"Is it still hurting?" she asked me worriedly, biting her lower lip nervously. Fuck, how much I wanted that little lip between my own teeth…

"Bella?"

"It's not that bad. But I think I missed the last bus back home what means I have to walk there all the way."

She raised one eyebrow and shook her head.

"I can drive you home if you want me too. Or Jasper could take you."

XXXX

I actually made her drive a loop way for almost ten minutes just because I was so desperate to spend time with her alone. She seemed to relax a bit more and that made me happy.

"We are there," I told her, clearing my voice nervously when she parked the car in front of the apartment house.

She turned off the engine and sighed deeply.

"You are confusing me and that's something I'm not used to."

"I'm sorry for confusing you." I whispered, opening the passenger's door of the Audi. I'm so not sorry about that I thought secretly unable to keep my lips from curving into a stupid grin.

"Do you want to come up with me for a moment? I think you wanted to see some of the ultrasonic pictures my doctor made the last time I went for a check-up."

She nodded her head and stepped out of the car while I searched for my keys in my handbag.

When I opened the door I almost stumbled into James who was living in the apartment underneath me. He was a weird guy who always carried a spy-glass around his neck. I bet he secretly jerks off by watching couples getting on it in the park behind the house.

I greeted him briefly and fought the urge to kick him straight into his guts when I caught him staring at Alice cleavage way too long for my taste. Not that I hadn't done that myself too when I had met her in the bar…

"That guy is weird." she stated when we entered my apartment. I was glad that I had managed to clean up a bit before I went to her place but still it felt strange having her here.

"You really like purple, don't you?" she asked me walking around in the room, touching the walls with her fingertips.

"It's my favorite color. I know you must think this place awful but it's the best I could get with the little money I make with my part-time jobs."

"Don't worry, it's lovely and I actually envy you a little bit for having a place of your own. I never had that."

"Why?" I asked her, searching for the ultrasound pictures in a pile of magazines on the kitchen table.

"I got married right after school. That probably sounds stupid to you, I guess."

"No, it doesn't but it actually explains a lot about you."

I opened the fridge and pulled out two bottles of diet cokes, handing her one with trembling fingers.

"Thanks,"

She took a small sip and sighed deeply. "What does, me getting married soon explain about me?"

"Nothing," I murmured, swirling my tongue over the edge of my own bottle for a moment before I sipped on the artificially sweetness of the coke.

"Nothing?"

"Well, it explains why you are so nervous about exploring your sexuality. I bet you were still a virgin when you got married."

To my immense amusement her pale cheeks reddened into a beautiful crimson color.

"Sex is not that important to me, it never was, it never will be. I actually don't know what the fuss is about."

Okay, that probably means her husband is a fucking loser who has no clue how to satisfy her needs. If she were with me, she definitely wouldn't say that sex isn't all that important to her. Oh all the lovely things I could do to her if she would let me. Fuck, now my underwear is ruined, damn it, Bella.

I finally found the pictures and handed them to her in order to bring our conversation back to a safer topic.

"Oh that's so cute. Do you already know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Not yet. My doctor says we'll find out about it the next time I'll have to see her. Do you want to come with me then?"

She nodded her head and smiled all over her pretty face, caressing the picture on her lap with her fingertips.

"I hope it's a girl but Jasper probably wants a son."

"But you are going to take the baby anyway, aren't you?" I asked her worriedly, cradling my swollen middle between my hands. The baby kicked against my palm and I tried to suppress the love for the little thing inside of me as much as I could. I had already decided that there was no way I could keep the child and so there was zero point in developing some motherly instincts that I shouldn't have anyway.

Before I could manage to compose myself again I tasted the first salty tears on the tip of my tongue.

She wrapped her arms around me and let me sob against her shoulder while she stroked up and down my back in small circles. It was the closest anyone had ever been to me since I turned pregnant and that sent another wave of self-pity though me. No one loved me. I was all by myself with a child inside of me that I didn't want. My life was so terribly complicated and fucked up.

"Please, stop crying. It makes me feel horrible to see you like that. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Can you turn back time to keep me from messing things up so much? If I hadn't come out to my mother she wouldn't have kicked me out and I wouldn't….,"

"Wait a moment; she kicked you out because you told her that you're gay? Fuck, how screwed up is that."

I sniffed and searched for a tissue in my pocket to clean my running nose.

"Welcome to real life, Mrs. Hale. It's pretty ugly sometimes."

"I can't believe a mother would actually do such a thing to her own child. It's so mean."

I sighed and wiped my wet face at the sleeve of my shirt.

"She says it's a sin that I keep thinking about girls like that and that I shouldn't show my face to her again until my mind works properly again."

"It's not like you can choose whom you love. Doesn't she know that? Damn it, I really want to have some serious talk to that woman. The way she treated you, keeps treating you is pissing me off."

"A lot of people think like her. I mean, just look at yourself and the issues that you have because you're afraid that you could be bi."

"That's not the same like kicking out your child because she's gay and I don't have issues with being bi because I am not."

"Kay, if you say it often enough it will probably come true one day."

"Please, Bella, it's not like I think that it's a bad thing to be attracted to your own sex but for me…that's just impossible. It would make things so complicated for me. Plus, there is Jasper whom I love."

"Why do you love him?" I asked her, already knowing that it was a stupid question to ask her about that. Jasper was a nice guy. He seemed to care deeply for his wife and I was convinced that he would love the baby too. Maybe everything would be way easier if he were an asshole. It would make it far easier to hate on him for being with her.

"I don't really know." She whispered so low that her voice was barely audible.

"He's my best friend and he is always trying to make me happy. He even bought the cat for me although he can't stand pets, just so I don't have to be all myself in the house while he's gone. It's not his fault that I'm prudish and need too long to warm up during…well, you know what I mean."

"So you need long to warm up, interesting to know. You know making love is actually a lot like cooking. The real good dishes take the longest but that makes them even more delicious when you taste them at them end."

"I suck at cooking. My sister in law tried to show me a few things but it's just a waste of time. I'll never learn how to do it properly."

"If you want me to, I could show you some things. I'm really a patient teacher."

She smiled and nodded her head. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into."

No, I don't, I thought, unable to resist the urge to put a wisp of her spikey hair behind her ear. It still felt silky against my fingertip despite all the hairspray she had used in order to get it into its current shape.

"Don't worry about that. I know what I'm doing."

For a moment it seemed as if she was thinking about shrugging back from my touch but than she just took my hand and caressed my fingers for a moment before she let go of it.

"Why did you cut off your pretty hair? Don't get me wrong, I like it the way you're wearing it now. It's sexy but still…the curls were so gorgeous. They were actually the first thing I noticed about you that night in the club."

"Somehow it makes me feel embarrassed if you keep mentioning that night. It was so wrong of me to go there at all."

"No, it wasn't. You just think that it was a mistake because it actually showed you that there is more behind your fantasies about other women than you want to admit to yourself. You are just scared to find out who you really are."

"I know who I am. Well, I mean I know who I want to be. Does that make any sense to you?"

"A lot actually, most people would rather be who they want to be instead of just being who they really are."

Her cell started vibrating loudly in her handbag and she quickly pulled it out to read a new next.

"That's Jasper. He's wondering why I'm not back yet. That probably means I should leave."

She stood up from the couch and hugged me tightly. For a split second I thought that I could feel her lips against my hair but that was probably just wishful thinking.

"I have to go now."

No, you don't. You don't have to leave ever if you don't want to. I knew that I didn't have the strength inside of me to ask her to stay and yet I wanted her to so desperately.

"Bella?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"You'll find the right person too, you know. She's out there somewhere."

No, she's not. She's right in front of me but I know she'll never be mine…


	4. Chapter 4

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks and hugs to all of you who keep reading and reviewing. Your support means so much to me.

This chapter is dedicated to **Shelley421** and **CULLENCRAZY1**. Hope you'll enjoy.

****Chapter 4****

_Alice_

I sighed deeply before I turned off the engine in front of Rosalie's and Emmett's house. My sister in law was a fucking Miss Perfect and spending time with her was always a challenge for my nerves. It's just not normal that her house is always spotless despite the four kids under the age of ten living in it.

She opened the door and hugged me tightly for a moment before she planted a kiss on each of my cheeks.

"I'm happy you are finally here. You have to tell me all the details about the adoption. She's going to give the baby to you, isn't she?"

I sat down on one of the white kitchen chair and cleared my throat nervously while she poured me a glass of orange juice, not from the box, but freshly squeezed of course that I emptied in one big unthankful gulp.

"Probably, Rose. But it's an open adoption. She can still change her mind when the baby is born."

"You need to convince her that it's a fantastic idea to give the baby to you and my brother. The two of you would be good parents for him or her, I'm sure about that."

"It's still four months until the birth. I don't want to get up my hopes too high, so that I won't get disappointed in the end."

She took my hand and squeezed it gently. I was surprised that she was acting so overly nice and warm-hearted towards me, it's definitely not her usual behavior when I'm around.

"She's not on drugs or some stuff like that, is she? You should know that this could have some severe influence on the baby's health. I read an article…,"

"Bella doesn't take drugs; I'm pretty sure about that." I told her quickly. Somehow it was pissing me off that she was assuming that Bella would do anything so incredibly stupid. She was way more mature than I had been back at her age and that was weird considering the fact that I got married shortly after. I'm also a hundred percent sure that she would be a very good mother herself. Bella is just a bit too young and her family doesn't seem to be very supportive of her which is a shame.

Rosalie chuckled slightly and held a little basket with Muffins under my nose.

"Take one; I made them fresh right before you came."

Of course, you did. You probably managed to squeeze that in between one of your other chores that living the life as the perfect American housewife includes.

I forced my lips into a smile and took one of the muffins to nibble on it.

"If you need any help from me for dealing with the baby, I'm here for you."

Would it be rude to tell her that I didn't want her help…ever? It's the same like when she tried to show me how to cook the stupid turkey for Thanks Giving. If I know that someone is better at something than I am that's not really encouraging and I lose interest pretty soon. I don't want to lose interest in my child because my sister in law would try to convince me that it would be way healthier to make my own carrot puree instead of buying the pre-packed stuff. I'm good with kids, my nieces love me dearly but I have no clue how to be a mother. Thanks god, Jasper will be there too to help me in case I mess up things.

"It's really no big deal. Even I would have been overstrained with an infant all by myself."

I raised one eyebrow in confusion.

"Why should I be all by myself? Jasper will be there to help me, won't he?"

XXXX

"Six months! Six fucking months! And when in heaven's name were you planning on telling me about that, Jasper?"

He tried to put one arm on my shoulder in an attempt to calm me down again but I was too pissed off to let him touch me now.

"I just waited for the right moment to tell you about it, Alice."

I snarled and crossed my arms in front of my chest before I sat down on the edge of the couch, as far away from him as possible. The tears were already burning in my eyes and I swallowed hard to keep them from falling.

"Let me give you a little clue, Mr. Hale. The right moment to tell me had been two weeks ago when you found out yourself! Emmett has told your sister right afterwards, so why couldn't you do the same? Don't you think I can handle it too?"

"Darlin', please calm down."

"Don't tell me what to do!"

I burst out into tears and buried my face in my hands to sob like a stupid, insulted child. So much for me being able to handle the situation.

He sighed deeply and wrapped one arm around me, pulling me close against his chest where my mascara would probably leave some black stain on his white shirt.

"I'm sorry."

"About going to Afghanistan or about the fact that you lied to your wife?"

I sniffed and cleaned my nose with a tissue he handed me, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with me, seems like someone has a bad conscious.

"I didn't lie to you. I just waited for the right moment to tell you. You were so tensed and nervous about the whole adoption thing. I wanted to wait until…,"

"I don't care! You still should have told me right after you found out."

He stood up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen where I heard him fumbling in the fridge for a few moments before he returned with a bottle of beer in his hands, taking a sip from it before he spoke up again.

"It's the last time, I promise. When I return I'm getting a job in an engineering office or something like that. Don't you think I want to see our child grow up?"

It was the first time he had called the baby our child and a sudden wave of warmth spread through me. I climbed on his lap and twisted my fingers through his honey blond curls, feeling sad because I know that he would have to crop them off soon.

He cupped my face between his hands and planted a kiss on my mouth, plucking his tongue between my lips when I gasped for air. I never really knew what I was supposed to do when he kissed me. It was all so mechanical and not at all romantic but that was probably just another proof that I was a bit too prudish.

I pulled back a few moments later and took his hand in mine to squeeze it gently.

"I hate it when we fight."

"Me too, darlin'," he murmured leaning forward to graze the shell of my ear with his front teeth. When his left hand moved under my shirt I grabbed my hand around his wrist to stop him.

"No,"

"Oh come, Alice. It's been five weeks. Or are you still mad at me?"

His fingers circled over the collar of my shirt, while he licked his bottom lip in anticipation. I don't know why he always wants to have sex after we argued. Thank god, that doesn't happen too often.

"I'm not mad at you, at least not much."

"Good, now come here and let me feel you…,"

I kissed him again, while my mind drifted into nothing. When we sleep together it's almost like I'm not really there. Sometimes I wonder if he would even recognize the difference between me and a blow up doll.

"Here or upstairs?" he groaned against my neck while he cupped my breasts in his hand.

I felt very tempted to tell him that I didn't give a shit where we would do it. The bed would just be a tiny bit more comfortable when he was hovering above me. Damn it, why couldn't I feel like I should feel?

"Do we have to?" I asked him finally, trying to climb from his lap again. "I'm not really in the right mood now."

"You are never in the right mood. I start wondering what is wrong with you. Maybe you should see a doctor."

I stood up from the couch and kneeled down to stroke over Oreo's fur while I tried to remember if there had ever been a time when I had enjoyed making love. Why in heaven's name it is called that way is beyond me. Sex has not really to do with love in my eyes. I mean love is so wonderful and sex is just so…well it's so unpleasant.

XXXX

I was far more excited about Bella coming here to cook with me than I actually should be. Jasper laughed at me because I went to three different grocery stores just to get all the ingredients for Lasagna. It's not like I haven't done that dish before. Usually I only have to put the box in the microwave and voila…five minutes later you have some yummy Lasagna ready to be served.

When the doorbell rang I checked my reflection in the mirror in the hall cursing myself for even bothering how I looked like. It shouldn't matter to me at all if she thought me pretty or not. A lot of things shouldn't matter to me but unfortunately I couldn't deny that they did. I wanted her to like me, not only because I wanted her to trust me enough to give her baby to me. I wanted her to trust me enough to tell all her secrets to me.

With trembling fingertips I opened the door and my heart instantly skipped a beat when I saw her smiling at me.

"Can I come in?" she asked me, sucking her lower lip into her mouth. What in heaven's name was it with her mouth that I always had to stare at it like a complete moron? I bet it would feel smooth like velvet against mine. How would it be like to kiss another woman anyway?

"Alice?"

"Oh…yes, of course. It's so nice that you came over to show me how to cook, although I'm quite sure you are going to lose your patience with me."

"Don't worry about my patience."

I nodded my head and tried to fight the urge to touch her hair with my fingertips when she twisted it into a messy knot at the back of her neck.

When she saw the ingredients on the kitchen counter she suppressed a giggle. Fuck, I even liked the way she laughed more than I should.

"For how many people are we supposed to cook tonight? About ten?"

"Well, just me and you. Jasper is having dinner with his sister and her family. His trust in my cooking skills is limited, not that I could resent it. I really suck at everything that has to do with housework."

"I'm sure you are not half as bad as you pretend to be. Maybe you just haven't had the right teacher yet. When I'm done with you, you can write your own cookbook."

I shook my head and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. She rinsed some tomatoes under the faucet before she placed them in front of me, handing me a little knife.

"Can you try to cut those into little cubes?"

"I can." What I can't do is stop thinking of you way too much, way to inappropriate, way to…

"Ouch!" I dropped the knife on the table and put my throbbing forefinger in my mouth, tasting the slightly salty and rusty taste of fresh blood.

"Did you cut yourself? Let me see how deep it is."

She took my hand and when she blew lightly over the little cut on my finger I felt my skin breaking out in goose bumps.

"Is it hurting?"

"See, I told you I'm useless in the kitchen," I whispered nervously while I wondered why she didn't let go of my hand. Instead of doing it she started rubbing small circles all over my pulse point.

"Am I making you nervous?"

"Yes, you do."

"Good,"

She wrapped her other arm around my neck, caressing the exposed skin with her fingertips so lightly that she was barely touching me at all, still the thought alone that she was holding me so close made me feel all dizzy. I took a deep breath in order to tell her to stop, to pull back. We couldn't, we shouldn't be standing here like this.

"I want to kiss you," she murmured against my lips, tickling them with her warm breath. "Just one time and no one has to know about it."

"Bella, I…I…I don't…," I don't know what to do now. It's so difficult to think properly with her that close to me. She smelled good too, a bit like orange blossoms and vanilla. I wanted to crawl right under her skin to absorb more of it.

"If you don't like it we don't have to do it ever again but I really think that we need to find out if there really is some…attraction between us. I need to know, I want to know."

Slowly, much too slowly for my liking she leaned forward and for a split second I thought about turning my head to the side. I didn't do it, I couldn't. I didn't want to.

When her lips finally, oh finally, brushed feather light against mine my heart was in my mouth. Her lips were so soft, even softer than I had imagined them to be. When she realized that I wasn't going to pull back anytime soon she deepened the kiss a bit by caressing my lower lip tenderly with the tip of her tongue. I parted my mouth and when my tongue swirled against hers I almost fainted right in her arms.

The tiny little rest of my will power vanished into nothing, and the voice inside my head that should be yelling at me what the fuck I was doing here remained completely silent.

I couldn't deny that I liked kissing her a great deal. It was so soft, so tender, and so natural somehow. When Bella finally pulled back I gasped for air, instantly missing the touch of her lips against mine.

"Wow,"

"That probably means you liked it too, doesn't it?" a smile flashed over her face and I realized that she looked incredibly happy now. Damn it, now I had made her hopes that wouldn't be satisfied.

"Alice?"

I nodded my head, unable to form reasonable words now. It was wrong that I enjoyed the kiss that much, wrong in so many kinds of way and yet I couldn't bring myself to regret it.


	5. Chapter 5

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back to another update of my new soap fiction. What we all hopefully learned from reading **WTHN** is that pregnant women are very interested in…physical attention.

So if you don't like lemons, feel free to skip that part. But something tells me that you wouldn't be here if you didn't expect them in my stories…

This chapter here is dedicated to **BlueGreenEyes **and** silver**. Hope you'll enjoy

****Chapter 5****

I'm emotionally somewhere up on cloud number nine because she allowed me; well she let me kiss her gorgeous mouth. Her cheeks were still covered in a beautiful crimson color while she carefully stirred the sauce around in the pan to keep it from sticking to the ground. Hesitantly I leaned forward and hugged her from behind, planting a soft feather light kiss right underneath her tiny earlobe. She's so fragile and in a way I have never experienced it before it brings up a protective instinct in me. I wanted her to stop feeling guilty for how she felt if she felt anything for me that was. It was so difficult to tell what was going on in her head because she kept a lot to herself. That was something the two of us had in common but right now this habit had a great chance of making everything between us even more complicated.

"I'm such a horrible person," she whispered hoarsely and her voice sounded so tortured that I instantly pulled her closer against me. The baby kicked forcefully against my ribs when it noticed my increased heartbeat. Could it feel what I felt?

"No, you're not. You are probably the kindest person I met in the last months. I'm glad that you are going to take care of the baby."

She sighed deeply and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs, playing nervously with the golden wedding band on her ring finger. Finally she pulled it down and closed her fist around it.

"When we got married I thought we were going to be together forever. Jasper is my best friend. He's a good man. How can I betray him behind his back? Can't you see that thinking of it alone makes me a cheater?"

I kneeled down next to her, sitting down on my heels because it was too difficult to keep my balance with my rounded middle. Crap, pretty soon I wouldn't be able to see my own feet…

"Alice, I don't want to sound rude but I think that you're a bit naïve when it comes to your marriage. You say you love your husband and I can understand that. Jasper is a great guy but that doesn't necessarily mean the two of you are right for each other. Have you ever been with anyone apart of him?"

She shook her head and placed the wedding band on the middle of the table where the light of the lamp above it made its gold color sparkle in different shades of tiny rainbows.

"I married him two weeks after my nineteenth birthday and before that was nothing. I mean nothing but a bit of kissing although we started dating when I was just sixteen. It was so hard for him to wait until our wedding night and yet it was so easy for me. I never cared about sex; I never will care about sex. It's just not that important to me."

I nodded my head and took her hand in mine. Slowly I started circling my forefinger over her wrist up her bare forearm and back to her palm. How someone could not like sex was beyond me. I would do it the entire day if I had someone to do it with that was. But who would want me the way I looked now anyway.

"So you don't like sleeping with your husband and keep having thoughts about kissing other women. Doesn't that ring any bells for you?"

"What kind of bells?"

"Well, maybe that means that you are not as straight as you think you are. Maybe guys just don't do it for you. Maybe…,"

"Maybe you are assuming things that aren't really there. I am not gay. I can't be gay. I won't be gay."

"Say it a hundred times each night before you go to sleep. Hopefully it will come true."

She stood up from the chair and walked over to stare out of the window. I almost stumbled over my middle when I tried to get up again.

I put one arm on her shoulder and when I heard her sobbing I pulled her against my chest in order to comfort her.

"I hate the way you make me feel, Bella. You make me all confused in the head."

"I'm sorry about that." I whispered into the spikey curls of her jet-black hair. "Not about the way I make you feel but that you are so confused about everything."

"I don't want to hurt Jasper now. He's going to Afghanistan in few days. He'll be gone for six months and it's going to be awful enough without me betraying him."

He's going overseas for half a year? That's wonderful news. So much time with her alone, so many possibilities, so many…

"Bella?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"Why is it that I can't stop thinking about you…ever? You are always on my mind whether I'm sleeping or awake."

"I think a lot about you too." I whispered, reaching out my hand to caress her lower lip gently with my fingertip.

"And tonight I'm going to think about that beautiful mouth of yours. How soft it felt against mine. How it tasted like. Will you be thinking about that too?"

She blushed again and before I could even blink her lips were on mine. Our mouths moved with each other, searching for the right rhythm while the tip of her tongue swirled hesitantly over my upper lip. I parted my lips a bit to let her slip her tongue between them. Her hands twisted into my long hair, and when I playfully sucked her bottom lip between my front teeth a low moan escaped her throat. So much for her being prudish…

"We can't keep doing that." she murmured nervously when I planted kisses down her throat and her collarbone.

"Don't tell me you're not enjoying this." I whispered, letting my tongue circle over the shell of her ear.

"I can sense that you do. You're enjoying this as much as I."

She nodded her head and stroked up and down my back. Then her dainty fingers moved under the hem of my shirt and a pleasant shiver went down my spine straight to my core.

"Kissing you makes me feel so…I don't think I can really put a name to it."

"Does it make you want to touch me? Or to be touched by me?" I whispered huskily while I opened the first two buttons of her blouse. My fingertips trembled when they reached the lace fabric of her bra. Before I moved them lower I searched for something like permission in her deep green eyes. I didn't find it there, just questions, millions of questions and desire, so much desire.

Eventually she placed her hand over mine and guided me out of the kitchen into a little room with a metal framed bed in a corner.

"I'm going to hell for this." she murmured so low that her voice was barely audible. I shook my head and cupped her face between my hands, caressing her face in feather light movements.

"Maybe there is no hell…maybe there is just heaven." And right now heaven is right here in my arms, I thought, slowly opening the rest of her blouse until it finally fell down her back and she was standing in front of me, her breasts only covered by the thin lace material of her bra.

Somehow we managed to land on the bed without breaking the contact of our mouths. I kissed her hungrily, maybe because I still felt like I needed to keep her from thinking too much about what we were about to do. I had never been the seducing part when it came to making love and in a way it was exciting to know that I would be the one leading this. I wanted to show her what she had missed in the past, wanted to make her moan and whimper my name while I explored every single inch of her body.

"I don't know what to do, Bella. What you want me to do. I never…I mean I never been with another woman like that. I had fantasies but that's probably not the same."

I kissed her neck again, deeply inhaling the sweetness of her skin while my hands moved lower on her back to open the clasp of her bra. When I touched the soft roundness of her perky breasts a low whimpering noise escaped her throat. Slowly I circled my thumbs over the sensitive tips, enjoying how they hardened a bit under my caress. The cotton fabric of my underwear was already soaked through that much I was sure of. When I felt her fingers cupping my breasts under my shirt I gasped for air. My entire body was overly sensitive right now, especially where she was touching me now.

"Can I take off your shirt?" she asked my shyly, nibbling on her lower lip. There was something about that damn lip biting that was going to be the death of me.

I lifted my arms and for a moment I was terribly embarrassed that she was going to see me half naked now. My body was too round, too swollen to be considered attractive in any kind of way.

Her fingertips circled over my full cleavage. Then she leaned forward and planted soft kisses all over my overheated flesh.

"You are so warm and soft…so beautiful." She opened the clasp of my bra and a moment later I felt the tip of her tongue swirling over the tips of my breasts.

"Oh fuck…,"

She cringed and pulled back, obviously thinking that she had done something wrong now.

"Don't stop."

"But I hurt you."

"You. Did. Not. Hurt. Me." I emphasized each word overdramatically. "Sex is not supposed to hurt."

"Sometimes it does." she mumbled embarrassed, starring down at her own hands.

Her words didn't really make sense to me and yet the thought that she even dared to think that making love could be painful made me feel awkward.

"Come here, you don't have to be afraid to do anything wrong. Just do what feels natural to you."

I massaged her breasts and rolled my thumb over the rosy nipples that pebbled more and more under my touch. Then I lowered my head and sucked one of them between my lips, licking and sucking them greedily until her breaths came out in low groans.

Her hands moved gently over my upper body and each time her fingers brushed over my breasts a gush of more wetness poured down between my thighs. I pressed my legs together to suppress a bit of the throbbing urge to be touched there, by her, by myself, whatever would happen first. But I wanted to touch her too, all of her. I could smell the musky scent of lust in the air and wondered if she was already warm and slick down there, craving for me to touch her, to taste her. Oh fuck, I could already feel the muscles in my lower stomach starting to tighten.

I flipped us over so that I was kneeling between her slim legs. My fingertips caressed the flat skin on her stomach before I opened the buttons of her jeans and pulled them down her ankles. She seemed to tense for a moment but when I took her left foot in my hands to massage it gently she relaxed again.

"That feels nice," she whispered, leaning back against the pillows. A low sigh escaped her lips before she closed her eyes. I missed looking at them but at the same time I was thrilled that she trusted me enough to relax in my presence.

I kissed her ankles and the back of her knee, slowly making my way upwards to the black lace of her panties. When the tip of my tongue nudged gently against the thin fabric her entire body went ridged.

"Oh my god,"

I lifted her hips a bit so that I could remove the last piece of fabric between my mouth and her pussy. I never had felt the urge to taste another woman so much in my life. My own clit was throbbing between my legs and when I finally, oh finally tasted the first drop of her essence I almost came undone. I circled my tongue over her inner lips, holding her open with two of my fingers to explore every single inch between her legs. She tasted sweet and I wanted to bury my face right into the slick heat to lap up all of it.

She moaned and whimpered, twisting her dainty hands into my hair in an unknowingly attempt to keep me right where I was. As if I would stop now, as if I could stop now. Not before I would feel her inner walls clenching around my waiting tongue. Oh sweet heaven…

My hand moved between my thighs, shoving the cotton fabric of my soaked underwear to the side to rub my fingers over my clit while my tongue circled over the tiny pearl of hers. I was close, so fucking close but I wanted to make her come with me, needed her to come with me. Her lust was even more important to me than my own. Carefully I sucked her clit between my lips while I shoved two of my fingers inside of her. She was tight and hot like liquid lava. The tips of my fingers brushed against a sensitive spot in her while I felt my legs started to tremble. My tongue and my fingers found the same rhythm and few moments later a last swirl of the tip of my tongue sent her over the edge. She whimpered and moaned making me realize that the noises she made now could become my favorites on earth. I collapsed between her thighs while the waves of my own climax knocked the breath out of me for a moment. I groaned against her bare folds, circling my tongue up and down her bare folds to lick up more of her lust. I hadn't been with a woman in almost a year and her taste was beyond divine.

Another whimper reached my ear and when it was followed by a low sob I raised my head, cuddling against her side to pull her close to me.

"Are you okay?" I asked her worriedly, while she wrapped her trembling arms around my neck to nuzzle her face against my shoulder blade.

"I am…I am so so…," confused, ashamed, irritated…I finished silently in my head while I petted her naked back with my fingertips.

"Don't feel guilty for what happened between us. Your body wanted this, don't deny it."

"I know, or I don't. I didn't even know I could feel that much. I never feel that way when Jasper sleeps with me. When he is inside me it's like I'm not even really there."

I pulled her closer, planting a kiss on the tip of her nose while I pulled a blanket over her.

"I'm glad you are here now."

"I'm here with you," she whispered, and right now there wasn't anything I wanted more than for her to stay right there.


	6. Chapter 6

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back to another update of my soap-fiction. Thanks for taking the time to read and review. Your support and encouragement means a lot to me.

This chapter here is dedicated to **nzuri94** and **Villemo79**. Hope you'll enjoy

****Chapter 6****

_Alice_

I'm not only a fucking cheater what itself is worse enough. Now I also have this annoying thing called a bad conscience that literally knocks the breath out of me. The last week has been horrible and I'm trying to ignore Bella's texts on my cell as much as possible. She still doesn't give up and that's a new for me. When Jasper realizes I'm not going to talk to him for any unknown period of time he just leaves me alone.

Bella is not like that, not at all. She keeps texting me, no matter if I write back to her or not. Her words make me blush, make my insides tingle as if I have a million of butterflies in my stomach. They make me laugh and yet at the same time the make me want to cry. It's so obvious that she is interested in me, I mean like…really interested and I can't give that to her. Everything is so fucking complicated and somehow I wished it weren't that way.

When Jasper wrapped his arms around me I sobbed against his shoulder. Usually I don't cry when he's leaving but today it's different. I feel so terribly confused about the situation I'm in.

"I love you, darlin'. Take good care of our baby until I come back will you?" he whispered into my ear and I couldn't even answer him verbally. So I just nodded my head in a silent agreement.

He kissed me and once again, I hated myself for not feeling what I was supposed to feel when he did that. I loved him, that much I was sure of but still, kissing him was nothing but pressing my lips against his and wait until he was done with slobbering around with his tongue in my mouth.

When he pulled back a smile flashed over his face. Slowly he wiped away a tear from my cheekbone and with that he was gone. I remained standing where I was, unable to move just one single inch. My head started spinning and for a moment I wondered if I was going to faint now.

Rosie was next to me in no time, putting one arm around my quivering shoulder.

"Hey, you are really taking it hard this time, don't you?" she asked me worriedly, pulling me over to sit on a bench at the side of the parking lot.

"If you want to you can come home with me and the kids. I prepared some homemade Lasagna for us to eat for lunch."

I don't know if it's the mentioning of the same dish Bella tried to teach me or the fact that my nerves are just too tensed at the moment but I'm sure that I can't manage to spend the rest of the day in the presence of my sister in law. So I forced my lips into a grimace that was supposed to look like a smile but shook my head.

"I just want to be a bit alone now. My head is hurting. I didn't really get much sleep last night."

She grinned and I realized that she had very likely misunderstood my words. I should have had sex with my husband last night but I couldn't. I just couldn't no matter how hard I tried to and he wasn't exactly pleased about that. But it's like something has changed deep inside of me and I can't deny it. My entire life I have thought that sex is just some unpleasant part of married life that you have to endure. Now, I know different and yet when Jasper's hand moved between my thighs last night I stayed completely dry down there what made the entire thing extremely…well, unpleasant.

My cell vibrated in my pocket and I flipped it open with trembling fingertips to read the new text.

_You are so pretty when you smile but I really think you need to do it more often_

Before I could really think about what I'm doing I quickly typed a reply to her.

_I don't really feel a lot like smiling in the last time_

Her reply came back when I fumbled for the car keys of the Audi in my handbag.

_You worry too much. PS: if the baby is a boy, he's going to end up as a boxer. I'm all black and blue from the inside_

I smile at the tiny screen in front of me. Not because the baby is obviously hurting her with the kicking but because in a way it makes everything more real for me. In a few months I'm going to be a mom and that thought sent a wave of warmth through me.

XXXX

I sighed deeply when I parked the car in front of her apartment, checking my reflection in the review mirror for about the tenth time before I finally managed to get out of the car. Maybe I should just leave the gift basket in front of her door. It's embarrassing enough that I have bought something like that at all.

My plan on leaving the basket on her door step and run away is shattered when Bella's brunette head appeared in the doorframe. It's like she has felt I was coming or maybe she has some super hearing abilities and has recognized my loud heartbeat.

"Alice…," she whispered and in that moment I realized that I loved the way she says my name more than anything.

"Can I come in for a moment?" I asked her shyly, feeling my palms starting to sweat because I was way too nervous. What the hell is wrong with me?

She leaded me into the apartment and to my surprise it looked as if she's about to move out. There are boxes standing around and it looked as if she was about to put the metal frame of her bed apart before I came.

I sat down on the edge of the couch and crossed my arms in front of my chest. For a few long awkward moments none of us spoke. She sighed and sat down next to me, her thigh almost brushing against mine. I don't know that it is that I crave her physical closeness that much. It's not normal that much I am sure of and still I want more of it not matter how hard I try to suppress it.

"I brought you a present." I stated finally, cursing myself for the shaking in my voice.

"Thanks," she murmured, wrapping the foil from the basket to see what is inside it.

Then she leaned over and planted a soft kiss on my cheek that managed to set my entire body on an invisible fire.

"Almond oil?"

"I've read that's good to prevent stretch marks."

"Massage oil is good anyway." She murmured, opening the lid from the little glass bottle.

"Hmm, that really smells good. I like massages and you?"

I nodded my head and cleared my throat nervously.

"Are you moving out?"

"Not exactly,"

Her entire body started trembling slightly and to my immense horror she burst out into tears a moment later.

"Bella?"

"Oh crap, everything is so fucked up and now I don't even know where to go. I…I…,"

I pulled her against my chest and let her soak the fabric of my shirt with her warm tears while my hands circled up and down her spine in an attempt to calm her down again.

"Why are you crying? Did something happen?"

She sniffed and I pulled a tissue out of my handbag to wipe the smeared mascara from her cheeks.

"Blow, honey," I whispered, placing the tissue gently over her running nose.

She obeyed and something that sounded almost like a low chuckle left her throat.

"You are going to be a good mother, I'm sure of that. You are so…caring."

"I don't know yet. I've never been a mom before."

She took my hand and circled her thumb over my wrist so lightly that she was barely touching me at all.

"Jasper is gone now, isn't he?"

"How do you know?"

"Somehow I'm sure that you wouldn't be here right now if he weren't. It probably makes me a horrible person but somehow I'm glad that he's overseas now."

I couldn't resist the urge to reach out my hand and twist a wisp of her silky brown hair around my finger. When the sunlight reflected in the curl I realized that it had different shades of warm red in it.

"Why can't I ever stop thinking about you, Bella? I tried so hard to do it but it's not working."

She cupped my face in her hand and caressed it gently with her fingertips, while her eyes somehow seemed to focus on my mouth.

"Stop trying, Alice." she whispered against my lips before she kissed me tenderly. It's a slow kiss, almost as if she's asking for permission and I give it to her. My mouth moved with her and when she parted her lips a bit I swirled my tongue against the velvety tip of hers.

When someone knocked on the door both of us shrugged back at the same moment. She sighed and stood up from the couch to open it.

"Aren't you gone yet?" the red-haired woman snarled at her as soon as she stepped into the apartment.

"I'm so sorry, Victoria but I…well I had school in the Morning and…,"

"I don't give a shit about your education, young Miss. I care about the money that you owe me for letting you stay in this apartment. Now get your stuff and piss off before I call the cops."

Bella sniffed again and I stood up from the couch to hug her tightly from behind.

"Stop talking to her like that. Who do you think you are?"

"Excuse me, Missy but that's none of your damn business. She didn't pay the rent for the last three weeks so she's going to move out here – like now. It was wrong taking in a stupid teenager who is trying to live on her own. I should probably inform the authorities to make sure they take the poor kid away from her."

She closed the door with a loud bang and Bella collapsed on the floor, curling into a ball as if she was somehow trying to make herself invisible.

I kneeled down next to her and pulled her quivering body against me until her head was resting on my lap. For the first time I realized how young she really was and how alone she was in a situation that no one should ever be alone in. I didn't want her to be alone, ever.

XXXX

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked me worriedly when I lifted the last box with her clothes out of the trunk.

"Yes, it is. I have the house all for myself for the next months and I'm sure that Jasper wouldn't mind it at all if he knew you would be staying here with me until the baby is born."

We walked into the house and Oreo instantly started rubbing himself against my shin until I lifted him up on my arm as soon as I put down the box.

"Hello sweetie, look whom Momma has brought with her."

He meowed and I planted a kiss on the fluffy fur on his head before I put him down again.

"You talk to your cat, that's funny." She stated, pressing her hand against her back.

"Well, sometimes it feels like Oreo is the only one who can understand me. Does that sound weird to you?"

"No, it doesn't. Ah…ouch, crap."

She leaned a bit forward and inhaled sharply between her teeth while her face turned into a pained grimace.

"Are you in pain?" I asked her wondering if she was probably experiencing some premature labor or something like that.

"My poor back is killing me but that's my own fault. I shouldn't have tried to put the bed apart on my own."

I pulled her over into the living room and made her sit down on the couch. Then I sat down behind her and started massaging her shoulders in smooth circles.

"Is it weird to tell you that I missed you in the last week?" I whispered, leaning forward to plant a kiss right underneath her earlobe. All of this is so wrong and yet it feels so right at the same moment. How is that even possible?

She turned her head and kissed my lips, sending those nameless waves of...is it lust…down my spine.

"I missed you too, so very much. Whenever I close my eyes I see your pretty face in front of me."

She sighed and leaned back against my shoulder. I pulled her shirt over her head and start moving my fingertips up and down her bare skin while I planted kisses all over her shoulder, swirling my tongue over the hollow of her throat because suddenly I'm kind of curious how her pale skin tastes like.

That itself is a new for me. I've never been curious about something like that before. Maybe it's because with her I don't feel like I need to be afraid of doing something wrong. Touching and caressing her feels so…natural to me. Shouldn't it be that way when I was with my husband? Jasper had assumed that maybe there was something physically wrong with me because it took me way too long to warm up. Our relationship would be so much easier without sex.

I closed my eyes but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't manage to see his face in front of me. All I could see was her. Her face, her smile, the way she cradled her rounded middle whenever the baby kicked inside her. I didn't want to think about her that much, it was wrong and would lead to nothing but trouble for everyone involved and yet, while I held her in my arms, somewhere deep inside me I was beginning to realize it was right.


	7. Chapter 7

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back to a new episode of my soap fiction. I'm thrilled by your interest in this story. Your support is what keeps me writing, so thanks a lot for it.

This chapter here is dedicated to **ritsuMonkey7** and **ttandme69**. Hope you'll enjoy

****Chapter 7****

When I woke up in the morning it took me a few moments to realize where I was. It was so damn quiet and that was a new to me considering where I had lived in the last five months. Then I remembered how Alice had insisted on me coming to her own house to stay there with her. My lips curved into a smile.

She wanted to have me near her and that thought filled me with a pleasant wave of warmth. The baby kicked against my ribs and that movement made me realize that maybe Alice's being so nice to me wasn't really about me. Maybe she was trying to make sure her future child wouldn't be born under a bridge or something like that. I wanted her to like me and for about the thousandth time I wished for having said no to Jake during that one fatal night. Everything would be so much easier for me if I hadn't fucked up my sorry excuse of a life by getting knocked up.

Slowly I stood up from the bed and twisted my hair into a knot, knowing that it would be useless trying to comb through the mess.

When I walked down the stairs into the kitchen I almost stumbled over the cat.

"Are you hungry?" I asked him while he rubbed his head against my leg as if he was somehow trying to mark me. Did cat mark people? At least he didn't pee on me or something like that to do whatever he was doing.

"Where is your food?"

God, dam it, Bella you are talking to an animal. How much worse can it get?

I searched for the cat food and finally found it under the sink. Then I put some of it into the little silvery bowl in the left corner of the kitchen. The stupid cat didn't seem too pleased about my attempt on feeding him because he ignored the bowl for almost five minutes before he finally started nibbling halfheartedly on the brownish stuff that had smelled awfully like fish if you came to close to it.

My eyes caught the pictures on the fridge. There was one with Alice and her inevitable husband. He was in his uniform and next to him she looked like a little school girl, way too young and way too shy. I honestly wondered why she got married that soon if she wasn't even pregnant. Wasn't that the main reason for people tying the knot straight after school?

"Morning, Bella." A light voice greeted me from behind and when I turned around I couldn't help but grin at her like a complete moron. She was so damn pretty, even now when she hadn't applied any makeup and with her hair still damp from the shower she had obviously taken before she came down.

"Morning, Alice. Did you sleep well?"

She shook her head and a low chuckle left her throat.

"The little tyrant kept me up until about two A.M. Oreo is thrilled that he's allowed to sleep in my bed again."

Would it be a smart idea to tell her, that I would have been thrilled too, if she had "allowed" me, to stay in her bedroom instead of the little guestroom at the other side of the hall? No, probably not. She had made up some lame excuse, telling me that she snored terribly but I knew that she was just insecure of sharing her bed with me. I didn't give a shit whether she snored or not, if enduring it meant holding her close to me before I fall asleep.

"Again?" I asked her curiously, while I tried to keep my eyes on her face instead of letting them move up and down her gorgeous curves.

"Well, Jasper can't stand it for crying out loud. He insists it's insanitary but when he's gone I can do what I want."

We could do what we want too…

"Do you always do what your husband wants you to do?"

She blushed and turned around to grab some milk from the fridge.

"Do you want to have coffee or orange juice?"

"Juice is fine. I don't really like coffee that much since my little…accident."

"Please stop calling the baby an accident. That's just not right. It's a human being and not an accident."

Hesitantly she reached out her hand and placed it right under my belly button. Somehow this seemed to encourage the little thing inside of me to kick against her palm as hard as he or she could. The baby obviously seemed to know that Alice cared.

"Aren't you going to answer my previous question about your hubby because you're embarrassed that I'm right?"

"No, I'm not. Jasper is… well he's just a bit…bossy from time to time."

"Hmm, I see. Can I ask you another question without being too curious? Why did you get married at such a young age?"

She sighed deeply and sat down next to me. For a moment it seemed as if she was just going to ignore my question but then she cleared her throat nervously.

"I did it to get out of my parents' house. Pretty embarrassing isn't it? Don't get me wrong, I love Jasper. He's just wonderful. My family back in Mississippi is very religious and I didn't have any kind of freedom when I lived with them. It was as if I couldn't breathe."

"It's actually possible to move out without getting married. Didn't you know that?"

Her hands trembled for a moment before she grabbed the bottle with the orange juice and poured me a glass.

"You think that I'm stupid and weak, don't you?"

I shook my head and took her hand in mine to squeeze it gently. My fingertips caressed the soft skin on her wrist in small circles and after a few moments of what was probably supposed to be some kind of inner struggle a low sigh escaped her throat.

"This is so wrong."

This is so right.

"I'm a horrible person for liking it that much when you touch me. But you are so…tender. It's so hard to not like it."

"Why do you think it is wrong? How can it be wrong if you like it so much?"

She swallowed hard and for a moment I was afraid that she was going to cry now. I didn't want her to.

"I'm betraying my husband."

"And if he weren't…?"

"But he is and he has always been there for me. He is my best friend and I don't know if you know can understand that but we're so close. Whenever I'm miserable he manages to cheer me up again."

Fuck, Jasper is her Jake that kind of explains a lot…

"Maybe the two of you would have been better off as friends?"

"My parents would have never let me move to another state with a male _friend_. Look, I know that you can't understand this."

I leaned forward and cupped her face between my hands.

"I understand that I like you…and whether you want to admit it or not…you like me too."

"I shouldn't…,"

"You do…,"

My mouth was on hers before she could speak another word. Words aren't going to lead to anything. Words can't make her feel the way I want her to feel but my lips against her soft ones can. I kissed her slowly, swirling just the tip of my tongue over her upper lip so lightly that I was barely touching her skin at all. Yet this seemed to encourage her to deepen the kiss a bit, her tongue slipped between my lips, tasting and exploring the inside of my mouth. In this moment she didn't think whether this was wrong or not. It is morally. She's a cheater, if you consider kissing cheating and yet it would be cheating herself if she didn't give into this. I want her to want me, like I want her and somehow deep inside of me, I'm determined to make her see…

XXXX

I hated hospitals and everything that was included with them more than anything and I didn't even care about the monthly check-ups up until today. Today was different because Alice was coming with me and she was more excited than a child who was going to get an early Christmas present.

Her hand was drawing lazy circles over my left thigh while I tried to concentrate a bit on my Trig homework. It was so hard to focus on school right now when I had so many other things going on in my head. Yet, I was determined to manage to make it through this damn year.

"Is this your first child?" a strawberry-blonde woman who was sitting opposite of me and Alice asked me curiously, looking up from the magazine on her lap.

"Yes," I answered shorty, not really feeling in the mood to start some small talk now.

"Lovely. Is the baby going to be a boy or a girl?"

"We'll find out about that today. I'm so excited. I'm wishing for a girl. I always wanted to have a little daughter." Alice told her cheerfully, while she placed her hand on my abdomen again, caressing it gently with her fingertips as if it would hold something extremely precious and for her I guess it did.

"Girls are easier to handle for couples like you. Boys tend to miss the male part of the parents too much."

"We are not a couple." I stumbled out, blushing into three different shades of red while Alice instantly pulled her hand away from me.

"Oh, I'm sorry." The strawberry-head whispered.

"It's just…the two of you seem so much like a couple, a pretty happy one on top of that."

My mouth opened and closed several times but no understandable words came out of it, no matter how hard I tried.

"Miss Swan?

"Ye…e…s?" I croaked nervously.

"Dr. Cullen is ready to see you now."

I followed the nurse into the examinations room where she checked my weight and my blood pressure.

"Is she okay?" Alice asked her worriedly when the thin-lipped woman wrote down some notes on a tablet.

"Her blood pressure is bit too low and her blood results show that she has some issues with iron and Vitamin B. Aren't you eating your vitamin pills regularly?"

"Sometimes I tend to forget…,"

"I'll make sure she won't forget it in the future anymore." Alice told her, taking a wisp of my hair between her fingers to twist it around them.

The nurse gave her an irritated look before she rushed out of the room.

"Good evening, Miss Swan." The doctor greeted me when he entered the room. He was a bit too friendly and a bit too good-looking than any non-TV doctor should be like but I had figured out that I liked him. The good thing about him was that he wasn't judging, at least he didn't seemed to be. Maybe it was because he was used to deal with unwanted pregnancies.

"Oh, I see you brought some company with you today."

He gave Alice a warm smile before he made me lay back and squeezed some ice-cold gel on my naked underbelly.

"Are you a friend or family of Miss Swan?"

"She's the adoptive mother." I explained to him, turning my head to the side when the first blurry black and white pictures appeared on the monitor. I didn't want to see. Seeing it would make it more real and I didn't need this baby to be more real than it already was.

"Everything looks pretty good. Would you like me to tell you the sex?"

I nodded my head, trying to suppress the sudden urge to cry. Somehow all of this was so incredibly sad and although Alice was standing next to me, close enough that her fingertips brushed gently against my hipbone I still felt alone. She wasn't here because of me but because of the baby inside of me. A baby she already seemed to think of as her own while I so desperately tried to not see it as mine.

"Congratulations, it's going to be a little girl."

"REALLY?" Alice's voice raised two octaves before she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my face over and over again.

"It's a girl! It's a girl! Can you believe that? God, I'm so, so happy!"

Her pretty face was glowing with excitement and in that moment everything started to be way more real to me than I wanted it to be. The baby that was kicking under my heart was a girl. Alice was going to have the daughter she had wished for. I sniffed but before I could grab a tissue Alice's dainty hand was already on my face, wiping away my tears with her fingertips. And in that moment I knew it, knew it with every breath I took, that I wanted to find a way to make Alice mine.

XOXXOXXXOXXOX

[A/N] I would love to break the 100th review limit with this chapter, so press the little review button before you leave. Your feedback means a lot.

Help me finding a name for the baby, if you want to. I have a few ideas but I haven't decided yet how I want to name her.


	8. Chapter 8

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Blows kisses to all the lovely people who took the time to read and review. I had to reward your amazing feedback with another update.

This chapter here is dedicated to **PunkRockPessimist** and **Palistus**. I hope you'll enjoy

****Chapter 8****

_Alice_

Liking her is wrong, I repeated over and over again in my head while I was trying to fight the almost unbearable urge to stand up from my bed and walk over to the little room at the other side of the hall.

My hands started sweating and although I didn't want to think about it my mind automatically drifted to Bella again. How it had felt like to kiss her soft lips, so incredibly tender and natural although it clearly wasn't; so right although it was so wrong…

I stood up from my bed and walked down the hall, hesitating for a moment before I knocked on the door.

"Come in,"

I entered the room and sat down on the edge of her bed, reaching out my hand to put a wisp of her silky hair behind her ear.

"I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"Not really. I couldn't sleep because I've got too much going on in my mind."

Slowly she leaned forward and caressed my hand with her fingertips.

"You keep thinking about me too, aren't you?"

I nodded my head and sighed deeply while her lips brushed over my knuckles in feather light kisses that managed to send pleasant shivers down my spine. That she could make my body react like that…

"I can't stop no matter how hard I'm trying to. You are always in my head."

"Maybe you need to stop trying. Do what your heart tells you to do, what your body tells you to do."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer, so close that our lips were almost touching.

"I keep thinking about you too, Alice, all the time. Especially about how you whimpered my name when I made you come with my tongue."

My face suddenly felt a lot warmer and I was thankful that it was so dark in the room that she wouldn't be able to notice my blush.

"Don't tell me that you didn't like it when I did that. I know you did…I felt how much you enjoyed it."

"Yes, I did. But it was wrong."

Slowly she stroked up and down my forearms in small circles while I desperately tried to get my traitorous breathing under control.

"But you enjoyed it, didn't you? Tell me, did your husband ever made you feel this way when you were with him?"

My voice was barely a husky whisper when I managed to speak up.

"No, he didn't. But that's not his fault. He's really trying to make it enjoyable for me too but it's just not working."

"But when I touch you it's working, isn't it. You feel it all over your body when I caress you, don't you?

She cupped my breasts gently over the cotton fabric of my shirt, letting her fingers circle gently over the sensitive tips.

"Let me make love to you, Alice. No one has to know. It'll be our secret."

I swallowed hard and somewhere in a corner of my mind I knew that this was exactly the right moment to stand up from her bed again, exactly the right moment to leave this room and never think of her like that again. I wasn't strong enough to do it though. I wanted her, like I had never wanted another person before.

Before I could actually think about what I was doing I kissed her mouth. My tongue slipped between her slightly parted lips when she gasped for air. Her hands moved under my shirt and when she started rolling my nipples between her thumb and her forefinger I moaned into her mouth.

"You are so beautiful." she mumbled against my neck while her hands continued massaging my breasts. I wanted to touch her too, feel her too. With trembling fingertips I lifted her shirt over her head.

"You are beautiful," I told her, letting my hands move over the soft roundness of her breasts, feeling their rosy peaks under my palms. Hesitantly I leaned forward and swirled the tip of my tongue over one of it.

"Yes, just like that…," she whispered hoarsely while her fingertips caressed my flat stomach so lightly that she was barely touching my skin at all.

My mouth closed around one of her hardened nipples and when I started sucking and licking them greedily like a hungry infant several low moans left Bella's throat.

"I want to taste you again, my beautiful green eye."

Hearing her speak of such things so openly increased the almost unbearable pulsating between my legs. I could feel myself getting wet just from her words and automatically my hand moved between Bella's thighs, caressing their insides gently until I dared to move my fingers higher. When I my fingertips brushed against her panties I realized that they were already damp with moisture.

I pulled them down her ankles and stood up from the bed to lift my nightgown over my head. Never before in my life had I felt this bold before but there was something about her, about the way her body reacted to my touch that made it impossible for me to stop.

"Isn't that…weird for you to touch me down there…with your mouth?" I asked her hesitantly when I cuddled against her side again, my left hand reaching out to fondle her full breasts. I loved touching her there. They felt so warm and soft against my palms.

"I love doing that to another woman. It turns me on to pleasure my lover like that."

She kissed my mouth again and gently nudged her tongue against my lower lip before she sucked it between her front teeth to nibble it gently.

"I don't know if I could ever do that." I told her embarrassedly when she pulled back a few moments later.

"Don't worry about it. I would never expect you to do anything that you don't want to."

Her fingers moved under the fabric of my underwear and when her fingertips circled over my clit I couldn't hold back a moan.

"God, Bella…,"

"Do you like it when I touch your pussy like that?"

Fuck, she wasn't actually going to keep this sort of talking up? It was just so…so dirty somehow.

"Alice?"

"Yes, I like it. Please stop talking like this, it's irritating me."

"Why?" she whispered into my ear while her fingers stroked up and down my inner lips in small circles. I wanted to feel them on my clit again. God, I needed to feel them there or I would probably combust.

"Because it's…well, I don't know…"

"Stop thinking too much. Just focus on what you're feeling and tell me what you want me to do."

"Higher…can you touch me a bit higher?"

"Like this?"

She asked me, letting her thumb roll over the throbbing pearl of my clit.

"Yes, like that. Oh, fuck, Bella that feels so good. Don't stop…oh please don't stop."

I wanted to feel her too, pleasure her too like she was doing it to me and so I slipped my hand between her thighs. She was clean shaven and her soft skin was covered in slick warm moisture. It felt better to touch her down there than anything else I had ever felt under my fingertips.

"You are wet." I whispered, almost unable to believe it was my own mouth forming that kind of words.

"Because of you…just because of you, touching you turns me on so much."

Our lips found each other again in the darkness; tasting and exploring the inside of our mouths while my fingers circled over her clit in the same rhythm she was moving hers over mine over and over again.

Finally after a few minutes I felt her breathing coming out in raspy groans followed by a tremble that seemed to go through her entire body for several minutes.

When she managed to catch her breathe again, she planted a soft kiss on my mouth.

"That was wonderful. You are wonderful. Now lean back and relax. Think of nothing."

I wanted to tell her to stop, it didn't seem right to me that she would go down on me when I wasn't even sure if I would ever be able to do the same to her. It was just so…intimate somehow.

Her tongue swirled up and down between my folds, until she concentrated her attention on my clit, teasing it with the tip of her tongue while she shoved two of her fingers inside curling them upwards against my belly where they rubbed against an overly sensitive spot inside of me. I lost it, completely, hopelessly. My inner walls clenched around her tender fingers inside of me while wave after wave of my climax washed over me. I had barely managed to make myself come with my own hands on the few attempt I had started on self-pleasure but what Bella was able to do with my body was so much better, so much stronger. Somehow she seemed to know all the sweet spots of my body and I couldn't wait to discover all of hers.

XXXX

"Good morning, green eye." She greeted me when I entered the kitchen, inhaling deeply to absorb as much of the delicious scent that was streaming out of a pot on the stove.

"You should have woken me up. It's almost…,"

"Almost time for lunch I know. Don't worry about sleeping in. You needed some rest and you've been sleeping so peacefully like a baby that I didn't have the heart to wake you up."

I hugged her from behind and planted a kiss on her exposed neck. My fingers moved gently over the roundness of her abdomen. The baby kicked against my palm. My little daughter was going to be strong and that was probably a good thing.

"Can I ask you something? Why did you cry when the doctor told us the sex of the baby?"

She sighed deeply and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs.

I kneeled down in front of her and cupped her face between my hands.

"Are you sad?"

"I fucked up my life with this pregnancy. It's not fair. Jake can pretend nothing ever happened between us but I can't that's so fucking unfair!"

"Is this Jake the father?"

"He's the one who knocked me up. I wouldn't exactly use the word father for him."

"Hmm, I see. Look, I know it sounds stupid to you but I actually think that you should be happy to be pregnant. It's a blessing. God, I would do anything just to be able to feel for one moment what you are feeling, to feel the baby grown inside of me."

I thought about the countless attempts of getting pregnant, the endless peeing on pregnancy tests that would never show the hoped for result. I remembered all the awful argumentation with Jasper, about the use of a sperm donor that didn't lead to anything.

"I'm just so scared." Bella whispered so low that her voice was barely audible.

"I'm scared too,"

"Not of the same things I am afraid of, Alice."

I twisted a wisp of her long hair around my fingers and pulled her closer to me, planting a soft kiss on the tip of her nose.

"I don't want to love this child."

"But you're starting to do it anyway, aren't you?"

"It's so hard…so hard not to love her. This morning when I woke up my hands were cradled around my middle."

"It's okay that you love her. I love her too and I will never cut you out of her life after the adoption. You'll always be a part of her life."

"And of your life?" she asked me, taking my hand in hers to interlace her fingers with mine.

"I don't know yet. Everything is so complicated right now. All I know is that I can't manage to stay away from you no matter how hard I try."


	9. Chapter 9

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back to another episode of #UHW. Thanks for taking the time to read and review. It means a lot to me.

This chapter here is dedicated to **chaseherchiss** and **Villemo79**. Hope you'll enjoy

****Chapter 9****

Selfish that was exactly the right word to describe my current behavior. I wanted to be with Alice no matter how complicated our affair would probably make things for her. She was such a sensitive person and the thought that she was cheating on her loving husband behind his back was torturing her.

When she had woken up in my arms in the morning she had burst out in tears and it had been impossible to calm her down. That was the first moment I realized that it wouldn't be possible to continue like we had.

"I'm sorry," she whispered when she entered the kitchen, her eyes still red and swollen despite the thick layer of concealer and eye makeup she had put on to cover it up.

I took her hand in mine and started drawing circles all over her bare forearm and down to her delicate wrist again.

"You don't have to apologize. I understand that the situation is difficult for you."

She sighed deeply and nodded her head before she sat down on a chair next to me.

"Are you hungry? I made some French toast for breakfast."

"You don't have to cook for me in my own house. It makes me feel awkward. I should be the one who should cook for you."

I picked up a bit of the toast and dipped it into the maple syrup on my plate before I put it to her mouth.

"Try,"

Almost automatically she parted her lips and when a tiny drop of the syrup remained on the corner of her mouth I instantly felt the urge to reach forward to lick it off with the tip of my tongue. I didn't do it but the thought alone sent a sudden wave of warmth through my entire body.

"It's delicious. I've tried to make some of that stuff myself but I burned it and the smoke alarm went on."

"I can show you how to avoid that. Cooking really isn't as difficult as it obviously seems to be to you."

"Deal?"

"You're on,"

Alice cleared her throat nervously and poured herself a glass of water that she emptied in one big gulp.

"Can I ask you a question, Bella? Did you always know that you were…that you were like _this_? And if you did, then why are you expecting a baby now?"

"These are actually two questions but I don't mind. Yes, I always knew that I'm attracted to my own sex. It's just part of who I am."

"And the baby?"

"My mother kicked me out after I told her that I was gay and my so-called best friend took me in. It took me too long to realize that it wasn't a completely selfless decision on his part. I cried a lot and Jake comforted me. It felt good to be taken care of until that…that night when everything went out of control."

"Did he force himself on you?" she asked me worriedly, reaching out her dainty hand to place it gently over mine. The touch of her skin against mine was comforting. It made me feel safer than anything else ever had done it before in my life. She was so caring and I had to swallow hard to keep the tears from falling. Unfortunately she seemed to misinterpret this as a silent affirmation to her question.

Her beautiful green eyes widened in horror and her mouth opened and closed a few times without forming audible words.

"Jake, didn't rape me. Please, stop thinking that. If I had said no that night he would have stopped, I'm sure about that."

"But why did you sleep with him, if you knew that you are a lesbian?"

"Look, I was alone and he was the only person who was there for me. It was wrong to have sex with him but somehow I hoped that what I felt for him would be enough. I wished it were enough but it's not."

"Does he know about the baby?"

I quickly shook my head. For the first time in all these months I realized that telling Jake I was pregnant was something that had never occurred to me. The little girl inside of me kicked against my ribs so forcefully that I gasped for air.

"The baby is going to break my ribs if it keeps kicking so hard." I mumbled, cradling my swollen middle between both hands.

"Shhh," Alice murmured, placing her own hand underneath my belly button.

"She's strong. That's a good thing. Girls should be strong."

Her fingertips circled gently over my abdomen and when her fingertips brushed over the small stripe of bare skin between my shirt and my jeans I felt a pleasant shiver running down my spine.

"I hope the baby is going to look like you."

"Why?"

"Because you are beautiful,"

"You think I'm beautiful?"

"Yes, I do. Your hair is lovely and your skin is almost translucent when the light is right."

Her eyes moved up and down my cleavage for a moment and to my amusement her cheeks reddened into a bright crimson color.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what is wrong with me but I can't stop looking at your breasts. It's so wrong and embarrassing."

"It's only embarrassing because that's what you want it to be."

"No, I don't. I want to be normal. I should be normal. My husband and I are going to have a child to take care of in a few months."

I cupped her face between my hands and pulled her closer to me, letting my breath tickle her plump lower lip before I pressed my mouth against hers. For a split second she seemed to be frozen in shock but then her lips started moving with mine and the world around us vanished into blurry nothing. I wanted her, she wanted me and as selfish as it might be I couldn't bring myself to regret it.

XXXX

I wrapped my arms around her from behind and planted a kiss on her shoulder while she stirred the mushroom Risotto in the pan so carefully that it looked as if she was trying to perform some dangerous chemical experiment.

"See, you're cooking. I knew that you could do it."

She turned her head and gave me a little smile.

"You are always so encouraging, even if I make mistakes. I'm not used to that."

The doorbell rang and Alice instantly shrugged back from our embrace.

"Don't be afraid. Like I told you, no one needs to know about…," I was tempted to say about us but instead I cleared my throat nervously. "No one needs to know what the two of us do when we're alone. It's our secret."

She nodded her head and went to open the door.

There were giggling noises coming from the hall, like Alice laughed and then a little honey-blonde girl with ice cream smeared all over her chin rushed into the kitchen.

"Mommy! There is a strange woman in Aunt Alice's kitchen!"

"Lana McCarty, I thought I told you not to yell like that?" A tall woman with wavy hair told her reproachfully as she entered the kitchen. She was beautiful but the way her coral tinted lips turned into a frown when she saw me made me instantly feel uncomfortable.

"Who are you?"

Alice returned, placing a scrawly drawing on the table.

"Bella, this is Rosalie McCarty, my husband's sister. Rose, this is Bella. She's the mother of the baby, we are going to adopt."

"Oh, I see." Rose's mouth turned into the attempt of a polite smile when she reached out her hand to shake it for a moment.

"My brother and Alice are going to be very good parents, be sure about that."

"I know."

The little girl with the ice-cream smeared face sniffed and I pulled out a tissue from my pocket. Alice took it and kneeled down in front of her to clean her face.

"Daddy is gone again."

"I know, sweetie. But he'll come home to you and your sisters soon."

"How soon?"

"Very soon, I promise."

"Alice, has Jasper already called you? I tried to skype with Em last night but the connection was crappy."

She nodded her head and I wondered if she had probably spoken to him while I was showering or something? I couldn't remember having heard her on the phone.

"Would you like to eat something?"

"You cooked? Did something happen with the Chinese Take Out that usually brings your dinner?"

"Bella is teaching me how to cook. We made Risotto. It was fun."

We made love in the spare bedroom last night and it was lots of fun too. I licked my lower lip while I remembered the slight tartness in her essence.

"It's probably a good idea that the two of you are going to get to know each other a bit better."

You have no idea how good we are going to get to know each other…

"Aren't you feeling well, Bella? You look a little bit flushed."

I cringed and spilled my glass of orange juice all over the kitchen table.

"I'm just warm,"

"That's why I had all my kids during the winter months. But I assume that your pregnancy wasn't exactly planned."

Fucking bitch…

"Rose, please, you're making her feel uncomfortable. Stop that."

Alice's sister in law frowned again but then she lifted her little daughter up balancing her on her right hip.

"Say goodbye to your Aunt, Lana. We have to pick your sisters up from their cello lesson."

"But I want to stay here. Can't you pick me up later?"

"Perhaps another time, honey. When your aunt's ...visitor is gone."

Her aunt's visitor is going to stay here for a very, long time…

"You can leave Lana here if she wants to stay. I'm sure Bella won't mind."

I nodded my head and forced my lips into the weak attempt of a smile. I wasn't good with kids because I never really knew how to act around them.

"Fine, Alice. Don't let her eat any candy. She already had more ice cream than she should have."

Alice nodded her head and hugged the statuesque blonde for a moment before Rose waved her hand at her little daughter and walked out of the kitchen.

As soon as her mother was out of sight Lana turned to Alice, her mouth turning into smile that was probably causing her ears pain.

"Can I have M & M's?"

"Your mommy said I shouldn't give you candy."

"But I'm hungry. It's forbidden to let kids starve when they are hungry."

I chuckled. The little blonde girl seemed to be a smart-assed brat.

"Do you want an apple?"

"Can you cut it that it looks like a smurf's house? It tastes way better when you do that."

Alice rinsed a red apple under the faucet and cut it into several pieces, placing it together until it finally looked like a tiny house.

"Here we go."

"You are good with kids." I whispered into Alice's ear when I leaned forward to put a wisp of her hair behind her ear.

"I'm sure that you are going to be a great mom."

**XOXOXXOXXXOXXO**

Reviews are love


	10. Chapter 10

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back my lovely readers. Thank you for taking the time to read my little soap-fiction here.

This chapter is dedicated to **rookie802** and **Bela23**. Hope you'll enjoy

****Chapter 10****

_Alice_

When I heard the phone starting to ring down in the kitchen I almost stumbled over my own feet when I rushed down the stairs. My entire body was covered in a thin layer of sweat when I finally grabbed the receiver. I hated these nightly calls, they usually didn't mean any good.

"Hale?" I croake breathlessly, leaning back against the kitchen counter behind me.

"Hi Darlin',"

"Oh thanks god, it's you, Jasper. You almost gave me a heart attack by calling at this time."

"I'm sorry, Darlin' but I can only call when we have connection and that happens to be at the most random times."

"I miss you," I whispered, opening the fridge to drink some milk straight out of the box. Jasper hated it when I did that but he wasn't here to see it. He wasn't here to see a lot of things he would never approve of. Before I could manage to compose myself a desperate sob left my throat followed by warm salty tears on my lips.

"Hey, are you crying? Please don't do that. Everything will be okay."

Everything will so not be okay because my stupid, absolutely uncontrollable emotions will fuck everything up. Everything, I ever wished for. Everything WE ever wished for.

"Alice, Darlin' you're starting to worry me. I want you to sit down now and take a deep breath. Can you do that for me?"

I did like he told me to and wiped my running nose at the back of my hand. Then I sighed deeply, trying to keep my voice calm when I spoke up again.

"I miss you so much."

"I miss you too, Darlin'. Did I miss anything in the last days?"

Apart from me cheating on you with the birth mother of our child? Oh yes, of course…

"We….I mean I went with Bella to her check-up. They told us the sex of the baby."

"And?"

"It's going to be a girl."

"Too bad,"

"What is wrong with the baby being a girl? You know that I wished for one."

He chuckled into the receiver and I heard him slurping down something through his teeth.

"We have four nieces. Don't you think that a little boy would have been a welcomed addition to this family?"

"Probably, I'm still happy that I'm going to have a daughter."

"WE are going to have a daughter, Alice."

"I know. Oh, there is something more that I need to tell you. Promise me not to get mad at me, will you?"

"Don't tell me you damaged the poor Audi? Jeez, Alice, I told you to drive carefully."

"It hasn't got anything to do with the stupid car. Sometimes you give me the impression that you care more about this piece of scrap metal than about me."

"Oh, Darlin', you know that's not true."

I cleared my throat nervously before I continued.

"I kind of took Bella in." And I kind of developed some absolutely inacceptable feelings for her.

"You did what?"

"Well, she had some trouble with her landlady and now I've decided that she's going to live here with me until the baby is born."

"Did it ever occur to you to talk to your husband before making such a decision?"

I growled because I hated it when he treated me like that, like I was too naïve to think about the consequences of my choices. Okay, technically I had no clue what the consequences of my action would be but still…

"Alice?"

"My husband is not here right now, so unfortunately I have to handle some things on my own. I have decided that Bella is staying here and she will."

"Why are you so bitchy now? Did you get your period again?"

"Do you honestly think that's the only reason why a woman gets agitated?"

"Oh come on, Alice. Don't be like that now. I really miss you."

"I miss you too but I hate it when you make me feel like a helpless teenage girl who can't take care of her life herself."

"Oh baby, I know that you're not. But the memory of you as one is so…tempting. I still have that picture of you wearing your Cheerleader uniform with me."

Great, my husband obviously still sees me as the school girl I was when we got together. Hasn't he noticed that I have changed in the last five years? I'm not the one I used to be back then.

"Go back to sleep now, Darlin'. I call you when I can, okay?"

"Kay,"

"I love you."

"Ditto,"

I heard him disconnect the call and sighed deeply, listening to the dialing tone for several minutes until I finally managed to put down the receiver again.

XXXX

"You look tired," Bella told me, reaching out her hand to put a wisp of my hair behind my ear. I gave her an almost apologetic smile and returned my attention on the slices of bread, dipping them carefully into the mixture of eggs and milk.

"Jasper called at about two A.M. and I couldn't really go back to sleep afterwards."

"Is he okay?"

That she was so concerned about his well-being although in a way he was her rival made me feel awkward. It was wrong that I liked her so much. Wrong that she liked me that much and still it made me so….I don't really know….proud somehow?

"He's fine, thank you. I told him that you're living here with me but he didn't seem to be very pleased about it."

"Did you tell him about…well, about _that_ too?"

"I don't want him to freak and do something stupid."

"Good. Like I told you before, Alice – no one needs to know what the two of us do when we are alone."

Her fingertips brushed gently over my lower lip and when I parted my mouth a tiny bit I could taste a bit of the honey she had mixed into the fruit salad she had prepared for us.

I kissed her, feeling the butterflies in my stomach swirl up in countless circles. Why was it that kissing the sweetness of her mouth made me forget everything that was important to me? Was that some kind of hormonal magic?

"You are so gorgeous," she whispered into my ear, letting her hands move down on my back until she reached the roundness of my backside and squeezed it gently.

"Bella, please, stop saying things like that to me. I'm nothing special."

"Oh yes, you are. You are beautiful and…sexy."

"No, you are sexy. I love your breasts." Damn it. Did I actually say that out loud? Fuck, I did.

She took my hand and guided it to her cleavage, making me touch her soft skin with trembling fingertips.

"I don't know how you do that. I don't even like sex but when I'm with you, you make me feel all tingly from head to toe."

"Sex is supposed to be fun. Didn't you enjoy sleeping with your husband at all?"

"It kind of started getting odd when we started trying for the baby. It's not really romantic when you have to do it every time you ovulate instead of when you are in the right mood. But even before that, it never was that important to me."

"Maybe he's not that good at it? Doesn't he know how to take care of a woman to make her feel good?"

"Of course, he knows…damn it, this is none of your business. If you want to know the embarrassing truth, it's just me. I'm too prudish. I need to long to…warm up when he's with me."

My entire face was red like the ripest tomato when I finished the last sentence. Why I had told her about that was beyond me. I had never spoken about that to anyone. Anyone apart from Jasper and he had made it pretty clear to me that it was not his fault. It couldn't be his fault because none of his ex-girlfriends hat ever complained about his…abilities.

Bella sighed deeply and placed a pan on the stove, turning on the heat before she put some butter into the pan where it started melting almost instantly.

"There is nothing wrong with taking your time when you're making love. I actually enjoy taking things slow."

I planted a kiss on her neck and hugged her tightly from behind, placing my hand underneath her belly button to feel the baby kicking against my palm.

"Hello little, Mini-Bella,"

"You are talking to the…baby?"

"Do, you mind?" I asked her, pressing my lips against her neck again.

"No, I don't. It's just that I'm not used to that. I have never spoken to it myself."

She put the slices of bread into the pan, shrugging back when the hot butter sloshed against her bare arms.

"Did you hurt yourself?"

"No, it's okay. No need to worry."

I pulled her over and made her sit down on one of the kitchen chairs.

"You have to turn it around or it's going to burn."

"Okay, I will."

Carefully I turned around the slices of bread, trying to stay away as far away from the pan as possible. Damn it, cooking was dangerous.

"Bella?"

"Yes, Alice?"

"Why aren't you talking to Mini-Bella?" I asked her, wondering why her beautiful brown eyes were starting to fill with tears now.

"What for, should I talk to her? She's probably going to hate me anyway."

I shook my head and kneeled down next to her on the ground. Then I placed both of her hands on her abdomen, covering them with my own to rub small circles over her skin.

"The baby is not going to hate you. Why should she do that?"

"I'm giving her away. How could she not hate me?"

"You're giving her away because you want her to be taken good care of. Not many people would be selfless enough to do that."

"I don't feel too selfless in the last time, Alice."

Me too, I thought, swallowing hard to keep the tears from falling again. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

"Bella…there is something that I wanted to tell you since…well, since we met again."

The baby kicked against our joined hands and I couldn't help but smile at her until her own lips curved into a bright smile too.

"Your Mommy is so beautiful when she smiles, Mini-Bella."

"You are her Mommy." she whispered so low that I could barely hear her speak at all.

"And you are going to be such a wonderful mother. I'm sure about that."

I leaned forward to kiss her mouth, tasting salt from her tears on her lips that mixed up with the sweetness of her mouth. What was it that draws me towards her that much?

"What did you want to tell me?"

"Promise me not to laugh, will you?"

"I'll try my best."

"Well, on that night…when we met in this…club…I felt this incredibly drawing power to you. Something like that has never happened to me before."

"I know, Alice. I felt it too."

The baby kicked again, so forcefully that it knocked the breath out of Bella for a moment.

"Careful, Mini-Bella, you have to be careful not to hurt her."

My fingertips moved under her shirt, stroking gently over the skin on her rounded middle, feeling how the baby calmed down a bit. She was strong and I liked it like that.

"The baby is already starting to listen to you. She knows that you're going to be her mother."

**XXOXXOXXOXXO**

[A/N]

Shameless pimping section….

You should totally go and read **Black Swan** by **Lovethatalice**. She writes a wonderful, confused Bella and the lemons in that story are simply delicious.

I highly recommend checking out the lovely Bellice drawings over at **deviantart**. The artist's name is **Hazeleyes1990**. Her works are completely awesome, so inspiring.

Also, if you are interested in reading more of my own stuff, I've posted a new one-shot called **Sweetest Smut. **


	11. Chapter 11

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Hi everyone. I want to apologize for taking so long to update this little soap-fic here. Made me feel incredibly guilty but it's difficult to deal with several stories at the same time.

Thanks and hugs to all of you who have decided to give this one here a try. Your encouragement and support really means a lot to me.

This chapter here is dedicated to **Last-Dragomir** and **ForestFlore**. Hope you'll enjoy

****Chapter 11****

I closed my eyes and sighed deeply while her dainty fingers gently rubbed the almond oil over my rounded middle.

"Am I doing it okay?" she whispered, her ruby tinted lips curving upwards into a shy smile while her thumb grazed over my basically non-existent belly-button. God, I felt like a whale ready to explode and yet I had still almost three months to go. I would get even heavier until the birth and I wasn't exactly looking forward to it. Both facts, I mean. Gaining weight was never a pleasant thing but it wasn't impossible to get it off after the pregnancy. Mom had lost her pregnancy extra pounds she gained with me during the first half year of my life. Once she was back to her pre-pregnancy size 6 she had left my poor father, breaking his heart irrevocably. I didn't want to leave Alice – ever, but I knew that it would eventually be inevitable after the baby was born. She and her husband would raise this child together, not me and her. The thought send a burning pain to my heart, making me gasp for air in order to suppress the tears. Why did everything have to be so fucking complicated?

Alice's fingers moved higher, caressing the underside of my breasts for a split second before she returned her entire attention back to my abdomen. The baby kicked against her palms and the smile on her beautiful face widened.

"Mini-Bella seems to like it when I do that to you." she mumbled, pulling my shirt down my stomach.

Not only her, I thought, forcing my lips into a small smile.

"But you don't, do you? You've been so unusually quiet the entire time I massaged you."

I stood up from the edge of the bathtub and sighed deeply. Then I cleared my throat nervously, pretending to comb my hair with my fingers while I tried to think of a good way to answer her.

"Hey, what's wrong with you?" she asked me, putting one finger underneath my chin to make me look up to her again.

"Everything is so fucked up." I whispered, inhaling deeply through my teeth in order to keep the tears from falling. When did I start being such a cry baby? Was that just another side effect of the pregnancy just like the swollen feet or the aching in my back?

"I know, Bella."

She leaned forward and planted a tender kiss on my trembling lips. Her touch was feather light as if she was searching for permission or trying to comfort me, maybe even a little bit of both.

Whatever it was though, it was enough to make me cry. When she tasted the first wet drops on her lips she pulled back.

"Please, oh please don't cry. It breaks my heart to see you do it."

"We can't go on like this. I can't go on like this."

"I know,"

"You know, but you're not intending to change anything, are you?"

She handed me a tissue to clean my nose while she wiped some more tears from my cheeks with her thumb.

"It's so difficult. Each night when I go to bed I tell myself that tomorrow is the day. The day, I'll stop thinking about you like _that_. The day I'll stop kissing you, touching you. But when the day is there, I find myself wanting to kiss and touch you so badly. I want to hold you close to me, to feel your heartbeat against my ear."

Slowly she sat down next to me on the edge of the tub, putting a wisp of my long hair behind my ear in a tender gesture.

"I've never felt this way about another person before. Not even for Jasper."

I stood up and pressed my flat hand against my aching lower back.

"Everything would be so much easier if you wouldn't be married. I can't tell you how much I hate that."

"What do you want me to do? I am married. That fact is unchangeable."

I growled and kicked the bathroom door open with so much force that a bit of paint splintered of from the doorframe.

"Bella, wait!"

I rushed down the stairs and grabbed my jacket. My entire body was trembling so much that it took me forever to put it on.

Then, when I was about to open the door and leave, I felt her hand on my shoulder.

"Please, stay."

"Why should I? Oh yes, I know, because I'm carrying this baby that you want to adopt to raise it together with your oh so wonderful husband who has no fucking clue how to make you truly happy."

A dry sob escaped my throat before I burst out into tears again and collapsed on the ground. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me against her chest. I sniffed and then she started crying too while we held on to each other as if we were somehow trying to keep each other from drowning somewhere out in the sea of our messed up lives.

XXXX

"Are you feeling a bit better now?" she asked me worriedly, while we walked through the shops of the Mall. Why she had suggested to go shopping this afternoon was beyond me but somehow she seemed to like it a great deal.

"As long as I'm not thinking too much about the situation I'm in, I feel okay. Have you found all you were looking for yet?"

"Not at all, I definitely need more clothes for the baby. Just look at this white dress, isn't that cute? I want Mini-Bella to be dressed up pretty all the time."

She was cute when she got excited about something. It was so obvious how much she wanted to have a baby. Why wasn't she able to have one of her own? Was she sick or something like that?

"Alice?"

"Oh don't tell me I've already spent too much money. The baby needs clothes, lots of clothes."

"Ma'am, can I help you?" the shop assistant asked Alice who instantly let go of my hand.

"Do you have this dress in yellow or turquoise too?"

She nodded her head and disappeared behind a shelf for a moment to pull the dresses out.

"If you take all three of them, I can give you 20 percent off."

"That would be lovely, but I think we only take the white and the yellow one. Bella, what do you think?"

I shrugged my shoulders and cradled my swollen middle between both of my hands. The baby kicked against my ribs and I wondered if it wouldn't be a better idea to get her some boxing equipment.

"I'm not that good with clothing. Whatever Alice chooses will be fine."

"We take the white and the yellow…together with this little hat and…those shoes."

"Excellent choice, Ma'am,"

I followed Alice and her to the cash register and almost fainted when the shop assistant told her that the stuff would cost over a hundred bucks.

When we were out of the shop I sat down on a bench and sighed deeply.

"Can we make a little break now? I'm tired somehow."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Just sit here for a moment and I'll get you something to drink. Is orange juice okay?"

She cupped my face in her hand and for a split second it looked as if she was about to kiss me now, directly on the mouth. She didn't do it but the look in her green eyes told me that she wanted to do it too. Only the knowledge that we were in a public place was keeping her from giving in to her instincts.

When she walked away in order to get my drink, I stared after her, admiring her rounded backside for a moment. She was all I had ever wanted, sexy and kind and all I could never have, never truly have. God, if only…

"Bella?"

I turned my head and blinked into Jake's face that paled a few shades when his eyes moved down on my body.

"Crap, you are pregnant!"

"That's none of your damn business. Leave me the fuck alone!"

"Is it from me?"

"No!"

"Then, who's the father?" he snarled at me, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest.

"Bella, is the moron molesting you? Do you want me to call security?"

Alice sat down next to me on the bench and wrapped her arm around me in a protective gesture.

"Is that your new girlfriend? Did the two of you use some sperm donor to get you knocked up?"

"Jake, keep your stupid mouth shut."

"This is Jake…the Jake?"

"Oh, I see that you told your new…_friend_ here about me. How's it like to be a fucking dyke?"

"Jake, just go."

"This is a free country and I can hang out where I want. You used me and I'm pissed at you for that."

"You should move your ass right now before I get really, really angry and trust me that is nothing you'd want to see." Alice snarled at him, her eyes narrowing into small slits.

"You know what, Bellsie? I'm done with you. Hope you and your little girlfriend get happy fucking each other with plastic cocks."

Alice slapped him right across his face and growled angrily.

"You're just disgusting me. Bella, is so much better off without you in her life."

"Aunt Alice, why are you hitting him?"

I wished for the earth to open up underneath me to swallow me whole. Why in heaven's name did her bitchy sister in law have to show up here with that overly curious kid? Wasn't it worse enough that I had run into Jake, of all people? Fuck, I bet he's going to tell my mom about the pregnancy. As if I needed her to know about that.

"Aunt Alice?"

"It's nothing, sweetie. I shouldn't have done that."

It was still pretty cool that you did it though, I thought, pulling my hand away under hers because her sister in law was starting to look a bit confused.

"Is there a problem with that young gentleman?" the blonde woman asked Alice, lifting up her little daughter to carry her on her right hip.

"He was about to leave."

"Fuck you, Bella. One day, you are going to regret being such a stupid lesbian but then it will be too late to come crawling back to me."

With that he took off and I tried to suppress the urge to throw something hard after him. I probably would miss his head anyway but it would at least help me to minimize a bit of the anger inside me. The baby kicked. See, that was your daddy. He's an asshole.

"Alice, who was that guy?"

"It doesn't matter. He's no one of concern."

"He said fuck you to Bella. Mommy says that's a mean word."

"Your Mommy is right about that, Lana." Alice told her, pulling out a tissue to clean her chocolate smeared mouth. Wasn't that kid able to eat without getting herself dirty?

"I don't think I like him."

Alice nodded her head and took the girl from her mother, sitting down next to me with her on her lap.

"Did you buy something for me, Aunt Alice?"

"No, I didn't. I bought some dresses for your baby cousin."

"Oh, I like babies. When will you get it?"

"In a few months,"

"Will Uncle Jasper be here too when the baby is born?"

"Maybe,"

I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to imagine her and her husband together with a tiny little girl in that yellow dress. In my mind the infant giggled when Alice lifted her up in the air. Her husband smiled, one side of his mouth curved up a bit higher, making his face look more like a grimace. Then he vanished into nothing and in his place my own self appeared in front of my inner eye. I wrapped my arms around Alice from behind and kissed her neck. The little girl on her shoulder giggled again and for a few heartbeats I allowed myself to hold onto that picture of the three of us. It was something that could never be, would never be and yet I couldn't manage to stop starting to wish for it with all of my heart.

**XOXXOXXOXXOXXO**

[A/N] want to see a picture of the dress Alice bought for Mini-Bella? Just remove the ()

http(:/)www(.)miraclebabyblog(.)com/images/yellow-dress2(.)jpg

Leave me some review love if you feel like. Until next time, take care


	12. Chapter 12

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I'm thrilled that so many of you seem to enjoy reading my little soap fiction here. Your encouragement and feedback is what keeps me writing, whenever I doubt my skills. It's so intimidating to compare myself to all those authors that are so much better than I ever could be.

This chapter here is dedicated to **Madys Nicole** and **Nai89**. Thanks for reviewing, I hope you'll enjoy!

****Chapter 12****

_Alice_

Trapped, that was how I felt like right now. My head was constantly telling me something different than my heart and none of them seemed to have the slightest interest in giving in to the other one. I wasn't that good at making decisions, especially important ones and yet I knew, deep down inside me that I needed to make a decision as soon as possible.

Maybe everything would be far easier if Jasper wouldn't be at the other side of the world right now. If he were here with me where he was supposed to be, everything would be better. Or maybe it wouldn't. I thought about kissing him and almost instantly Bella's face - her face and not his - appeared in front of my inner eye. Was I going crazy now?

My fingers circled over the wedding band on my finger and when I remembered the day Jasper had put it there my lips curved into a smile. He had worked so hard to make enough money to buy me exactly the ring I wanted. It made me such a mean, disgusting person that I was betraying him behind his back.

"Alice?"

I looked up to gaze into Bella's worried face. Somehow she always seemed like the older one to me although she was several years younger than me.

"We can't go on like this." I whispered, sitting down on one of the kitchen chairs to put my head between my hands. I felt a lot like crying but for some weird reason the tears wouldn't fall. Maybe I had already spilled all the tears I had about this whole mess the two of us were currently in. God, I wished I had never gone out into that damn bar that night. I wished Jasper had agreed to the sperm donor thing, so we wouldn't have decided to adopt a baby. I wished I had more control over my feelings. Oh, all the things I wished for so badly…

"I know, Alice but tell me the truth. Do you want me to walk out of this house, out of your life, irrevocably and never come back again?"

"No, I don't. I want you to stay. I want you here, and not just because of the baby. I want you here for yourself."

She sat down on the chair next to me and lifted my hands from my face, taking them in hers to rub invisible lines up my bare forearms. Her touch was so tender, so light and yet it made every single cell in my body tingle pleasantly. How could she do that? Wasn't I supposed to feel that way when my husband touched me? It wasn't that I didn't like it when Jasper was cuddling me, it felt nice but somehow there wasn't much difference in it than what I felt when I stroked over the fluffy black fur on Oreo's back. Nothing more, nothing less, god I was so completely fucked up.

"Are you going to tell your husband about it?"

"He's not here now." I stated nervously.

"Pretty practical for you, isn't it?"

"You are being unfair now. You knew that I was married when you started this…this…," I stopped midsentence because somehow I couldn't manage to bring the word affair over my lips, "This thing between us. You said it could be our secret."

"I fucking know what I said, Alice."

"Fine, then what in heaven's name do you expect from me now? I am married. That fact is unchangeable."

"As far as I know this State still allows divorce, doesn't it?"

I cringed and dropped the entire mug filled with iced tea from the table. My hands started trembling so much that I almost didn't manage to wipe the brownish liquid away with a cloth. Divorce! No, there was no way I could do that to Jasper. I had promised him that we would never split off like his own parents had done it when he was a little boy.

"I can't do that to Jasper. He's important to me."

"Do you love him?"

"What kind of a question is that supposed to be? He's my best friend, my husband, my confidante. How can I not love him?"

"Have you ever spoken to him about your interest in other women?" she asked me, standing up to press her palm against her lower back. Was she hurting again? Should I ask her if she wanted me to massage her a bit? No, that probably wouldn't be such a clever idea right now. Damn it, how much I wanted to touch her, touch her all the time. I wanted to feel her warm, soft skin underneath my fingertips so badly that it was almost physically painful not to give into this urge.

"Have you ever mentioned to Jasper that you think about kissing other women?" she repeated her question, leaning forward to twist a curl of my hair around her fingers.

"No, I haven't."

"Don't you guys talk about what you want?"

I sighed deeply and rubbed my temples for a moment before I spoke up again, trying to make my voice sound as calm as possible. It didn't really work because it almost cracked when the first words left my lips.

"I tried to…once but it was just too embarrassing. It is so wrong to think about another woman like that."

She took my hand in hers and planted a soft kiss on my wrist, letting the tip of her tongue swirl over the thin layer of skin on my pulse point. I gasped for air and before I could even blink twice her mouth was already on mine, kissing me greedily, almost angrily as if she was trying to prove a point with this kiss.

Yet her lips felt so incredibly soft and when I slipped my tongue into the warmth of her mouth to explore it gently, something comparable to liquid fire seemed to start burning in my veins.

"I want you to think about me, Alice, a lot. Don't deny it that you feel something for me."

XXXXX

I dipped my spoon into the golden brown sugar crust of the Crème Brulee my oh-so perfect sister in law had made for me. It tasted even better than it looked like and I wished that I would be able to bring up enough patience to learn to cook properly. Did Bella know how to make that kind of stuff too?

"Alice, can I ask you something about that girl who's staying with you?"

"Bella?"

"Are there any other homeless teenagers that you have taken in since the last time I checked?"

"No, it's just Bella. What do you want to ask me about her?"

Please, don't let it be something embarrassing. I don't have the nerves to handle that kind of thing right now.

"Well, I was wondering about what that awful guy in the Mall said to her. He called her a dyke. Is that true?"

"Does it matter?"

"Aren't you curious to find out that sort of stuff about the birth mother of your future child? Maybe the baby is a rape child. Or maybe the little one will inherit this being gay from her."

"Do you think it's a bad thing to be gay?" I asked her, taking a sip from the glass of wine in front of me. The alcohol in it managed to calm me a tiny bit and I sighed in relief.

"No, of course not,"

She twisted her hair into a sloppy ponytail while her lips curved into a half smile.

"I don't have anything against homosexual people. I mean they can't help for how they feel can they?"

"But it's unnatural."

"God, Alice, you are the most old-fashioned person I've ever met. I bet you already know a ton of people who are gay and you don't know about it because you are so damn naïve."

"I don't know any gay people."

"That's what you think."

She stood up from her chair to put the empty plate into the dishwasher. For a moment I wondered if it was possible that she suspected anything. Could it be that she thought me to be gay? No, that couldn't be. Could it?

"I tell you something but you have to promise me not to laugh."

"Hmm?"

"When I first met you I thought you were _that way_."

"ME?" my voice raised two octaves while I desperately wished for the earth to open up underneath me to swallow me whole.

"God, Alice, you should see your face right now. You are all red like a ripe tomato."

"Yes, because you are embarrassing me, Rose. I am not that way. I'm normal."

"Calm down. I was just joking."

"It's not funny, not at all,"

"MOM! TELL HER TO STOP TAKING MY STUFF WITHOUT ASKING! MOM!"

I love my nieces dearly but they are a handful and somehow it makes me happy to see that my perfect sister in law has so completely imperfect children.

"Sophia, is it necessary to yell like that?" she asked her daughter when the blonde haired girl rushed down the stairs.

"Oh Mom, Greta took my I-pod again and now it's not working anymore. She broke it. I knew she would do that."

"That's still no n reason to raise your voice like that. You are older than your sister, so I expect you to be the more reasonable one."

"I wished I were an only child or that I could at least have my own room, like Audrey."

"Oh don't be like that."

"Are you going to give me money for a new I-pod?"

"I want one too if Sophia gets one!" her younger sister called from upstairs.

"Greta, go back to bed. You are supposed to sleep."

"But Sophia is still up too!" she stated, sliding down the stair railing.

"How often will I have to tell you not to do that? The little one will try to do that too and hurt herself."

"But it's fun."

"Life is not just about fun, young lady. Have you studied enough for your math test tomorrow?"

"I think so. If I do well in it will I get that I-pod?"

"What happened to that of your sister's?"

"She broke it because she's stupid!"

"Sophia, stop yelling, you are going to wake up Lana."

"Daddy! Daddy, are you there?"

"See, now, she's calling for him again. I hope the two of you are proud now."

Lana stumbled down the stairs, her arms wrapped tightly around the white teddy bear I had given her for her last birthday.

"Daddy is still gone."

"I know, sweetie." I whispered, lifting her on my lap to plant a kiss on her forehead.

"Is Uncle Jasper with Daddy now?"

"I think so, Lana."

"Is he coming back soon?"

"I hope, he will."

I swallowed hard in order to keep the tears from falling. There were so many different emotions running through me now. Worry, shame and several others that I didn't even have a name for.

"Lana, baby, go back to bed now," Rosalie told her, running her fingers though the messy honey-blonde curls of her youngest daughter. I remembered how much Emmett and Rose had hoped for a boy during the pregnancy with her and now little Lana had turned out the most girly one of all their kids.

"Aunt Alice?"

"I bring you upstairs again but you have to promise me to sleep."

"I will."

I lifted her up, wondering how it was possible for a three-year old to be this heavy and gasped for air when I finally reached the bedroom.

"When the baby is born it could sleep here with me in my room sometimes."

"And if it cried?"

"Then it could stay with Greta and Sophia."

I sat down on the ground in front of her bed and suppressed a giggle while I carefully pulled the blankets over her.

"Try to sleep now, sweetie and don't forget to tell me about your dream when you remember it in the morning."

"I will. Aunt Alice, can you remember all of your dreams?"

I nodded my head and turned off the light in her room, remaining in the darkness for several minutes, somehow unable to move one single inch. My dreams? What did I dream of?

For as long as I remembered I had always dreamed about having a family of my own. How could I endanger this dream because of my stupid feelings? They were pointless, wouldn't, and couldn't lead to anything. I loved Jasper for crying out loud.

And Bella? I loved the way her lips felt against mine when we kissed, the way she always listened to what I had to say no matter how stupid it might be. I loved to watch her while she cradled her rounded middle. I loved how her brown eyes sparkled when she tried to teach me how to cook. How her hair smelled like strawberries when she had washed it. I loved how she nibbled on the end of her pen she did her homework on the table in the living room. There were so many tiny details about Bella that I loved, cherished, that I didn't want to miss in my life anymore. And then for the first time I realized it, realized it although I didn't want it to be true. But whether I wanted it or not, whether it was wrong or not; there was no way in denying the fact any longer that I was deeply in love with her.


	13. Chapter 13

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N]

I apologize beforehand for the bitchy A/N but I needed to get this of my chest somehow.

I know, I tend to get way too emotional about my stories but that's just me, and it's not something that I think I'll be able to change. My writing, although I heart it a lot, is no way close to being perfect, and I never claimed it to be flawless. Maybe one day, I'll eventually manage to find the perfect beta which is willing to fix all my grammar, spelling and plot mistakes for me. But up until that day—this is just how things are right now.

If you can't handle it, or if Alice touching Bella's hair in almost every chapter (yes, I do, have some hair touching issues – it's a personal spleen of mine, so sue me) bothers you too much feel free to stop reading right now. Try to write a better story yourself. There definitely aren't enough well written, interesting Bellice stories out there.

*This chapter here is dedicated to **kittyevey74** and **BecksLynn,**. Hope you'll enjoy*

****Chapter 13****

Something had changed and I couldn't even tell exactly what had caused it but when Alice returned from her sister in law's house she barely managed to look me in the eye anymore.

She had murmured something about having a horrible headache, rushing upstairs to stay inside her room where I could hear her talking to her husband on the phone. I tried to suppress the instant wave of jealousy that spread through me when I thought about him. It wasn't like I wished Jasper any harm, he was a nice guy after all but I hated the fact that Alice so obviously wanted to be with him and not me.

I sighed and cradled my swollen middle, caressing the skin underneath my belly-button with my fingertips until the baby kicked against them. They will be good to you, I told the little girl inside of me, earning myself another painful kick against my ribs. Your mother has some difficulties to admit her interest in other women but apart from that she's such a wonderful, warm-hearted person.

"Bella, are you alright?" Alice asked me when she entered the kitchen, leaning back against the kitchen counter.

"Yes, I'm good, thank you. How's your head?"

"Still hurting but much better than last night when I went to bed," she stated, opening the cupboards to grab a box with Pop tarts to stick two of them into the toaster.

"Hey, look who's almost cooking now." I teased her, standing up from the chair I had been sitting on. When my fingers brushed against the small of her back she almost dropped the plate she was holding on the ground.

"Stop touching me all the time." she hissed through her teeth, her voice almost cracking although she tried to make it sound harsh and unfriendly. I wondered why she was acting like that. Was this another attempt from her to deny her feelings? Stop thinking like that. You think her having feelings for you because you want her to have them. The ugly truth is that probably she was just curious about how it would be like to kiss and touch another woman. Anyone could have been in my place, well anyone as stupid to start an affair with a married woman, happily married on top of that. Well, whatever happily married means…

"I'm sorry," I whispered finally, putting my fingers into my mouth to nibble on my cuticles until I tasted blood. Somehow I was suddenly terribly nervous that she would ask me to leave now. Great, then I would have to search for someone else who would be willing to adopt the baby. Like, I would have the nerves to deal with that on top of handling my broken heart. Damn it, Bella, try to see this as what it is – an affair, nothing less nothing more. You have to end this pointless, I'm in love with Alice Hale and she loves you back no matter what she says. It won't lead to anything.

"Please, you don't have to apologize. I'm the one who should be sorry for being so rude to you. It's just that I don't know how to act anymore when I'm around you. I'm so angry at myself."

"For what, green eye?" I asked her, taking a sip from the cup of cold milk in front of me.

She sighed deeply and sat down on the chair next to me, the expression on her face turning into a tortured frown. Her beautiful eyes started glistening with tears she was trying to hold back by taking several deep breaths.

"I can't leave Jasper, I just can't. We've been together for so long now. How could I do that to him?"

"I didn't ask you to leave your husband."

"But that's what you want me to do, isn't it?"

I hesitated and stuffed a bit of the pop tart she placed in front of me between my lips, burning my tongue on the hot strawberry filling. The physical pain was so much easier to endure than the one inside of my heart for I knew it would soon be over. About this other one, I wasn't really sure about how I would be able to cope with losing her now. God, she never was mine to begin with…

"Bella?"

"It doesn't matter what I want. You are the one who needs to make a choice and it looks as if you already made it."

"I hate…I hate…I hate…the way you make me feel!" she stumbled out, bursting out into tears. For a moment I was completely frozen but then I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around her, caressing the curls of her dark hair with my fingertips in an attempt to comfort her.

"How do I make you feel?"

"Nervous, confused…well, that and a million of other emotions that I don't even have a name for."

XXXX

When Dr. Cullen squirted a bit of the ice cold contrast gel over the overheated skin on my abdomen I cringed slightly. Then I turned my head to the side and pretended not to be there, at least not emotionally.

"Did she grow again?" Alice asked him curiously, unable to keep her own eyes from the tiny screen of the ultrasonic.

"Well, she's still supposed to grow a bit until the birth. It's probably going to be a big baby anyway. How tall is the father?"

"Hmm, six five or something like that," I mumbled nervously. Why was he asking about Jake now? He wasn't supposed to play any kind of role in the baby's life. He didn't deserve it after all the crap he had pulled.

"Have you already decided about how you would like to give birth, Miss Swan? The hospital offers free birth preparatory courses, if you are interested."

"I want a C-section."

"But a natural birth is better for the baby. You don't have to be worried. In case there would be any kind of complications we could still consider performing a cesarean."

"But I'm scared."

"Understandable but completely unnecessary, Miss Swan,"

"I'm still not sure about the whole…,"

"Look, she's sucking her thumb! Isn't that like the cutest thing you've seen?"

Automatically I raised my head and for the first time I looked at the blurry black and white image of my unborn child. Somehow I had expected it to look a bit like an alien, ugly and frightening but the picture on the screen looked like an actual baby.

My baby…no, that mine, I instantly reminded myself, not mine…_hers_. I looked away again. I didn't want to see this, I couldn't endure to see this.

Dr. Cullen's pager started vibrating and he excused himself, leaving me alone with Alice who wiped the rest of the gel away from my belly with a few paper towels.

"I'm really looking forward to becoming a mom. This means so much to me."

"I know, Alice." I wished you would care about me just half as much as you care about this baby inside of me. Fuck, now I'm going to cry again.

I sat up on the examination couch and cleared my throat nervously.

"Can I ask you something? Why do you want to adopt instead of trying to have a child of your own? You are still so young and there is in-vitro and all that other stuff most people try before they consider adopting children."

"In vitro wouldn't help in our case and Jasper wasn't that fond of using a donor when I brought that up."

"A donor? Does that mean it's his fault that the two of you can't have a child of your own?"

"I shouldn't be talking to you about this. Jazz was so devastated when we found out, he couldn't father a child."

"But you could have one, couldn't you?"

"Yes, I could. Why are you asking?"

"Because somehow it seems so unfair to me, that you can't have one because of him. Becoming a mother is so important to you."

"Yes, it is. And I'm terribly afraid that I will mess this up because things between me and you are so tensed right now."

I took her hand and circled my thumb over her wrist, before I turned it around and pressed my lips against the soft skin on her palm.

"You know that you are important to me, don't you?"

"You are important to me too." she stated, leaning closer to me, stopping about an inch away from my mouth. I could feel her breathe against my lips, smell the sweetness of the cinnamon bubblegum she had chewed earlier and heard my own heart pulsating hectically inside my chest.

"Yesterday, I found out something about me. Something I didn't dare to admit to myself up until last night."

"Does it have something to do with me?"

"A lot," she whispered. "But I can't give into it. I just can't. God, I'm so sorry about this, Bella."

XXXX

"You'll find someone else." she told me, grabbing her hands around the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles turned white. There was a slight hint of jealousy in her voice, no matter how much she tried to suppress it.

"I don't want to find someone else. I want you."

"Bella, please, I can't be with you…officially. Have you forgotten that I'm married?"

"No, I haven't forgotten about it. Thanks for reminding me once again that I'm the _other_ one."

She stepped on the breaks because the traffic light in front of us turned red. Maybe there should be warning signs like that for emotions too. Just to protect you from getting hurt.

"I think that I'm in love with you but I'm not sure, for the way I feel about you…that's so new to me."

My heart was in my mouth and I placed my hand on her thigh rubbing it up and down over the fabric of her skirt until I finally placed it on her bare knee.

"Is that why you were so agitated this morning, because you are angry at yourself for being in love with me?"

"Probably,"

"So, you are in love with me…and I am in love with you but you still don't want us to be together?"

"YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH ME?"

"Ouch, now I'm deaf. Yes, of course, I'm in love with you."

"I don't want you to be. I can't give you what you want. Well, maybe this whole being in love thing will go away when we try harder to ignore it."

"Seriously, Alice, ignore it? I don't want to ignore it but you of course you do because you are too ashamed to admit that you are gay!"

"I'm not gay."

"No, you're straight, I got it. Did you know the actual term for someone like you is spaghetti lesbian?"

"What in heaven's name is a spaghetti lesbian?"

"Straight 'til she gets wet," I mumbled so low that my voice was barely audible over the music that was playing in the stereo.

"You think this is about the sex?"

"Not only but to a certain extent, yes. It is about sex. You told me that you didn't enjoy it that much when you slept with your husband."

"That's not his fault."

"Why the fuck, are you so irrevocably convinced that it's yours?"

"Because, well…well because, he's been with other women before and none of them ever complained."

"Complained? So, you complained to him and what did he do?"

"I don't want to discuss this with you, it's embarrassing."

"Fine, but answer me just one last question. Did you or did you not enjoy it when we made love?"

"Yes, I did…so very much. I had never thought I could feel that much…physically. Sometimes I can't keep my eyes off of your mouth and then I have to think about where you have been with that mouth. How it had felt like to feel it there. God, I want this to stop and yet I don't want it to stop at exactly the same time."

"Do you want to sleep with your husband too?"

"No,"

"And that doesn't ring any bells for you? You like sleeping with me but not with your husband. You told me you think that you are in love with me. God, Alice, how much more proof do you need to admit that you are gay?"

"I don't want to be a dyke."

"Do you think I screamed, here please, when they threw out the homosexual genes? My own mother kicked me out because of it. I lost my best friend because I couldn't love him back the way we wanted me to."

She sighed and parked the car in front of her house, turning off the engine with trembling hands.

"I would hurt him so much…so very much. I can't do that to him."

**XOXOXXOXXO**

[A/N] Check out the little video-trailer I've made for this story. Just remove the ()

http(:/)www(.)youtube(.)com/watch?v(=)Spu9hG2NEMM

Leave me some review love, if you feel like it. Until next time, take care


	14. Chapter 14

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back my lovely readers. I apologize for taking too long to update. It made me feel really bad but creativity is such a complicated thing. Plus my weird mind tends to get distracted so easily, it's a shame. I don't feel very confident about my writing at the moment. It's not nearly as good as I want it to be and that's so…frustrating.

This chapter here is dedicated to my lovely Twitter muse. Turn gay, baby, and marry me. I'd make you happy. You know, I would.

****Chapter 14****

_Alice_

If you desire something very much over a long period of time, sometimes you reach a point where you don't even realize when it's actually coming true.

But when I woke up alone in my bed my fingertips automatically reached for the empty place next to me and then I realized that it wasn't my husband that I missed so dearly but the gorgeous brunette girl sleeping in the small room at the other end of the corridor.

I found myself in front of the door a few moments later, I didn't hesitate before I opened it. Trying to enter the room as quietly as I could I tiptoed over to the bed and sat down next to her.

She looked so incredibly peaceful while she was sleeping, rolled up on her left side, both her hands wrapped protectively around her swollen middle. Bella did love the child under her heart, no matter how hard she tried to deny that fact. And I? Was I trying to deny my feelings for her so hardly because I was trying to protect Jasper? Would he still want me if he knew how much I craved the closeness of the person next to me on this bed? I reached out my hand, pulling the blankets higher. Then I stroked her silky hair with trembling fingertips. I needed to stop this. It was probably going to wake her up.

"Alice? Why are you here?"

Good question, I thought, while I pulled away from her hair, instantly missing its soft touch. Why was I here? I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be here, wanting to touch so badly. There were so many things I shouldn't…

"Come here, lay with me for a bit." she murmured, lifting the blankets so that I could cuddle her from behind. I sighed deeply and buried my face against her neck, planting several open mouthed kisses on her warm skin while my hand caressed her arm in small circles.

"Why does it feel that way when I'm with you?"

"Why does what feel how?"

I pulled her closer, letting my hands finally rest underneath her belly button where she interlaced them with hers. The baby kicked against our joined fingers and for a split second it felt so completely perfect to me that I was close to crying.

"Alice?"

"So right, it feels so right when I'm with you. It's supposed to feel wrong. This is not…natural."

She turned her head and kissed the tip of my nose, stroking up my cheekbone with her forefinger until its tip reached the edge of my mouth.

"You worry too much about what people think. Why, are you so worried what they'd think about you? It's your life, just yours."

I leaned my head against her shoulder, taking several deep breaths through my nose in order to absorb as much of her scent as possible. Vanilla, she smelled like sweet Vanilla and a bit like that Almond oil I had bought for her to prevent stretchmark's.

"I'm just scared, so terribly scared. I mean what am I going to tell Jasper? This is going to break his heart. He's such a good guy."

A low noise very much like the angry growl of an animal left her throat before she pulled back from my embrace, sitting up straight in the bed with her hands crossed over her chest.

"I bet he wouldn't think twice as much about your feelings if things were the other way round."

"Jasper could never be gay."

"That's not what I meant, sweetie. You are always bringing him up. He's like a ghost hovering above our heads. I tell you what. I'm here, he's not. That's the difference between me and your husband. He left you here alone with all your confused emotions and I'm here, willing to help you deal with them. And I'm so, so afraid to get hurt. I know I should leave right now but I can't. I'm way too deep into this already."

I kneeled down behind her and wrapped my arms around her again, pressing my lips against her shoulder blades while I desperately tried to think of what to tell her. I would mess this up. I was going to hurt her and she was the last person on earth I wanted to hurt, ever.

"I don't want to hurt you, Bella. I wished things were different for us. I wished they were less complicated."

"Me too, I wished you weren't married and I wouldn't be knocked up."

I pulled her shirt up a bit to stroke over the roundness of her abdomen. This was something good, a miracle. Why didn't she want to see that?

"Please, stop regretting that you are pregnant. I can't tell you how much I envy you for that."

"Why didn't you use a sperm donor if the problem is Jasper and not you?"

"I tried to…well, but it would have hurt his feelings, I guess."

"You worry way too much about his feelings and while doing that you forget your own."

Slowly, almost hesitantly she turned around and cupped my face between her hands, pulling me closer until her mouth finally, so very lightly and tenderly touched my lips. I parted my mouth a bit and enjoyed the warmth, tingly feeling in my inside when the tip of her tongue playfully massaged mine.

"This is right, green eye. Please, stop trying to deny it all the time. This is right, we are right. The circumstances are wrong, the timing is beyond shitty but we…we are right."

XXXX

When I woke up again the bed was empty and I felt terribly alone without her next to me. I shivered and wrapped the blankets over my shoulders. Then I coughed and realized that my entire throat was sore like crap. Damn it, I hated being sick.

I stood up and went down the stairs, finding Bella already in the kitchen stirring some dough in a bowl. When she saw me her eyes widened.

"God, you look awful, green eye. Are you sick? Come here to me and let me take a look."

"No, it's nothing, just a cold. Stay away from me. I don't want you to get sick too."

She chuckled and stepped closer, making me sit down on one of the kitchen chair before she carefully kneeled down in front of me. It was difficult for her to keep her balance and so she supported herself on the table when she pressed her palm against my forehead. I cringed because her fingers were cold like ice.

"I think you're having a fever. Do you want to drink something? Orange juice perhaps?"

"I don't want anything. Please, stay away from me. I don't want you to get sick too."

"With all the vitamins Dr. Cullen is forcing me to take right now? I highly doubt that."

She stood up and opened the fridge, forcing me to drink down the entire content of the glass she poured me although my sore throat ached terribly whenever I swallowed.

"Good girl. Now, I want you to go back to bed and rest. I'll make you something to eat and bring it up later."

"I don't want to eat anything and I don't want you to take care of me. It's embarrassing and completely unnecessary. I just want to crawl under a rock and die. I hate being sick, I fucking hate it."

I sniffed and wiped my nose on the back of my hand when I stood up again. I always got so whiny when I was sick and it was one of the rare occasions when I missed my mom back in Mississippi so badly that I felt like crying. Both of my parents wouldn't give me the light of day anymore if they knew how I felt about Bella. They had thought me how wrong it was to give into that sort of devilish temptations. Maybe I should go to church again. Maybe it would help me to have God on my side. He could help me get my emotions under control again. Wasn't that his job? But what if it was God's plan that I met Bella? What if he made her for me and me for her? Oh crap, Alice, now you're really losing it. God's plan for people like me is purgatory. I'm a cheater, a liar and a hypocrite. Fuck my life.

"Hey, don't cry now. Everything will be fine. I like taking care of you."

"I'm going to hell." I croaked hoarsely.

"No, you won't. Hell is just some crap people made up to scare others. Come to bed now, green-eye. I'll make some soup for you and bring it up later."

I sighed deeply and stood up from my chair, almost instantly falling asleep again as soon as my head touched the cool pillows on my bed.

_In my dream I saw Bella sitting down next to a lake. She turned her face towards the sun and her face looked so joyful to me, so happy. Then a small chubby hand wrapped around her wrist and a light giggling noise filled the air._

_Mommy! Mommy!_

"Alice, sweetheart, please wake up."

I groaned and blinked tiredly into Bella's worried face above me.

"Did you have a nightmare? You tossed and turned around so much in your sleep."

I rubbed my eyes and sat up in the bed. When I coughed my head felt as if it was about to explode that very moment. Painkillers, I definitely needed some painkillers.

"Not a nightmare." I told her, trying to speak as low as possible. "It was actually a good dream. You were in it…oh and Mini Bella too."

She placed a tray on my lap and dipped the spoon into the steaming hot liquid in the bowl.

"Open your mouth."

"I'm not hungry."

"But you need to eat. I made some chicken soup for you. Be careful. It's very hot."

"Did you check if the cans were still good? I don't need stomach problems on top of this."

"It's not from a can. I made you some real soup. So try to eat at least a tiny bit of it."

I swallowed several spoons, burning my tongue on the last sip.

"Enough?"

I nodded my head and wiped my mouth on the napkin on the tray.

"You know, I care about you. Don't you?" I murmured while my heartbeat increased suddenly.

"I care about you too, a lot actually."

She took my hand in hers and caressed my palm with her fingertips, circling them over my wrist and my forearm until she finally planted a soft kiss right above my pulse point.

"I love you."

"Please, Bella, don't say that. I'm trying so hard…so very hard not to and still…,"

"And still?"

"Still I love you more with every day. I want to be with you so badly. I want to fall asleep in your arms every night and wake up to have your face be the first thing I see in the morning. I love you so very much."

She kissed my mouth although I tried my best to protest. It wasn't a good idea to kiss me now that I was so sick and full with germs and who knows what kind of infection.

"You'll get sick too."

"Don't worry about that. I'll be fine. I will always be fine as long as I'm with you."

"I don't know how we can be together. I never considered being in an official relationship with a woman."

"No one needs to know, if you're not ready for that. I'd even understand when you'd never be ready for that. Keep on lying to the rest of the world as much you want to but please…,"

She placed her hand right above my heart.

"Please stop lying to yourself, Alice. You and I…we are meant to be."

I kissed her again, ignoring how the rest of the soup landed on the sheets when she kicked the tray aside. I didn't care. I cared about her. That she wanted me so much, despite all everything. That she loved me…loved me the same way back, maybe even more, maybe way more than I'd ever deserve it.

"Okay,"

"Okay what?"

"We can try being together, like really together as long as no one gets suspicious."

"No one will assume things. Don't worry about that, green eye. I'll be your secret."

And you'll be mine, I thought, leaning forward to nuzzle my face into the length of her soft hair, absorbing her scent into me like a sweet, alluring drug. My secret, she was my secret now and I was hers as well.

**XOXXOXXOXOXOX**

[A/N] I've written a new one-shot that you could check out in case you are interested. It's called **She****'****s ****perfect** and is a little Rosalie & Bella Lemon.

Leave me some review love, if you feel like it. Until next time, take care.


	15. Chapter 15

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back to another update for **#UHW**. Thanks and hugs to all of you who take the time to read and review. It means a lot.

This chapter here is dedicated to **aryalyn** and **kitten****in****the****rainbow**. Hope you'll enjoy

****Chapter 15****

My fingertips circled gently over the exposed skin on her neck before I leaned forward to plant a soft kiss right underneath her earlobe.

"Tell me again." I whispered into her ear, while my hands stroked down her arms, caressing the sensitive skin on her pulse point in small circles.

"I love you."

"Tell me again."

"I love you."

She turned around and twisted one of my messy curls around her dainty fingers to pull my face closer to hers. I closed my eyes, enjoying the instant shiver of pleasure that went down my spine when her mouth touched mine in a feather light kiss. I kissed her back, teasing her full bottom lip with the tip of my tongue until she gasped for air and I started to explore the sweetness of her warm mouth.

"Tell me again."

"I love you. I love you. I love you."

My heart skipped a beat and somehow that seemed to irritate the baby a bit because she suddenly started kicking against my ribs with so much force that it made me cry out in pain.

"What's wrong with you?" Alice asked me worriedly, pulling me over to the couch in the corner of the room to sit down next to her.

"Your Mini Bella is trying some kick boxing moves inside of me. I wonder if she will actually manage to break some bones in me before I deliver."

Alice nodded her head, lifting my shirt up a bit before she pressed her lips right underneath my belly button.

"You have to be a bit more careful, Mini Bella. You're hurting her when you kick with so much force."

The baby kicked again, less intensive this time while Alice's hand caressed the skin on my swollen abdomen.

She grabbed the bottle of almond oil from the table and started rubbing a bit of it between her hands before she massaged it gently all over my rounded middle.

"I'm fat like a whale."

"No, you're not. You're just pregnant. Stop worrying about the weight you're gaining. It will come off soon enough after the birth."

"I'd rather not talk about that topic so much."

"The weight losing?"

"No, the birth, I'm really scared and nervous about it."

She planted a last kiss underneath my belly button before she pulled my shirt down again. Then she wrapped her arms around me from behind, cuddling herself against my back while the tip of her tongue circled over my earlobe.

"You don't have to be afraid. I won't let anything bad happen to you."

I nodded my head and leaned back against her shoulder, closing my eyes to enjoy her gentle caresses. We would have so little time together, so little time for me to convince her that she belonged to me. I wished I wasn't having a child right now. The baby would only make everything more complicated. I was in no way ready for a child and I wondered if Alice would still agree on adopting the little girl inside of me when she would actually manage to leave her husband. The problem was that she had so very much trouble on admitting her homosexuality. She was so utterly convinced that she wasn't gay no matter how she felt about me that she couldn't even manage to get the word over her lips.

Her finger brushed over my breasts and I whimpered slightly when they reached their sensitive peaks. I loved that she was getting more comfortable with touching me like this when we were alone.

"I want to make love to you." her voice trembled when she spoke, slowly moving her right hand under my shirt. When she cupped my full breasts in her hands I felt myself getting wet. It was so easily to arouse me right now. Maybe that was part of the pregnancy. I pressed my thighs against each other, instinctively needing more friction.

The doorbell rang and I sighed deeply when she stood up from the couch to open to the door. A few moments later she returned, followed by her blond-haired sister in law and the little one. The child was cute but I needed to be alone with Alice. Correction, I wanted to be alone with Alice, so badly.

"Hi Bella, looks like the two of you were just starting. Weren't you?"

"Starting with what?" I croaked, feeling my cheeks turning warm from embarrassment. I tried to hide it be leaning forward, pretending to rub some invisible dirt from my jeans.

"Painting the baby's room," Lana stated cheerfully before she continued licking on the lolly between her hands.

"Rosalie, it's nice that you want to help me…us, but it's not necessary. I want to paint the room myself."

"But I want to help! Mommy, you said I could help."

"Stop whining like this, Lana. If your aunt doesn't want our help in this we have to accept that."

"You can make a picture for me, if you want to, sweetie. I'm going to hang it over the baby's bed."

"Really?"

"I promise."

"What do you want me to draw for you?"

"Whatever you like, sweetie."

I stood up from the couch and walked over to the window, opening it in order to get some fresh air. The cold wind felt amazingly pleasant against my warm face.

"I'm thirsty. Do you have lemonade?"

"Let's see if we find some for you down in the kitchen. Come with me, sweetie."

She lifted the little girl up to carry her on her hip. Lana giggled and once again I was reminded how good Alice actually was with kids. She definitely should have tried to have a baby of her own. Well, maybe one day she would…

"Alice is good with the little one." Rosalie stated, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"I know."

"She and my brother will be good parents to the baby."

"I know."

"You are not really communicative. Are you?"

"Well, I…,"

"It's okay. I just wanted to let you know that I heart my sister in law a lot. She really wants to adopt this baby badly. I should not tell you about this but this is probably the last chance for Jasper and her to save their marriage."

"I don't think I understand."

"Not necessary for you to do so. They are both wonderful people but maybe they'd been better off as friends. Alice is a bit too dreamily. Having the child will help her to get more grounded and it's the only thing that could have convinced my brother to leave the army."

"Alice is wonderful the way she is."

"It's weird how you are defending her. Well, anyway. There is something that I wanted to ask you very much since the last time I saw you."

"What do you want to know?"

"Are you gay?"

"Yes, I am. Why are you asking?"

"That awful guy in the mall made some stupid comments. I don't have any problems with you being a lesbian but Alice will probably not approve of it. Her parents are very religious and they raised her pretty strictly."

"Hmm, I see."

"That doesn't make her a homophobic asshole or something like that. She's just afraid of things she doesn't know."

"Hmm,"

"Are you sure that you want to give the baby away?"

"Of course, I am. Why would I want to keep it? I can't even take care of myself. Alice will be good for the little one."

She leaned forward and placed her hand on my abdomen, her face lighting up a bit when Mini Bella kicked against her palm.

"When is the baby due?"

"I'm thirty weeks now but my gynecologist said I could give birth a bit earlier because I'm already so big."

"You are not that big. You should have seen me when I had my Lana. It's my fault that she's so much into candy. I practically lived on Milkshakes and cookies during my pregnancy with her. It was an awful fight to get the weight off afterwards"

The little girl returned, carrying a plastic cup between her hands.

"Did you say thank you to your aunt?"

"Yes, Mommy, but she only had juice and no lemonade."

"You should drink milk, honey. Milk is healthy."

"Milk is gross."

Alice rolled the sleeves of her shirt up, before she opened the box with the paint on the floor.

"I'd like to get this done before it turns dark."

"Okay, we're leaving. Lana say good bye to your aunt and her friend."

"Bye Aunt Alice and her friend,"

When they were gone Alice hugged me tightly from behind.

"I'm so sorry they came here today. I don't know why Rose is so annoyingly clinging right now. Maybe she's trying to distract herself from missing her husband."

She pulled my hair over my shoulder and planted soft kisses all over my neck.

"I like it way better when it's just the two of us."

"Rosalie told me that your parents are pretty strict. Is that the reason why you are so terribly afraid to admit your feelings?"

She pulled back, kneeling down again to dip the brush into the paint. Then she started painting the wall next to her in a warm green color that somehow reminded me instantly of the color of her eyes.

"Can I help you?"

"If you want to,"

I grabbed the second brush and starting painting next to her, the two of us working in silence for several minutes until I started a second attempt to talk about her parents.

"Do you think they'd hate you if they knew you'd like girls?"

She turned around, reaching out her hand to wipe away a bit of paint that had accidentally landed on my cheek. Her pretty mouth curled up into a grimace that was supposed to resemble a smile.

"My parents are good people, but they have very limited views on what is right or wrong. This here…,"

She took my hand in hers and placed it on her chest where I could feel her heart beating raggedly against my fingertips.

"This is wrong. It's a sin and all sinners are damned to hell."

"Alice…,"

"I still want you, and I still love you. Even if I know it's wrong and that makes me probably an even worse sinner."

"Love is not a sin. You and I, we belong together."

"I know." she whispered, cupping my face tenderly in hers before she leaned closer to kiss my mouth. The tip of her tongue ghosted over my bottom lip for a moment, making my skin break out in goose bumps when she eventually slipped it into my mouth to tease my tongue with it.

"Why do you think we are like this? I mean there must be a reason."

I kissed her again, slowly as if I was able to break her. In this moment she seemed so incredibly vulnerable to me.

"We belong together, that's everything you need to know. Nothing you try to tell yourself will change this. I just wished I had found you before I…ouch….,"

A sharp pain went through my lower body. Maybe the paint job hadn't been such a good idea. The pain got worse and I hissed through my teeth.

"Bella, what's wrong with you. Are you in labor? God, you can't be in labor. It's too soon."

I sat down on the edge of the couch, leaning forward to cradle my swollen abdomen between both of my hands, resting my chin against my cleavage.

"Ouch…oh…fuck…this hurts. Why does this hurt so much?"


	16. Chapter 16

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back to another episode of **#UHW**. I'm grateful for all of you who keep reading & reviewing this story. Your support means so much to me.

This chapter here is dedicated to **Madys****Nicole** for being my **200****th** reviewer. Hope you'll enjoy

****Chapter 16****

_Alice_

"Why is this happening? Did we do anything wrong?" I asked the blond haired doctor worriedly, while I fought the urge to wrap my arms tightly around Bella. Instead I settled on gently placing my hand on hers, rubbing small circles over the back of her hand while the awful machines they had connected her on continued beeping in an annoyingly high frequency.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Things like that happen. We are going to give her some injections that will hopefully help the baby's lung to mature a bit faster."

"Can't you do anything to stop the labor? It's too soon."

"Mrs. Hale, you need to calm down a bit. We can't stop nature. I assure you that we are prepared here to deal with premature born babies."

Bella whimpered and turned her head towards the wall. Several dry heaves left her throat before she started crying.

"Are you in pain? God, Dr. Cullen, can't you give her anything against the pain?"

"I'm scared…I'm so terribly scared."

I sat down on the edge of the small hospital bed and hugged her from behind, gently pushing a bit of her damp her from her sweat covered forehead.

"Don't be afraid. I'm here with you, sweetie."

Dr. Cullen cleared his throat nervously before he spoke up again.

"Try to help her continue breathing in and out deeply. If she still needs some pain medication when I come back we can still give her an epidural anesthesia."

With that he grabbed the file from the nightstand and left the room.

"I'm so scared. I don't want this. I don't want any of this."

I pulled her closer, trying to pull her upright to sit down behind her. She whimpered again but when I pressed my lips against her neck she seemed to relax a tiny bit.

"Breathe with me."

"I don't want to."

"Shhh, just do it. Come on, Bella, try it."

"I'm scared. I wanted a caesarian. Why is no one giving a shit about what I want?"

"Tell me why you are so afraid."

"This isn't going to work. The baby can't just come out of me. I don't want this. I'm scared. They made us watch this gross birth video in Biology. It was frightening."

I rocked her back and forth a bit, circling my hands up and down her forearms while I hummed a nameless melody into her ear.

"You can do this. I know you can."

"No, I can't. I don't want this. I…I…ouch,"

"Squeeze my hand and breathe with me. You can do this, I know you can."

She obeyed instantly and I had to press my lips against each other when she squeezed my hand with so much force that a sharp pain went through my palm.

"Have…have…you already chosen a name?"

"I have. Do you want to know it?"

She nodded her head and I grabbed an ice cube from the plastic cup that was standing next to the bed and moved it gently over her neck before I circled it over her overheated face.

"Tell me you love me."

"I love you. I'll always love you."

I leaned forward to plant a tender kiss on her mouth but in that moment the door was pulled open again.

"Miss Swan, how are we doing?"

"It still hurts." she whispered towards the blankets over her lap.

"That's normal. Let me check how far you are?"

He examined her silently for several minutes only stopping to write down more notes on the chart.

"Is everything okay?"

"Hmm, no need to worry. We'll just wait."

"For what? I've been in here the entire night, it's already dawning outside. I'm exhausted. I don't need this crap any longer. I don't want this! No one has told me how much this was going to hurt! No one!"

She started crying again and I pulled her closer, rubbing up and down her back in a desperate attempt to calm her down a bit, to comfort her somehow.

"Do you want me to call your mother or maybe the father of the baby?"

"My mother doesn't give a shit about me and as for the father…he's…he doesn't matter…oh crap this hurts."

He sighed deeply and checked Bella's pulse again.

"We are going to perform a caesarian. I don't like the way her blood pressure is developing. That's not good for the baby. A nurse will come to prepare you in a few minutes."

When we were alone again I cupped her face between my palms and caressed her cheeks with my fingertips before I kissed her mouth.

"I love you."

"I love you too but I'm scared. Promise me to take care of the baby, will you? I want her to have a good home. You will give that to her. Won't you?"

XXXXX

They wouldn't allow me to stay with her during the procedure. Maybe because we weren't related or maybe there was some other reason behind it. Whatever it was it pissed me off beyond words. I sat outside the OR my hands fisted so tightly that my fingernails cut into my palm. I didn't feel the pain, I was way too nervous to feel anything apart from the nervous beating of my heart in my chest.

I was going to be a mother and yet I had no fucking clue how to be one. There was so much messed up in my own life that I needed to take care of.

"Mrs. Hale?"

I jumped from the plastic chair I had been sitting on, dropping the content of my handbag all over the hospital floor.

"Is she okay? Can I see her?"

"You can see, Miss Swan now, if you so wish. She's tired from the anesthetic and the painkillers they have given her but apart from that she's fine."

I sighed in relief, kneeling down to quickly grab my stuff from the ground. I had brought the little teddy bear with me, having carried it around since the day Jasper had bought the thing for me. Sometimes it felt as if he still saw me as a child instead of an adult woman.

"What about the baby?"

"Are you a relative?"

"No, I'm not. I am…I am the adoptive mother."

"The chart said nothing about an adoption."

I growled angrily but tried to make my voice calm when I spoke up again. It didn't really work.

"Look, Missy, I don't care what your stupid chart says or doesn't say. I want to know if the baby is alright. I have a right to know."

"No, you don't."

"Missy, don't try to push the boundaries of my nerves. They are pretty tensed right now."

"Well, I'm not supposed to…"

"I don't care!"

Dr. Cullen appeared on the corridor, pulling a green mask down his face.

"Maureen, it is fine. Do me a favor and bring her to Miss Swan now. I'll let them bring the baby to them after we have finished the tests."

When I entered the room her face was turned towards the wall. I sat down on the chair next to her and tried to put her messy hair behind her ear.

"She didn't scream." her voice came out like a husky whisperer. "She didn't scream. Aren't babies supposed to scream when they are born?"

I took her hand in mine, interlacing my fingers with hers.

"Everything will be okay."

"No, it won't. Something is wrong. They wouldn't even let me hold her. Not for one minute and I shouldn't want to hold her at all. She's your baby, not mine. I don't want to love her. I can't love her. I…I…I'm so scared."

I pulled the chair closer to her small bed, caressing the back of her hand with my fingertips.

"Don't be afraid. It's okay to love her. She's a part of you."

"I can't handle raising a baby. I suck at everything that has to do with responsibility."

I lifted her hand to my mouth and planted several kisses all over her knuckles. What she said was so very wrong. Bella was way more mature than I had been at her age.

"You'd be a wonderful, mother."

"Not as good as you are going to be. You've put child proof locks on every window in your house."

"I just read a lot of books. I don't know how to be a mom. Maybe the baby won't even like me?"

"She will love you. I love you…because you are just amazing."

The door was opened and two nurses rolled an incubator into the room.

"Here is someone who would like to meet the two of you."

I gasped for air, unable to let go of Bella's hand and turned my eyes to the small infant behind the glass.

She was tiny, her little feet looking as if they belonged to a doll instead of a human baby and yet when I carefully moved my fingertip over her hand she instantly grabbed her finger around it.

"Hi, little baby. We didn't expect to meet you so soon. How do you like this world so far?"

The baby coughed and tried to pull the tube that was adjusted to her nose out with her other hand. Some slurping noises escaped the tiny throat and a shrill alarm sound went on.

"What's wrong with her?"

One of the nurses adjusted one of the other tubes again, turning it around a bit so that the baby couldn't move that one.

"Her lungs aren't working on their own, but Dr. Cullen and the pediatrician will be here in a minute to explain everything to you."

I realized that Bella had closed her eyes and that she had tears glistening in her long eyelashes.

"Look at her. She's tiny but so pretty."

"I can't…I just can't."

The door was pulled open again and Dr. Cullen entered the room followed by a young man with unruly brownish hair. He looked a bit too young to me to be a doctor and so I was surprised when he offered me his hand.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Hale. My name is Dr. Masen. I'm the pediatrician who will take care of everything. Do you have any questions so far?"

"The tubes, are they necessary? She doesn't seem to like them."

"Such a stubborn little thing, isn't she? As long as she is not breathing on her own they have to stay. I'm a bit more worried about her kidneys right now. One of them doesn't seem to work at all."

"But she's going to be alright. Won't she?"

His mouth curled upwards into a crooked smile.

"I assure you we'll keep her safe. Her weight is quite okay for a thirty week baby and we'll be given her some extra vitamins and antibiotics to help her lungs mature."

He turned to Bella and when he addressed her directly her eyes fell open, staring directly into the lamp above her head while tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Miss…," he checked the name on his chart again, clearing his throat nervously before he spoke up.

"Miss Swan, I need to ask you if you intend to breastfeed. It would…,"

"Leave me the fuck alone!"

I sat down on her bed and pulled her against my chest, letting her sob there for several minutes until she finally seemed to calm down a bit.

"It's okay. You don't have to breastfeed if you don't want to."

"But it would be better for the baby."

"Dr. Masen, I don't know how long you've been working as a doctor but I assume it can't be too long."

He giggled a bit and twisted his left hand nervously through his hair. Get a haircut, asshole.

"Mrs. Hale, you are taking this way too personal. Mother's milk is extremely important for a premie."

I sighed deeply and planted a kiss on Bella's hair.

"Look at her. She's so pretty and so strong, just like you are."

Hesitantly she lifted her head from my shoulder and with her fingers still grabbed tightly around my hand she touched the glass of the incubator.

"She looks a bit like Jake's sister Rachel."

"I think she looks like you. See how she wrinkles her nose? That's exactly like you do it when you are sleeping."

"Can I touch her?"

I took her hand and guided it through the opening of the incubator. Slowly she let her fingertip move over the baby's back and the little arm. Her eyes went all glassy again when the little hand grabbed the tip of her forefinger.

"Hi, Mini Bella, so that was you who has always kicked me so much. Strong, little thing, aren't you? I don't even know your name yet. Your mother hasn't told me."

I kissed Bella's cheek and cuddled against her side, carefully making sure not to put any pressure on her abdomen. The young doctor raised one eyebrow but I couldn't find it in me to care what he thought about the two of us, the three of us.

"Anabelle," I whispered eventually. "Her name is going to be Anabelle."

**XOXXOXXO**

[A/N] Leave me some review love, if you feel like it. You know I heart those lots.


	17. Chapter 17

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back to another update of **#UHW**. Thanks and hugs for the lovely reviews you left me on the last chapter.

This one here is dedicated to **nzuri94** and **naomily4ever**. Hope you'll enjoy

****Chapter 17****

When I woke up in the middle of the night I was alone in the darkness. My hands moved down my abdomen, trembling slightly when I felt nothing down there kicking against my palm. Then I remembered and automatically the tears started floating again. I missed Alice terribly and I wondered if I could just call her at home now.

Slowly I stood up from the bed, wincing slightly when a throbbing pain went through my lower belly. My fingertips caressed the wrapped up wound with my fingertips. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to move around but I couldn't endure staying alone in this room any longer.

I slipped a bathrobe over my shoulder taking forever to put my arms into the sleeves. Then I stumbled towards the elevator, leaning back against the cold metal walls after pressing the key to the fifth floor.

"Miss Swan? What are you doing here? You should stay in bed."

"The baby…,"

"I assure you that your baby is safe here." the young doctor told me, placing a hand on my shoulder. Maybe he was afraid I could faint in front of him and he didn't really look as if he had a clue what to do in case that happened.

"Please sit down in this before you fall down."

I obeyed automatically, taking several deep breaths through my nose in order to calm myself down again.

He kneeled down in front of me and I realized that he had deep purple bruises underneath the green eyes. Young doctors didn't seem to get enough sleep.

"What happened? You shouldn't be walking around on your own in the hospital in the middle of the night."

"Why are you still here?"

"Double shift. If you promise me to let a nurse bring you back to your room later, I'll bring you to your baby."

I nodded my head and wiped my running nose on the back of my hand. He rolled his eyes at that and handed me a tissue.

"Wash your hands and put on the mask. We need to keep germs away from the premies. Their immune system is not prepared for dealing with them."

He rolled the wheelchair into a room with four incubators. I instantly knew which baby was her and that was strange because I had always assumed all babies looked the same.

"Hi, little Anabelle, how's it going?"

Gently I moved my fingertip over her little chest, feeling how it heaved underneath my touch.

"She doesn't know who I am. Does she?"

"She remembers your voice. It has a calming effect on her heartbeat. See the screen here. She likes you being here."

"Alice talked way more to her than I ever did."

"She still remembers your voice."

I ignored him and caressed the dark hair on her head with my little finger. Curls, she was going to have curls.

"Your mommy will be back in the morning. She'll be good to you. Way better than I ever could. She bought so many pretty dresses for you. You'll like dresses. Won't you?"

I started crying again because something started cramping painfully around my heart. I tried to bring myself to stop touching her. She was so tiny, so fragile and I couldn't, I couldn't keep myself from loving her.

"Miss Swan?"

"Yes, Dr. Masen?"

"I know, it's not my business but something in your chart said you'd be giving the baby up for adoption."

I nodded my head and sighed deeply.

"That was the plan."

"Plans always change. My father wanted me to follow his career and go to law school. I barely managed to make it through the first week there. If you want to keep the baby there are ways."

"I can't keep her. I don't even have a place of my own."

"Where are you living right now?"

"With Alice,"

"She's the little dark-haired one who is supposed to adopt the baby. Isn't she?"

"Yes, she is. She'll be wonderful. She's smart and warm-hearted. She really likes kids a lot and unlike me she's prepared for all of this."

"You seem to like her a lot."

"Hmm,"

"Both of them, I mean; little Anabelle here and Mrs. Hale."

"I love her…but she…everything is so fucking complicated for us. I wished we had met under different circumstances."

"Circumstances are never right. People are right for each other or they aren't."

He checked the tubes on her little chest and I felt my stomach heave a bit when he put an injection into the tiny feet. Poor little baby…

"Is that hurting her?"

"I think so. Keep stroking her head if you want to. She likes that a great deal."

XXXX

She sat down on the edge of my bed and leaned forward to twist a bit of my messy hair around her dainty fingers. I had tried to brush it earlier but given up quickly. I needed to wash it but the nurse had forbidden me to leave the bed again after she had brought me breakfast. I didn't feel like eating at all. My breasts felt as if they were going to bust. Crap, was that from the milk?

"Morning, sweetheart, did you sleep at all? You look incredibly tired."

I caressed the tip of her nose and her cheekbone with my fingertips, circling it gently over her warm lips before I planted a soft kiss on her sweet mouth.

"You taste like strawberry chapstick."

"My lips were a bit dry, so I put some on. How are you feeling today?"

"Tired…and sad…and a bunch of other stuff too. I woke up in the middle of the night and you weren't there. The baby was gone as well and I felt so…so terribly alone."

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me closer, pressing her lips against my forehead while her fingers stroked up and down my spine.

"I missed the two of you too when I woke up. Maybe you even a bit more than the baby."

"She's so cute, and I think she can't stand her doctor because he keeps giving her injections all the time."

I felt the tears coming again and swallowed hard to hold them back what didn't seem to work that well.

"What are we going to do now? I thought, I'd have more time. I thought we'd have more time."

She wiped the tears away from my cheekbone and leaned forward to kiss the rest of the wetness away from my face with feather light kisses.

"There is something I have to tell you. Last night I tried to call Jasper because of the baby and…,"

"Don't say his name. I hate him! I hate that you want to be with him although you know that we are right for each other. We are right for each other."

"I know, Bella. But I'm scared."

"I don't care! I'm done with this being scared crap. You can't have it all. Make your choice. This is not just about us anymore. There is Anabelle and I love her so much. I didn't want to love her at all but now I do and I can't deal with this weird motherly instincts I'm developing. I hate how much I love you!"

"Bella, try to calm down."

"I don't want to calm the fuck down. I love you and I don't want to lose you." Not you and not the little baby behind the glass wall in the fifth floor. I love her, and it's Alice's fault that I love Anabelle now as well. I didn't want to love the baby at all.

"I love you too. Please, Bella, I love you so very much. You are it for me and I wished I weren't so terribly scared of the consequences of this love."

She cupped my face between her hands and kissed me roughly, swirling her tongue between my lips until I moaned against her mouth. She massaged my tongue with hers, teasing and sucking it gently. I felt my nipples hardening against her chest and pulled back when I realized they started leaking milk. God, how gross was that?

"I'm sorry about that. I can't control this."

"I know, Bella. You don't need to worry. I'll ask one of the nurses for a pump. Mother's milk is good for our little fighter."

My heartbeat increased suddenly and I planted another kiss on her mouth, twisting my hands into her short hair that felt like silk underneath my fingers.

Our little fighter…our…not just hers…

"I'll be right back"

I checked my reflection in the mirror above the sink at the other side of the room. Damn it, I looked horrible. And my nerves? What the hell was wrong with my nerves? I felt like crying all the time. It was so embarrassing.

Alice returned with one of the so-called pumps and I frowned.

"Do you know how to use such a thing?" I asked her skeptically.

"Hmm, yes I do. Rose had one of those when she had Lana. It's not that difficult. Let me show you."

She opened the buttons of my nightgown and I realized that my breasts had obviously managed to swell to another cup size overnight.

"Beautiful. You are so incredibly beautiful." She whispered hoarsely into my ear, grazing its shell playfully with her teeth.

Her fingertips circled gently over my sensitive nipples that pebbled instantly under her touch before she placed the pump over one of them. It didn't hurt. It was just strange, even stranger that she was doing this but in a way it was nice. She was trying to be careful and stroked my face with her fingertips while she continued squeezing the plastic pump between the fingers of her other hand.

"We can't go on like this, I know. Last night I had a lot of time to think while I finished painting Anabelle's room."

I swallowed hard and stared down at the blankets on the bed. Suddenly I was scared and nervous.

"And did you decide on something?" my voice cracked at the end of the sentence. Tell me you'll be mine, Alice. You and I we belong together.

She nodded her head and placed the now half-filled bottle and the pump on the nightstand. Slowly she closed the buttons of my nightgown again and took my hand in hers to lift it to her lips. Tenderly she placed a kiss on each of my knuckles.

"I want to be with you. I need to be with you because I love you."

"What about your husband? What about what people will say. What about being each other's secret?"

Her mouth started trembling and I wondered if she was going to burst out in tears now.

"I need to stop worrying about what people think. This is my life…our life. I don't want to lose you. No one has ever made me as happy as you do."

"Are you going to tell Jasper about us? That you want to be with me instead of him?"

She sighed deeply, circling her thumb over my pulse point for a few minutes before she spoke up again.

"I love Jasper and it kills me to hurt him like that but I love you more. Or I love you differently…maybe a bit of both."

I pulled her closer again, burying my face against her neck to absorb as much of her flowery scent as possible. God, I loved her so much that it hurt.

"Are you going to leave him?"

She nodded her head and sighed deeply.

"I will but I have no fucking clue how to break the news to him without breaking his heart."

**XOXXOXXO**

[A/N] leave me some review love, if you feel like it. Until next time, take care


	18. Chapter 18

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back to another episode of **#UHW**. It's time for a very unpleasant conversation.

This chapter here is dedicated to **secrets87**and **Imagination****Genius**. Hope you'll enjoy.

****Chapter 18****

_Alice_

I wiped my sweaty hands on the fabric of my jeans taking another sip from the glass of bourbon in front of me. The alcohol burned in my mouth when I swallowed the bitter liquid but a moment later pleasantly warmth spread through me. I wondered if it would make me braver if I emptied the content of the entire bottle before I called? No, that probably would just give me alcohol poisoning or something close to that. Damn it, Alice. You can do that. You have to do it. You have to do it now.

My fingertips quivered when I dialed the number. Then I deleted it just to type the number into the phone a second time.

The moment he picked up I considered disconnecting the call again. I couldn't do that. I just…

"Hello? Hello, is there somebody? Fuck, this crappy connection here is driving me insane."

"Jasper?"

"Alice! Oh darlin', I'm so glad you called me."

I'm not so sure whether he'll still think that way when we are done with this conversation.

"Look, there is something that I need to talk about with you…I probably should have waited until you come back home but that's still so long and I…,"

"You sound upset. Are you crying? What's wrong with you, baby girl?"

I took a deep breathe, wiping the tears from my face before I spoke up again with a trembling voice.

"I want a di…I want a…a…a divorce. I'm so so sorry. I…I,"

"Excuse me please, I think there is something wrong with the line. Did you just say you want a divorce? Is this supposed to be a joke? Because if it is, I have to tell you it's not a good one. Are you bitchy because I had to go to Afghanistan? It's not like I had a choice in this."

"I'm sorry. But I can't be with you any longer. I love you…I always will but not like a wife should love her husband. You are my best friend and I feel horrible for doing that to you."

"If you actually cared you wouldn't. Look, Alice baby, when I come back we can start some family therapy if you want us to. Let me fix this…please, tell me that you will let me try to fix this again."

"Jasper, that won't work because you haven't done anything wrong. You are wonderful. It's me…just me."

"Is there someone else?" he growled into the receiver, and I could picture how his face had turned into an angry frown now.

It was finally time to let the cat of the bag…

"Yes,"

"I'm going to fucking kill him! I'm going to cut off his dick and feed it to the stupid cat. I will rip out his throat and…,"

The phone went dead and it took me several minutes until I managed to put down the receiver again. I curled up into a ball on the ground and sobbed desperately until I had no more tears left to cry.

XXXX

"Hey, have you been crying?" Bella asked me worriedly when I sat down on the edge of her small hospital bed. I sighed deeply and rested my head against her shoulder. She pulled me close against her and started circling up and down my spine in order to comfort me.

"I called Jasper to tell him about everything. He didn't exactly take it well."

"You didn't assume he would. Did you? Was he hard on you?"

"He wants us to try some family therapy when he comes back. Then he asked me if I was seeing someone else. I told him yes and then he freaked and threatened to kill the poor guy."

"Guy? He thinks you are leaving him for another man?"

I nodded my head and buried my face against her neck, pressing my lips gently against her warm, salty skin.

"I'm sorry…I don't want to disappoint you, Bella. This is so hard for me. I'm so scared…I don't want Jasper to find out it's you I've fallen in love with. He could hurt you."

"So, you want to keep our…relationship a secret?"

"Just until the divorce is over and we can move somewhere else. Then it will be just the two of us. Well, I mean just the three of us."

She caressed my face with her fingertips before she planted a soft kiss on my hair.

"Where do you want to go? I don't have any money to afford moving. Fuck, I don't even know how to pay the bills for the hospital."

"Don't worry about that. I will handle everything."

"You shouldn't have to do kind of stuff like that for me. It makes me feel awkward."

"I'm your girlfriend and I like taking care of you."

"That's the first time you said it."

"Said what?"

"That you are my girlfriend."

I turned my head and closed my eyes when I felt her warm, velvety lips brushing gently against mine. Slowly she started circling the tip of her tongue over my lower lip until I parted my mouth a bit.

The door was pulled open and I pulled back, instantly missing the touch of her lips against mine.

"Good morning, Miss Swan…Mrs. Hale."

"Morning, Dr. Masen. How is the little princess doing?"

"She's very well, considering the circumstances of her too rushed birth. She is starting to breathe on her own what is a good sign. We just have to make sure that her weight goes up a bit more. It will make her stronger. Are you going to continue pumping milk for her?"

"Hmm, yes, I will. How long will I have to stay in here myself? I don't exactly like hospitals."

"I have to check on that with Dr. Cullen but I assume you will be allowed to go home by tomorrow or the day after."

"What about Annabelle?"

"She will have to stay here until her lungs are fully developed and her weight is up to at least four pounds."

I sighed deeply and wondered if he would start asking questions about why I was sitting on her bed with my arms wrapped around Bella's neck.

Did he mind? Should I care if he did? He was no one to judge me, just some stranger who had the job to take care of premature born babies.

XXXX

Fragile, she still looked so incredibly breakable to me when I sat down in front of the incubator.

"Hi, my little Anabelle," I whispered, caressing her tiny head with my fingertips.

"Your mommy will be here too in a few minutes. She's just having a shower before she comes here."

I circled the tip of my little finger down her tiny arm until I reached her hand. When she closed her fist around it my mouth curved into a bright smile. She was such a strong little girl. My heart warmed with pride when I felt Bella hugging me from behind.

"Seems like the two of you are getting along pretty well without me,"

"That's not true. We need you…no, that's not true…we want you, we love you…both of us."

She kissed my neck and sat down on my lap, placing her hand over mine when she slipped it into the opening of the incubator.

"I can't wait to hold her for the first time." I whispered, resting my head against Bella's arm.

"Me too, but I want you to hold her before I do it."

"Oh Bella,"

I cupped her face in my hand and pulled her dear face closer to me. When my lips touched hers in a tender kiss my heart started beating hectically in my chest. For a moment I forgot where we were but then one of the machines next to Annabelle's incubator started beeping in a shrill frequency.

A split second later a nurse rushed into the room followed by the young doctor who fumbled around on said machine for a few moments before he turned his full attention to our little daughter.

"A bit too excited today, aren't we, little Missy?"

"Is she alright? Why did the machine start beeping? Is something wrong?"

"She's okay. There is no need to worry. Her heartbeat increased suddenly that's why it went on."

"But why did that happen? Did we do anything wrong?"

"No, you didn't. Look, I know that this is a difficult situation but I assure you we will be taking good care of little Anabelle here."

XXXX

When I came home again I went directly into the baby's room, sitting down in the rocking chair I had placed in one of its corners.

I felt alone here without Bella and the little one, kind of lost in this house that was supposed to be my home. We couldn't stay here anyway. Technically the house belonged to both, me and Jasper but as he was the one paying the rent it felt wrong to me. I had inherited a bit from my late grandfather, and I hoped that this money would be enough to cover things until I would manage to find a job.

I needed to find a lawyer to help me handle the divorce process. Fuck, I also needed to tell my parents I was leaving Japer before they found out from him.

My fingertips circled over the bare place on my finger where my wedding ring had been before. The guilt that instantly cramped around my heart was unbearable. I had promised him, I had promised him we'd be together forever. The only problem was that back then I had no clue what forever actually meant. I had no clue what being in love meant. Now, I did. The way I felt about Bella, I never felt that way about Jasper.

He deserved better than this. I could only pray that one day he'd find some other woman that could…

"Alice! Alice, are you up there?"

I wiped a traitorous tear that had managed to escape my puffy eyes and went down the stairs, cringing slightly when I saw Rosalie and Lana standing down there.

Damn it, of course he would call his sister and now she had come here in order to ask me what in heaven's name was wrong with me.

"Has he called you? Look, Rosalie, this is none of your business. That's just…,"

"Shut the fuck up. This is serious, Alice. I don't know what came over…,"

"Rose…,"

"Mommy, are you angry?"

"No, I'm just agitated. Go upstairs and play in the baby's room while I talk to your aunt."

When Lana was out of sight we walked into the kitchen where I leaned back against the kitchen counter.

"Where is your new roommate? Did she decide to move out?"

"She's in the hospital, together with the baby."

"It's born? Isn't it too soon?"

I nodded my head and pulled the Polaroid picture one of the nurses had made out of my handbag.

"That's my little Anabelle. She's small but stubborn."

"Cute, has Bella already signed the adoption papers?"

"We haven't spoken about it yet. The birth happened so unexpected. I only want the little one to be okay. They had to put her into this awful incubator with dozens of tubes and stuff."

"I see. Well, we have other stuff to deal with. Has my brother tried to contact you?"

"We spoke on the phone this morning. Look, Rose, I know you love your brother but this just between me and him."

"Are you trying to shit me? What he did is so wrong that I don't have any words for it. I don't know what came over Jasper."

What he did? What came over _him_?

"Emmett called me and they are searching for him like everywhere but he's already in pretty deep trouble. How could he have done something so incredibly stupid?"

"He's in trouble for what? What happened?"

"Jasper deserted."

**XXOXOXXOXXXOXO**

[A/N] Leave me some review love, if you feel like it. You know I heart those lots.

Check out my new Bellice one-shot called _**Seduction o**__**f a **__**Vampire**_ featuring a darker Alice.

Until next time, take care and thanks for reading my little story here.


	19. Chapter 19

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back to another episode of my soap fiction here. I'm sorry for taking so long to update but real life is keeping me quite busy right now.

This chapter here is dedicated to **Issacharr2** and **Palistus**. Hope you'll enjoy.

****Chapter 19****

"The police? They sent the police to your house to question you? Are they fucking stupid?"

She sighed deeply, wrapping her arms around me from behind to plant soft kisses all over my neck.

"It was awful. I'm worried sick about Jasper. How could he do something so completely irresponsible?"

I would do a lot of irresponsible things too if I was afraid of losing you…

"Bella, are you okay?"

"Just a bit tired. Please, don't worry too much. Maybe he just needed a few days off."

"A few days off?" her voice raised two octaves. "We are talking the Military here. What he did was bad, really bad. He could end up in jail for that. God, if they only find him quickly. It's like he has disappeared form the surface of the earth."

"They will find him." I tried to assure her when the elevator eventually stopped and opening with a beeping noise.

She took my hand in hers and squeezed it gently, not letting go of it for just one second when we entered the room with the incubators. Our little girl was still so terribly fragile although Dr. Masen seemed to be pretty content with the progress she was making. Patience wasn't something I was good at and right now I needed to be more patient than ever before.

"Mrs. Hale? How nice to see you here again." He greeted her cheerfully, scrawling down some notes on his file.

"Miss Swan, I hope you are ready for holding your baby for the first time. I'm a great supporter of the kangaroo method. Physical contact is very important for preemies."

I swallowed hard and tried to fight back the tears in my eyes.

"Can Alice hold her instead of me?"

He raised one eyebrow in confusion before he continued fumbling on the tubes in Anabelle's incubator.

"Sit down here, Mrs. Hale. You should take off your shirt so that…,"

"No! She's not going to strip in front of you, you perv."

A deep chuckle left his mouth and he tried to suppress it by pressing his hand against his lips.

"A perv! That's something new. I've been called a lot of things but a perv? Look, Miss Swan, I assure you that I can see naked women as often as I want outside this hospital. Doesn't do that much for me, so there's definitely no need to worry."

Alice opened the buttons of her blouse, exposing the black silk bra she was wearing underneath it. So very beautiful, I thought, fighting the impulse to run my fingertips over the soft mounds.

The young doctor placed Anabelle on Alice's chest and handed me some sort of plastic bag.

"What is that supposed to be?" I asked him skeptically.

"That's your daughter's oxygen, start pumping it slowly."

"I don't know if I can do that properly."

"It's not that difficult. Let me show you." He placed his fingers over mine and squeezed the bag.

"See, just keep going like that. She can feel that it comes from you and not the machine."

I leaned forward and planted a kiss on Alice's hair while she kept her entire attention focused on the tiny infant.

"Such a pretty little girl, aren't you? You know that I'm your Mommy, don't you? Of course, you know cause you are smart."

Dr. Masen cleared his throat nervously before he spoke up.

"I'll give the three of you some privacy. Page me in case you need anything…or you get worried again."

With that he left the room and I pulled another chair next to Alice, reaching out my left hand to caress the baby's head with my fingertips while I continued pumping the plastic bag in my other hand.

"You are the born mother."

"I don't really know what it means to be a mother. My own was pretty strict to me all the time. I don't want to raise little Anabelle like that."

"Me too," I whispered, resting my head against her shoulder.

"Have you already figured out where we want to move once they allow our little princess to come back home with us?"

"Boston," she stated calmly, circling her thumb down the baby's spine.

"I think Anabelle will like it there. I've already written to several department stores there applying for some kind of part time job."

"Boston? You actually know that it gets shitty cold there during the winter? It's probably going to snow all the time."

"Lovely. We are going to build a snowman with little Anabelle."

We are going to freeze our asses off over there, I thought bitterly. At least Boston was far enough away that her freaky soon-to-be ex-hubby wouldn't find us that easily.

"There is a special reason why I want us to move there. They have an excellent pediatric unit in the hospital. Dr. Masen thinks that the little one will need regular check-up's during her first year."

"You are way better informed about her health status than me although I spent the entire day here."

"I'm probably just good at taking care of people I love."

XXXX

"Are you kidding us? I don't understand, what your problem is, Siobhan!"

"You should try to lower your voice a bit, Bella. Getting all excited is not good for your health. Remember the contract you signed with our agency. You agreed to all our rules concerning the future adoption family. A stable environment is important for children."

"Alice is going to be a wonderful mother. I don't know why you can't change the papers so that she can adopt the baby without her husband."

"We don't allow single women to adopt infants. Children deserve real families."

"Bella, just drop it. Her opinion doesn't matter one tiny bit." Alice stated exasperated, taking my hand to pull me out of the office of the adoption agency.

"Such a stupid cunt!" I growled angrily, when we were outside the building.

"Try to calm down. You didn't actually expect her to agree on me adopting Anabelle on my own?"

"Well, actually I did. You are a wonderful person and I want you to be Anabelle's mother…officially."

"I am her mom, no matter what the papers are saying. Once we move to Massachusetts, we can try to fix that. Please, don't be mad anymore. It makes me feel awkward."

I took a deep breath and opened the passenger's door of her car. When I sat down; she leaned over and caressed my face with her dainty fingers.

"I love you so very much."

"I love you too." I whispered a split second before her soft lips touched mine in a tender kiss. When she parted her mouth a tiny bit I slipped my tongue between her lips to swirl it playfully against her tongue.

When we eventually managed to pull back from the kiss it took both of us several minutes to catch our breath again.

"Do you want to go home now?"

"Shouldn't we go back to the hospital? What if Anabelle wakes up and none of us is there?"

"You need to rest a bit yourself. Have you slept properly for just one night since the little one was born?"

"I don't really remember."

She giggled and started the engine of the car that instantly roared to life. I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them again I realized that we were already in front of Alice's house.

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep." I murmured, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand.

"It's okay. Come with me, beautiful, before you collapse on the street. I don't think, I'll be able to carry you."

We entered the house and she made me sit down on the couch while she fumbled around in the kitchen for several minutes until I heard the microwave opening with a loud pling.

"You cooked for me?" I asked her, when she placed the tray with food on my lap.

"Well, I warmed this in the microwave. Does that count as cooking?"

"For you, it does, my heart. Come here and kiss me. I missed being alone with you…like really alone."

I put the tray on the table in front of us and cupped her dear face between both of my hands.

"I'm so very proud of you. I wanted you from the first moment I saw you but I had never dared to hope that you could return my feelings."

She kissed my mouth and a heartbeat later I tasted warm tears on the tip of my tongue.

"Please, don't cry, baby. Everything is going to be okay."

"What if Jasper dies somewhere out there? Afghanistan consists of nothing but desert and crap like that. If something happens to him…,"

"I'm sure he'll be fine. Maybe he's already sitting somewhere close to here, wondering how he can get rid of your secret lover."

"That's not funny."

"It wasn't meant to be. But his behavior is a bit cave man like."

"Maybe a bit,"

Not, just maybe…

"It's hard for him. He's in love with me and I broke his heart by telling him I want a divorce."

"Pretending your marriage is working when it isn't wasn't something you could do for the rest of your life, Alice."

"But my happiness is going to be his misery."

"No, it's not. He'll get over it. He is going to find someone else…eventually."

She nodded her head, not really looking too convinced to me.

"I need to pump milk now or my breasts are going to bust." I told her in an attempt to change the subject of our conversation again.

Alice stood up from the couch and returned with the inevitable pump a few moments later.

"It will be so much easier when we have our princess here with us and you can breastfeed her without that pump."

"That'll be at least another month according to Dr. Masen."

The doorbell rang and she sighed deeply before she went to open it.

"Rose, not now,"

"Don't be like that, Alice. I know you are upset but we need to find him. Are you sure that you don't know why he deserted? That's not like Jasper is usually."

Both of them returned to the living room and I quickly pulled down my shirt, standing up to store the bottle with the mother's milk in the fridge.

"She's still here?"

"I can't just throw her out, Rose. She has nowhere to go. Look, that's none of your business at all."

I cringed and the hard expression on Rosalie's face softened almost instantly.

"I'm sorry, that was pretty rude of me. My nerves aren't the best at the moment. I assure you that this is not my brother's usual behavior. We don't understand what came over him."

I tried to avoid eye contact with her instead I kept starring down at the carpet underneath my feet.

"Have you spoken to Emmett?" Alice asked her sister in law while she poured her a glass of water, spilling half of it all over the table because her hands were trembling so much.

Rose grabbed a few magazines from the table in an attempt from getting them soaked through and a letter fell down to the ground. She picked it up before Alice could reach it.

"Boston? You are planning on moving to the East Coast? Since when?"

"I…well, I…,"

"You stupid thing, you are divorcing him, aren't you? That's the reason why he deserted. You are leaving him while he is over there, fighting for _our_ freedom, you selfish cow. You know what, I'm off here. Just let me tell you this, if something happens to my brother, you are going to regret it."

"Stop threatening her right now." I snarled at the blonde woman, wrapping my arms around Alice in a protective gesture.

"Alice is doing what she thinks is right to do and hopefully your brother will come to his senses and decide to do the same."


	20. Chapter 20

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] This chapter here is dedicated to my lovely Muse. She wanted an update for this story and I have trouble saying no to her. Hope, you'll enjoy!

****Chapter 20****

_Alice_

Rose was pissed at me, beyond pissed actually and I felt like I deserved her anger in its full force. With my selfish decision to leave her beloved brother I had broken his heart and hurt him deeply. I never wanted to hurt anyone…

"Alice, honey, are you alright?" Bella whispered while she continued running her fingertips through my damp hair. It was almost passed my shoulders again and I had decided that I would let it grow long again because Bella seemed to like it better that way.

"I'm worried about Jasper. It's entirely my fault that he is overreacting like that now. If he dies his blood will be on my hands."

"Please, don't think like that, for it's not true."

"But..,"

She silenced me by placing her forefinger gently against my lips.

"No but. You left him—yes. A lot of people got left and get over it without running away. He can't expect you to stay with him when your marriage is so obviously not working for the two of you."

"It worked pretty fine until I met you." I mumbled, instantly regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth.

God, damn it, Alice, when will you finally learn to think before you speak?

"I'm sorry…I…I…,"

"You don't need to apologize for saying what you think. I know that I kind of complicated your life with running into it."

I cupped her face between both of my hands to pull her closer to me, letting my lips brush gently against hers. Once, twice, a third time, until I felt her smile against my mouth.

"Maybe you complicated my life, but you also made it whole in a way I never thought it to be possible to complete another one's life."

"I love you,"

She kissed me tenderly and I felt the tingling in my stomach increase when the tip of her tongue slipped between my parted lips to nudge it against mine. My fingertips stroked down her cheekbones, until they eventually circled over the edges of her blouse, opening the first buttons of it with trembling hands.

It had been weeks since the last time we made love and the longing for having her again made my underwear damp within seconds. Maybe it was still too soon after the birth, I was not sure about that and I didn't want to risk hurting her.

"I want you…so very much."

"Oh Alice, please touch me. I missed you touching me so much, so very much."

I hesitated for a moment but then I continued opening the rest of the buttons, letting her blouse fall down her back a heartbeat later. Carefully, I circled my thumb over the reddish scar on her lower abdomen.

"Is it still hurting you?"

"Not much, but the scar is quite ugly to look upon."

I shook my head and kneeled down in front of her, pressing my lips softly over the small jagged line.

"I love you, Bella. You and little Anabelle are all that matters in my life now."

She took my hand in hers and pulled me up again to wrap her arms around my middle. Never breaking the contact of our lips we stumbled backwards up the stairs, barely managing it to make it to the bedroom before the last pieces of our clothing landed carelessly all over the ground.

When she cupped my breasts in her hands to massage them gently I moaned into her mouth. The back of my knees touched the bedframe and I pulled her down with me.

"Make love to me," I whispered against her mouth when I felt her fingers stroking painfully slowly down my stomach. When her fingertips reached the fabric of my underwear I instantly held my breath.

But I wanted this to be about us, not just me or maybe even more, I wanted this to be about her. I wanted to show her how much she meant to me, how much I cherished her love for me, our love for each other.

I kissed her mouth over and over again before I started planting open mouthed kisses down her collarbone, down he ribcage to swirl it over her belly button. My lips caressed the scar again before I took a deep breath, inhaling the musky yet sweet scent of her arousal.

The tip of my tongue circled over the thin cotton material and the whimpering sound that escaped Bella's throat eventually gave me the courage to pull her panties down. For a split second I hesitated but then I lowered my head again and pressed my closed mouth very gently on her moist outer lips. She moaned and twisted her hand into my hair, trying to keep me right where I was. My tongue slipped between the slick heat and when its tip touched the sensitive pearl of her clit I felt wetness pouring down my own thighs. Her taste…the warmth, the feeling of being so close to her made my entire body tremble slightly.

"Turn around," she murmured breathlessly and for a moment I wondered if I had probably done something wrong now.

But as soon as I had moved from my position she parted my legs and shoved the wet silk of my thong down just to bury her face between my thighs a heartbeat later.

God, how much had I missed the feeling of her tender tongue there…

She groaned against my inner lips, the vibrations causing my clit starting to pulsate against the tip of her tongue.

Something that was probably close to an instinct or something like that kicked in and I pulled her closer, rolling us over to the side so that I could lick her again. Our tongues swirled up and down, tasting and teasing each other until the muscles in my stomach tightened. Her inner lips began to quiver and the thought that I was the one causing her body to react like that triggered my own climax, sending wave after wave of lust through my entire body.

XXXX

"I'm nervous." she stated when I parked the car in front of the house again. "Maybe it's too soon to take her home with us. In the hospital…they have all the equipment in case something happens to her. What if…,"

I took both of her hands in mine and squeezed them gently, letting my thumb rub over her pulse point in an attempt to calm down her nerves a bit. The truth was that I was nervous too, incredibly nervous to be a bit more precisely but I tried not to let it show because I didn't want Bella to know. It was worse enough that she was so worried about bringing our little princess home with us today.

"Everything will be fine." I tried to assure her when I opened the door of the Audi. The baby whimpered when the cold air touched her face and Bella cradled her instinctively against her chest, pressing a soft kiss on the tiny head.

"That's just wind, baby girl. Where we are moving it's going to be windy a lot."

We entered the house and I hugged my lover tightly from behind after helping her out of the jacket without letting go of the tiny infant in her arms.

"She smells like hospital."

I took the baby from her and lowered my head to nudge my nose against her tiny one.

"Your Mommy thinks you smell like hospital. That's not a nice thing from her to say to you."

"But she does smell like hospital and I don't like that scent too much."

I kissed Anabelle's nose again before I turned to Bella.

"We could bathe her. Would you like that, Anabelle?" I asked the baby that looked as if she was already about to fall asleep again.

Bella seemed to like the idea of bathing the little one and I thought that it would probably help her to overcome her nervousness a bit. I poured some hot water into the plastic bucket I had bought. Why in heaven's name it was supposed to be good for babies to get bathed in these buckets is beyond me but I'm new to this being a mother thing and as I don't want to turn to my smart ass soon to be ex-sister in law for advice the entire time especially when she was blaming me so furiously for having fucked up her brother's life, I guess Bella and I will just have to try out a few things to find out if they work.

"Is the water warm enough?" I asked Bella who checked the temperature with her fingertips. Then she dipped the two thermometers—we have two to make sure they are working properly—and checked the temperature on both of them a few moments later.

"It's okay. How much of the baby bath are we supposed to pour into the water?"

I added some and the scent of lavender and chamomile filled the air in the bathroom a few moments later. When I placed the baby in the water she squeaked a bit but to my relief she didn't start crying. Such a good little girl…

"Do you like that, Anabelle? You have to tell me and your Mommy if we are doing it right. Will you?"

She squeaked again and I poured a bit of the water over the dark hair on her head. She didn't seem to like that as much and Bella quickly wiped away the water drops before they could run down Anabelle's tiny face.

"It's just water, baby girl. You don't need to be afraid of it."

XXXX

Both of us didn't sleep well that night and when we finally fell asleep in the early morning hours we were startled by several loud noises. Glass shattered and then we heard how the baby started to scream as loudly as her tiny lungs were capable of.

"There is someone in the house," Bella whispered into my ear and I felt the blood in my veins freezing to ice.

"Crap, what are we supposed to do now? Should we call the police?"

I nodded my head and stood up from the bed as quietly as I could. Then I searched for the little box underneath it that I hadn't opened in a very long time. Somehow I wasn't even sure if I'd remember how to handle it. When Jazz had showed me, I didn't really pay too much attention to him. Maybe this would turn out to have been a bad decision.

"What are you doing there with that thing?" she hissed through her teeth.

"Defending us,"

"Weapons are dangerous."

The thought of her or Anabelle getting hurt seemed way more dangerous to me right now and so I closed my fist around the cold metal and grabbed Bella's hand with my other one when we tiptoed out of the bedroom.

The baby had stopped screaming, it was probably exhausting her too much. We entered the room next to ours and when Bella wanted to lift Anabelle up the cradle was empty.

"Oh. My. God."

The light blinded my tired eyes when the light switch was pressed and I had to blink several times until I could see properly again.

And there _he_ was. Standing completely still in the left corner of the room. His eyes bloodshed, his honey-blonde hair greasy and his clothing dirty. But it was still him and for a split second I was so incredibly relieved that he was still alive, still unharmed.

Then I saw that the tiny bundle he was holding in his arms and a wave of panic spread through me.

"Jasper, please, put her down again."

"But she likes it when I'm holding her. She stopped crying as if she knows who I am."

"Crap, Jazz, please, just put her down now."

"No, I won't. We will figure everything out. The two of us and her, we are supposed to be together."


	21. Chapter 21

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Welcome back my lovely readers. I hope, you enjoyed the holidays and got lots of presents.

This chapter here is dedicated to **Villemo79** & **indie-hearted-girl**. Hope you'll enjoy

****Chapter 21****

I felt how the sweat started pouring out of each of my pores while somehow my mouth seemed to be unable to form words. Finally a sound left my throat but it sounded more like the cry of a wounded animal than a human.

Anabelle started crying again and when Jasper cradled her against his chest, Alice growled angrily.

"Put the baby down, right now, Jasper."

"But she likes it when I hold her. See, she stopped crying." He stated, his eyes sparkling when he tried to blink away some tears.

"PUT MY BABY DOWN!" I yelled so loud that my voice was hurting my own ears. Seeing him holding her in his arms was so frightening. Jasper wasn't stable and if he hurt Anabelle…

"PUT HER DOWN!"

He still made no intention to move one single inch and to my immense horror Alice was still holding the goddamn weapon between her quivering fingers.

"Alice, put that thing aside before someone gets hurt. I know you can't shot properly."

"Don't be so sure about that, Hale. For the last time now, put the baby down or I'll…I'll…,"

He sighed deeply and planted a kiss on little Anabelle's forehead before he carefully, as if she was some sort of breakable doll, placed her in her cradle again.

I instantly lifted her up again while Jasper collapsed into a whimpering ball on the ground.

"Oh my god, I fucked everything up…just everything."

Alice placed the weapon on the dressing table and kneeled down next to him. Hesitantly she reached out her hand and caressed the greasy hair on his head with her fingers.

"It's okay. It's okay."

"No, it's not! Please, Alice. Tell me, you are not leaving me. I need you. I don't know what to do without you."

"Jasper, I'm so sorry but I can't. I just can't."

He sniffed and wiped his running nose on his dirty shirt. When his eyes met mine his narrowed angrily.

"Why are you still here?"

"She lives here with me because they kicked her out of her apartment. I told you about that. Do you remember?" Alice told him, when we walked down the stairs. She poured him a glass of water while he stuffed a few biscuits that were standing on the table down without actually chewing them. Maybe he hadn't eaten in days.

"You need to eat and then you need to shower." Alice whispered, placing the rest of the Pizza I had made for dinner in front of him.

"And then you need to call _them_."

"They'd arrest me. Is that what you want? You want me to end up in jail so that you can fuck around in our house with your lover?"

She cringed and took two steps backwards. I wanted so badly to hug her and show her somehow that I was with her but I didn't feel able to move on single inch. Anabelle had fallen asleep again on my arms and I pulled her tighter against my body as if I wanted to make sure she was still there.

XXXX

I didn't sleep one single minute for the rest of the night although I was terribly tired after breastfeeding the little one. Jasper managed to lull Alice in into not calling the authorities. She was so worried about him and I on the other hand was worried about her and Anabelle. Who can feel safe in a house where weapons and weird soon-to-be ex-husbands come together? That thing is staying here when we move to Boston that much I'm sure of.

When it was starting to dawn outside I heard a car outside the house and a few moments later a completely hysterically sounding Rosalie appeared in front of us, her face red from excitement and her cheeks covered in tears.

"You are alive! Oh thank god, you are alive!"

She wrapped her arms around her brother and sobbed against his shoulder before she abruptly pulled back and slapped him right across his face.

"You idiot! You, stupid idiot! How could you fuck up your military career because Alice wants to leave you? She's not worth it. I tell, you she's not worth it."

"But I love her and I can't endure the thought of her with another man."

He growled and grabbed Alice around her wrist.

"Tell me who the fucker is, so that I can kill him."

"Ouch, you are hurting me. Let me go. It doesn't matter who it is. You and me…that's…over."

His grip around her arm tightened and I was sure that his fingers would leave bruises on her pale skin. Anger spread through my body and I tried to shove him away from her.

"Let her go right now, asshole. You are hurting her." I snarled at him, trying to make my voice sound as hard as possible.

"What's going on between me and my wife is none of your business!"

"Leave it to me what's my business or not. I'm so glad she finally managed to bring up the courage to end things with you before she would have made herself completely miserable."

He dropped his hands from Alice and for a moment he remained completely still. Then he raised his arm and the next movement happened so fast that I didn't have enough time to duck my head. His fist connected with the wooden kitchen shelf behind me, followed by a loud growling sound.

"You, you stupid, selfish kid…What do you know about this? A big fat nothing, that's all. You aren't even capable of taking care of your own child. So shut the fuck up and leave!"

I hesitated, my legs somehow unable to move, my mouth to dry to speak and then I felt Alice's dainty arms around my quivering shoulders.

"The only one who's leaving is YOU, Jasper. And I want you to leave right now before you damage anymore of the kitchen furniture."

XXXX

Alice eyes were red and puffy when we entered the elevator in the hospital. The ugly scene back in her house when her husband had been arrested had caused something like a nervous breakdown to her. She had cried for almost an hour and I couldn't manage to calm her down again no matter how hard I tried to. Then she had cleared her throat nervously and insisted that we needed to leave to Boston right now because she had no clue how long they would keep Jasper behind bars.

"You could tell him the truth."

"No way, he'd…I don't know what he'd do if he knew I am leaving him for you but it's not something I'm willing to risk. The three of us will have a new life far away from all of this."

I leaned forward and planted a kiss on her lips, while I caressed her swollen eyelids with my fingertips.

"But you cried so much when they arrested him."

"Yes, I did, because I was scared. I don't want him to be in trouble. I love him. He's important to me. We have been together for so long."

I felt a wave of jealously rising up inside of me and I tried to swallow it back. She had chosen me. She wanted to be with me, with me and no one else.

"I'm sorry about the ugly things he said about you not able taking care of little Anabelle here. You are a wonderful mother, please don't doubt that."

I kissed her again and never broke the contact of our mouths when we stumbled out of the elevator.

"Morning, Miss Swan…Mrs. Hale."

Dr. Masen took Anabelle from her and started examining her, what didn't seem to please the little one too much because she instantly started crying.

"Has she gained some more weight?" he asked me, writing down some notes in a tablet.

"About a pound, I think. She seems to like the bottle more than my…well, you know."

"Because, it's less exhausting for her to drink that way, Miss Swan. Apart from the one kidney that doesn't work, she should be fine. Make sure she doesn't catch a cold. That would be poison for her sensitive lungs."

"Yes, Dr. Masen, we'll take care of that. Have you already finished that report we are supposed to give to the pediatrician in Boston?" Alice asked him impatiently.

"I'm going to finish it within the next two days and then I'll send it directly to the hospital in Boston I suggested to you for Anabelle's further treatment. It's none of my business, I know but your move to Massachusetts seems a bit rushed to me. Is something wrong?"

"No, we're fine. Thank you, Dr. Masen. We have just decided to move there a bit sooner than originally planned." I told him.

He nodded his head and handled Anabelle back to me. She stopped crying and a few chortling noises left her little mouth when I pressed my lips against her tiny snub nose over and over again.

I loved her, I loved her so much although I never planned on loving her and maybe, maybe in a similar way that was how it was like for Alice when it came to me.

XXXX

It was already pitch black outside when she finally decided to search for a motel where we could spend the night. I was tired, the baby was cranky and Alice looked as if she was going to fall asleep within the next two seconds.

"You are exhausted." I stated when I fumbled the door of the room open. She sighed and sat down on the edge of the first bed, leaning back against the pillows after placing Anabelle's car seat next to her.

"We haven't even made it as far as I wanted it to make it today."

I pulled her shoes down her feet and started rubbing her toes between my hands, kneading each one of them until a low purring sound escaped Alice's lips.

"Try to relax a bit. We are not on the run."

Okay, technically we are on the run…somehow.

I continued massaging her feet and ankles, letting my fingers brush up and down her slim calves. She really did have beautiful legs. God, everything about her was beautiful.

"I love you." I whispered, cuddling against her side from behind. My breasts were hurting because I hadn't pumped milk for several hours and Anabelle had been too tired to drink anything. Maybe the car ride was making her a bit nauseous. It wasn't a good idea to go on such a long trip with an infant.

"I love you too. I love you so very much." She mumbled, resting her head against my shoulder. "And I won't let anything happen to you and our little Anabelle."

I kissed the hollow of her throat, suckling the sensitive skin between my lips while my fingers twisted into the dark curls of her hair.

"Please, stop worrying. Everything will be okay. You and I we will be together forever."

"Forever." She whispered before she eventually fell asleep in my arms. I wanted to stay there but I needed to take care of my little problem first. Whoever spread the rumor that breastfeeding is a wonderful experience probably never had tried to feed a baby as stubborn as my Anabelle.

Slowly, I stood up from the bed and searched for the inevitable pump in our bags. We had packed so hectically that I was already afraid we had forgotten to take that thing when my fingers touched some cold metal underneath a layer of clothes. I pulled it out and held the weapon as far from me as possible.

Why in heaven's name did she bring _that_ with her?


	22. Chapter 22

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] This last chapter of **UHW** here is dedicated to all of you who actually take the time to read the stories I write. Your support is what motivates me and I'm incredibly thankful for all your encouragement.

****Chapter 22****

I grabbed the washcloth and rinsed it under the faucet before I wiped it gently over her face.

"You still have green paint all over your nose." I murmured, pressing my lips gently against hers. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me closer until I was straddling her lap. Warmth spread through me and I wanted to stay inside here with her for the rest of the day. It was impossible though, I needed to meet with the lawyer to get the divorce handled and then there were so many other things on my mind. I had written a letter to my parents explaining to them what I wanted to do. They wouldn't approve of it that much I was sure about.

"I have to go now."

"No, please stay or let me come with you."

"This is something I need to do on my own, Bella. I just hope that Jasper agrees to the divorce without making a tantrum."

She kissed my mouth again and I circled my fingers down he collarbone. Her skin felt warm and silky against my fingertip.

"Can we go to the Park with the little one when you come back?"

I nodded my head and hugged her tightly, planting a kiss on her hair before I walked out of the room and walked down the stairs, hearing how Bella went back into Anabelle's room and started talking to the baby in a soft voice. To think that she didn't want to keep her in the beginning…

My cell started ringing and I flipped it open on my way to the car, sitting down on the seat before I picked up.

"Hello?"

Someone sniffed loudly into the receiver before she or he cleaned his nose.

"Hello?"

"Oh, Mary Alice, why are you doing this to us?"

"Mom…,"

"Your father and I will be praying for you. I know that things aren't easy for you because your husband is so often away from you. Still, you should try to remember the vows you've given him in front of God. You need to…,"

"Mom, I'm going to divorce Jasper whether you or God like that thought or not. We're not right for each other. I didn't even know how it is like to be right for someone until I met Bella."

There was a cracking in the line and then my father growled angrily into the cell.

"Are you so desperate to get to hell? Has nothing your mother and I have told you had any kind of effect on your character? Getting a divorce? Starting some sort of…homosexual lifestyle with another woman? What kind of nonsense is that supposed to be. The Lord says…,"

"Dad, please, I don't need you to quote the bible on me. I love Bella because she makes me happy and complete."

"But it's sinful and wrong."

"It doesn't feel wrong to me."

"Mary Alice, please call Father O'Hara and speak to him. Maybe he'll be able to help…,"

"I'm sure not going to call that awful man to have him telling me how to live my life."

"Would you rather damn your eternal soul to hell? Please, child, try to see reason."

I started crying and my voice cracked when I spoke up again.

"I'm sorry that I'm disappointing you so much Dad."

"You are disappointing God way more than you could ever disappoint your parents."

I disconnected the call and buried my face in my hands, not bothering that I would probably smear my mascara with my tears.

My parents hated me. Jasper hated me. I was going to hell and although I knew it was stupid the thought was so incredibly frightening for me.

Then I felt Bella's arms around me when she pulled me gently against her chest and I instantly wrapped my hands around her neck, clinging on to her as if she was some sort of life vest.

"Alice, what's wrong? What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh honey, don't you know that you can tell me everything. I'm always here for you. I love you."

She pulled a tissue out and wiped the ruined makeup from my cheeks.

"I have paint on my nose and you have mascara like everywhere on your face. Some couple we are."

"I love you and I hate all the awful things my father said about us being together."

Her thumb brushed over my lower lip before she leaned forward and kissed my mouth tenderly for a moment.

"You and I, we know that we belong together. That's all that counts. I'm sorry though that he hurt you with what he said."

XXXXX

The appointment with the lawyer didn't go too well. Jasper was refusing to sign the papers and that would mean that the whole divorce process would take way longer than I had expected. He was doing that on purpose to tire me out and I hated that he was successful with it.

"Do you think he's going to come here?" Bella asked me when I rested my head against her lap. Slowly she started circling her fingers over my face before she turned her attention back to Anabelle. Her tiny face was turned towards the blue sky above us and now and then low chortles left her mouth. Such a cute little angel, I'm blessed to have her and Bella in my life to love me.

"I don't want him too. The ugly scene back in Seattle isn't asking for a rerun. I just want this to be over."

"I know. It's so difficult and I feel bad for him because they kicked him out of the Army and he has no job and I left him and fucked up his whole life with that."

"The only one who fucked up his life is Jasper himself. You're not responsible for his actions."

"But he's so desperate to fix our marriage."

"Because he thinks that it is something that he can fix. But no matter how hard he'll try, no matter how much you care for him, nothing will change the fact that he's a man and a man is not what you need to be happy."

"Oh Bella,"

I took her hand in mine and kissed her palm over and over again.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too, honey. Please, stop worrying so much about your ex. You'll get the divorce whether he wants to or not. It just may take a while but that doesn't matter. We have time. We have forever."

I closed my eyes and for a long pleasant moment I felt nothing but the warmth of her lips and heard no sound apart from her breathe against my face. It was so peaceful and calm. I could only wish that no one would dare to destroy my little bubble of happiness.

During the night I tossed and turned but somehow I was unable to sleep. I checked on Anabelle and caressed the black curls on her head with my fingertips before I walked through the entire house like some sort of ghost. This place was small, but cozy somehow. Bella had painted every room in a different color, insisting that Anabelle's needed to be green because that reminded her of my eyes, confessing that it was the first thing that had her drawn to me that night son many months ago in that club. But what was it that had drawn me to her? Her looks? The way she had talked and tried to flirt with me back then? My face instantly warmed from the memory.

I flipped through an old calendar and realized that she already must have been pregnant with the little one when we first met. A smile flashed over my face and I wondered if maybe that had been her from the very beginning. That she was the one who wanted us to be together no matter the circumstances. The thought made me happy and filled my eyes with tears at the very same moment. The wheels of a car squeaked loudly on the asphalt when someone stepped abruptly on the breaks right in front of the house. God, they drive like maniacs here. We'll have to forbid Anabelle to play outside when she starts to walk. It's just not safe enough.

"ALICE! ALICE HALE, GET OUT HERE NOW! GET OUT HERE BEFORE I BREAK THE FUCKING LOCK!"

I shrugged and before I could compose myself enough to cross the few steps between the kitchen and the front door Bella was by my side.

"Don't open the door. He's angry and drunk."

"If he's drunk, I need to make sure that he's not going to drive anymore."

"Alice, please…,"

"ALICE PLEASE, I JUST WANT TO TALK. OH BABY, PLEASE!"

I opened the door and he stumbled against me, pulling me down to my knees when he wrapped his arms around my middle.

"DARLIN', I'M SO DRUNK."

"Please, stop yelling so much. You are going to wake up the entire neighborhood."

"Do you have some Bourbon here, baby? I feel like I need another drink."

"I actually think that you had enough. Give me the car keys."

"You can't steal that car from me it's just a rental one I got at the airport. Come here baby and kiss me."

"Jasper, give me the keys and then I'll call a taxi to get you into a hotel."

"Let her go, asshole!"

He blinked up at Bella and his face turned into a tortured frown.

"You stole my wife and my child from me, you lesbian whore. I want to kill you!"

I managed to free myself out of his embrace and he curled up into a ball on the ground.

"I tried so hard, I tried so fucking hard, Alice, to make you happy. I love you…I can't live without you. Oh baby, please give me another chance. Let me make this right. I can make this right…,"

I walked back inside the house and returned with a bottle of water, lifting it against his lips. He swallowed but spit everything out a moment later.

"That's water! I want alcohol. Don't you have anything? I feel like I'm still not drunk enough."

"Trust me, you are."

He turned to the side and I rubbed his back while he emptied his stomach all over the porch. It was disgusting but I felt so bad for him and guilty at the very same moment because I was the source of his misery.

"My father called you, didn't he?"

"Yes he did. He says it's my fault that you've turned your attention to other women. He says I'm a bad husband and he's right about that. I left you alone too much. I made so many mistakes…,"

"Look at me," I whispered, wiping a bit of vomit from his chin while I tried to continue breathing through my mouth. Drunken people were so disgusting…

"I'm a lesbian. I have always been one, I will always be one. You can't change that fact and I really hope that someday you'll find a woman who can love you back like you deserve to be loved back."

"I wished it could be you."

"I know but I'm not that person. I love you but more like a brother or a best friend, not like a lover. It never was that way for me, I just didn't know it because I didn't know the difference. I didn't want to know the difference because I was scared to be who I truly am."

"I still want you back."

"Jazz, I'm not coming back and there is nothing that you do to change that. Try to move on. You'll find someone else. I know you will."

"She's right."

"You, keep your mouth shut. I wished we'd never gone to that fucking adoption agency. It fucked up our marriage."

I handed him the bottle with the water again and he gulped down half of its content at once.

"I always wanted to make you happy."

"I know and I wanted to make you happy but while doing that I made myself miserable. Let go, Jazz, please."

"Do you have the divorce papers here?"

I grabbed my handbag and pulled them out. For a moment I wondered if he was going to rip them into tiny pieces but then he scrawled his signature on both of the exemplars and handed it back to me.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he whispered, shakily standing up from the ground again.

"Yes, it is."

"Good bye, Alice. I really hope you'll be happy and if you don't, you could always come back to me. I'll wait for you."

With that he walked slowly down the street and for a long while I was frozen and unable to move one single inch. Part of me wanted to run after him, just to make sure he wouldn't end up sleeping somewhere on the street or stumble against a car. I still cared for him, I always would but it was not enough.

"Are you okay? I can't believe he signed the papers."

"I should go after him and check if he's okay. I owe him."

"No, you don't. He'll be alright. I called a taxi and the driver will bring him to a hotel or back to the airport wherever he wants to go."

"He looked bad."

"That's normal when someone is drunk and heart-broken but the good thing about it is that it's not permanent."

Upstairs the baby started crying again and when we walked up the stairs, Bella hugged me tightly, planting a soft kiss right underneath my earlobe.

"So, that's the end of my marriage, I guess."

"You sound sad somehow."

"I'm not but the way I was raised…I just thought a marriage is supposed to last forever."

"This…," she whispered, pulling my fade closer by twisting wisp of my hair around her fingers.

"This here is the beginning of a forever."

**XOXOXXOXXOXO**

[A/N] In case you are interested in reading more of my WIP I suggest checking out my new story called **American Candy.**

Hugs to all of you, take care


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